It's not so much that I identify myself as practicing stoic but I still have forms of stoicism in me, both naturally and through development

To make the story short; Sometimes I have trouble really giving a ****

I have the feeling that the further I go into this subject, the further I slide

Yeah, same with Buddhism. Disregarding attaining stuff. Maybe not the right way to go. Dunno, don't care.

It's all relative and nothing really matters

Note: Freud called Buddhism (& by extension stoicism imo) a death cult.

Basically there's no point in sitting around doing nothing because you think (or suspect) it's all ultimately meaningless. It may well be, dunno, probably is.

You should still compete with other forms of life and strive to dominate (for lack of a better word), regardless. I think this is the point.

Thats the struggle of being human. You cant give too many fukks, but you also cant give zero fukks

The war of the mind is never-ending regardless what path you take. Inner peace is fleeting and never lasts

Nice. On recharge for this one.

Even if existential nihilism is ultimately accurate, that doesn't change the fact you happen to exist now with all the inescapable innate desires of a human primate.

I say inescapable because I don't think any level of mindfulness can remove the sense of self and desire for fulfillment/meaning. And if it did, you are basically not human anymore, just an emotionless shell.

At this point, I think it's best to just concede to certain core primal desires and not try to override and always control them.

Level 1: Normie, just acts and lives unconsciously according to innate desires.
Level 2: Recognizes innate desires and attempts to override them with more "rational" behaviors. e.g. MGTOWs.
Level 3: Recognizes innate desires and consciously submits to them, recognizing they are too powerful.

Turns out I'm only human

I understand that this thread was just an expression of weakness and that I already knew where to look, but needed someone else to tell me

Good stuff here.

I also dont think its a bad thing to have primal desires. We're human and we should experience the full spectrum of human emotion, the good and the bad. Makes you a more well rounded person. But its a balance, you cant go too far into the bad and let it destroy you, if that makes sense

What if someone peed on your rug?

"The Dude abides. I don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners."