I made a thread recently where I referenced the act of "perching." Being a ravenous "percher." My thread received few replies and I was hit with several private messages inquiring on what it meant to be a percher. I'm not sure if its a regional thing or what, but I've heard the word being used since back in middle school. This is back in the early 2000s, fellas. When Aaron Carter beat Shaq. It was a relatively common insult back then, and I still hear it being used occasionally around these parts.

"Look at that fatass Justin! Has that percher look in his eye. You see it?... Can't wait to get home and perch the evening away. What a loser!"

I know many here are already familiar with it. I thought this was a pretty widespread term, but apparently some haven't ever heard it being used. So I wanted to elaborate on what it meant for those who may be unaware: A "percher" is a person who routinely takes ten minutes or more to plop a dook. That's about it. There are several different levels of perching. And if you're already aware, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong on the intervals here, boys. I'm going from memory.

Level 1 - 10-20 minutes
Level 2 - 21-30 minutes
Level 3 - 31-45 minutes
Level 4 - 46-60 minutes
Level 5 - Over an hour

Understand, perching is a shameful act. It really is. Its the lifestyle of the gluttonous, slovenly & undisciplined. No one with a healthy bowel is regularly taking ten-plus-minute ****s. Its the lifestyle of a common lummox.

Listen, I'm in and out in under two minutes. And that's when I take my time. I can hit a expedited dook in under a minute, boys. Wiping included. No excuse for anyone to be taking hour long dumps. None at all. That stuff belongs in the trailer park.

My buddy Dale has become a rabid percher over the past couple of years. Used to be we'd talk trash about perchers and that whole perch lifestyle, but I began to notice Dale was taking more and more time to make a bowel movement. Once took an hour poop and missed the entire episode of Let's Make a Deal. When I called him out on it, he got pissed. Didn't talk to me for three weeks. I guess its a sensitive topic for some. Folks can get real irate when called out on their inadequate colons.

Just don't be a percher, fellas. Its really bottom-of-the-barrel behavior. Like going to a truck-stop gloryhole. There are better paths in life.