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Forum » A person that is a narcissist. Do they act the way they do on purpose or
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Thread: A person that is a narcissist. Do they act the way they do on purpose or

post 1690204613 09-17-2023, 08:18 AM
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A person that is a narcissist. Do they act the way they do on purpose or

Can they not help it the same way a person who has a disease can't help it?

How any human being can do the things a narssicst does just leaves me shaking my head in disbelief..

If the person can't help it that's one thing but if it's a chosen behavior. It's pretty sickening.
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post 1690204873 09-17-2023, 08:27 AM
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I think they are raised by one themselves and the hardship turns them into one. I have argued with a person I suspect is a narcissist many times and you always reach this point where you feel like you have fallen into this void or hit a brick wall where they just refuse to be accountable. It's like they cannot self-reflect. Feels sort of spooky to deal with a person like that. You are in this twilight zone where reason and morality doesn't exist. Must be how detectives feel interviewing legit psychos. I think the advice generally is to walk away from such people and just pity them.
post 1690205373 09-17-2023, 08:40 AM
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post 1690206123 09-17-2023, 08:54 AM
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It's a mind virus and seems to infect politicians the most.
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post 1690206473 09-17-2023, 08:59 AM
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post 1690209993 09-17-2023, 10:18 AM
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Pro tip-

That term only started being used a couple years ago. You hardly ever heard it before that.

Did these people just spring up out of nowhere or are we just over using a term we found online?
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post 1690210313 09-17-2023, 10:24 AM
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All Cluster B disorders - BPD, narcissism, psychopathy, etc - are considered untreatable. They're in place by about age 5 and there's no fixing them after that. Most of the time, therapy only teaches a Cluster B brah how to hide his symptoms better.

There's a huge genetic component of those disorders as well. Heritability is like 40%.
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post 1690210463 09-17-2023, 10:29 AM
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Originally Posted By 11lemon11⏩
I think they are raised by one themselves and the hardship turns them into one. I have argued with a person I suspect is a narcissist many times and you always reach this point where you feel like you have fallen into this void or hit a brick wall where they just refuse to be accountable. It's like they cannot self-reflect. Feels sort of spooky to deal with a person like that. You are in this twilight zone where reason and morality doesn't exist. Must be how detectives feel interviewing legit psychos. I think the advice generally is to walk away from such people and just pity them.
It's crazy though, because narcissists are deeply insecure and will endlessly project to the point where you feel like you're the problem.

Dealt with one at my old job. That void in their eyes, and the subtle smirk they have when they see you're upset or confused. Sinister.
Originally Posted By crupiea⏩
Pro tip-

That term only started being used a couple years ago. You hardly ever heard it before that.

Did these people just spring up out of nowhere or are we just over using a term we found online?
It's real. The problem is that people throw it around a lot more.

Everyone hassomenarcissistic traits, that's one thing. Then there are full on narcs.

You also hear about it so often because we're living in a time where large amounts of information available with the touch of a button.
post 1690210493 09-17-2023, 10:30 AM
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Narcissism is generally part of another diagnosis. Both antisocial and psychotic individuals will display narcissism.

You will have to read this psychology to understand it better, but has already mentioned in the thread, psychopaths can be self aware, but not cured. Antisocial behavior can sometimes be "cured".
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post 1690210523 09-17-2023, 10:30 AM
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Actual pathological narcissists are basically very similar to sociopaths except they don't get off on hurting people. Sociopaths do and sociopaths love negative emotions like fear and adrenaline. They are wired completely wrong. Narcissists just don't give a **** about anyone else but themselves. They are basically just MAJOR fake, selfish *******s who will use anyone and discard them like they're trash. They are created usually by helicopter parents, abuse, or with western society making them simultaneously insecure af and have a superiority complex. There's a genetic component to it as well but just like sociopaths they are usually created. Some narcissists can stop being *******s if they become self aware and go to therapy but most never do because they think they're special and perfect.
post 1690210563 09-17-2023, 10:31 AM
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Originally Posted By FA*******⏩
All Cluster B disorders - BPD, narcissism, psychopathy, etc - are considered untreatable. They're in place by about age 5 and there's no fixing it after that. Most of the time, therapy only teaches a Cluster B brah how to hide his symptoms better.

There's a huge genetic component of those disorders as well. Heritability is like 40%.
She has BPD and narcissism and it's painful to know cause I really don't think she can help it. Saddest part is I loved her for her even with these disorders..just knowing she had them made me want to take care of her even more. I always said she didn't need ridicule she needed understanding. Even though those same disorders made her treat me like pure chit. I can only hope who she is with now is as understanding of it as I was when she starts acting out.
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post 1690210603 09-17-2023, 10:31 AM
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Originally Posted By crupiea⏩
Pro tip-

That term only started being used a couple years ago. You hardly ever heard it before that.

Did these people just spring up out of nowhere or are we just over using a term we found online?
Are you gaslighting OP?
post 1690210613 09-17-2023, 10:31 AM
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i believe it is, to some extent, a mental illness but one which can be cured on one's own and is by en large, a decision to be manipulative as a defense mechanism caused from "past trauma" and/or underlying illness causing one to take pleasure in others' suffering, setting the stage for narcissistic acts that bait unsuspecting victims until and beyond the point at which the victim begins to try and decipher the purposefully ambiguous or addictive behavior, of the narcissist.
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post 1690211133 09-17-2023, 10:45 AM
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Originally Posted By crupiea⏩
Pro tip-

That term only started being used a couple years ago. You hardly ever heard it before that.

Did these people just spring up out of nowhere or are we just over using a term we found online?
Some truth here which applies to most things that start getting a lot of attention. There are plenty of cluster B types out there, but also people who are just narcissistic jerks, but don't meet the requirements to be diagnosed as disordered.
Originally Posted By FA*******⏩
All Cluster B disorders - BPD, narcissism, psychopathy, etc - are considered untreatable. They're in place by about age 5 and there's no fixing them after that. Most of the time, therapy only teaches a Cluster B brah how to hide his symptoms better.

There's a huge genetic component of those disorders as well. Heritability is like 40%.
Well I disagree that they are untreatable and you have them in order from least treatment resistant to most treatment resistant. The genetic bit and running in families along with alcoholism and neurodivergence is something I've read too.
Originally Posted By latverian41⏩
She has BPD and narcissism and it's painful to know cause I really don't think she can help it. Saddest part is I loved her for her even with these disorders..just knowing she had them made me want to take care of her even more. I always said she didn't need ridicule she needed understanding. Even though those same disorders made her treat me like pure chit. I can only hope who she is with now is as understanding of it as I was when she starts acting out.
Next step is figuring out what is up with you and why you are drawn to that so that you can stop it.

ETA: To your OP- first they would have to have awareness of the issue and be willing to acknowledge that there is a problem. If they can make it that far then IMO someone can get better, though it isn't necessarily quick or straight forward.

From what I've read re: NPD they create a false self that is "all good" which means that they can't see themselves or others as a mixture of good and bad traits and actions. To admit that they themselves have some fault or flaw could pop the bubble of their ego [IOW narcissistic injury]. This doesn't mean that everyone who is defensive or slow to admit fault is a narcissist. The bigger tell is if they project bad intent or ill action on to others, like they accuse you of doing what they are doing.

BPD is slightly different. They also split between black and white, however in BPD the usual idea is that they had a "bad" parent, but could not deal with the parent being bad and so decided that they must be the bad ones and that their parent[s] were good. They still flip between all good/all bad with people, but it isn't based on a fake persona being projected outward.
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post 1690215473 09-17-2023, 12:20 PM
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Some people literally do not care about others, even though they are aware that others do and expect them to behave the same. You should read how psychopaths think, it's like a different world to someone like you who is all about feelings. A true psychopath does not feel love or affection even towards their loved ones. You can love them as much as you like and when you break up with them they'll say "ok, bye" without any emotions whatsoever, as though you never had a history with them. People often confuse sociopaths with psychopaths. A psychopath does not pretend in social settings, whereas sociopaths tend to put on a mask and behave the way people around them are behaving.

It doesn't mean psychopaths are cruel or will go out of their way to be violent or kill people. They don't really have a reason to hurt others and they generally do not seek revenge when someone wrongs them. They are also not afraid of getting hurt and do not experience fear of any kind even it leads to their own demise. In fact, it's generally neurotypical people who do those things or are that way. A psychopath can still have a moral code even though they don't actually feel bad if and when someone breaks rules. When a psychopath tells you they will do something, they aren't joking. They pretty much never lie, if they do lie that means they are most likely sociopaths.

EDIT: Wiki says they are pathological liars, but that's actually mostly sociopaths, srs. A psychopath as a child will interpret children around them crying to their parents for whatever reason as a manipulation tactic, but they themselves will typically not follow suit unless they choose to, maybe even just because they can.
post 1690215873 09-17-2023, 12:30 PM
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Acknowledging narcissism is pretty transparent, to point out that their manipulative ways are not as an “intelligent” move as they would like to believe.

I think is is probably a result of subconscious instinctual behavior and conscious decision that is likely grounded in reinforced positive consequences of previous narcissistic behaviors.

No psychologist tho…
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post 1690216613 09-17-2023, 12:41 PM
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Originally Posted By Vorago⏩
Some people literally do not care about others, even though they are aware that others do and expect them to behave the same. You should read how psychopaths think, it's like a different world to someone like you who is all about feelings. A true psychopath does not feel love or affection even towards their loved ones. You can love them as much as you like and when you break up with them they'll say "ok, bye" without any emotions whatsoever, as though you never had a history with them. People often confuse sociopaths with psychopaths. A psychopath does not pretend in social settings, whereas sociopaths tend to put on a mask and behave the way people around them are behaving.

It doesn't mean psychopaths are cruel or will go out of their way to be violent or kill people. They don't really have a reason to hurt others and they generally do not seek revenge when someone wrongs them. They are also not afraid of getting hurt and do not experience fear of any kind even it leads to their own demise. In fact, it's generally neurotypical people who do those things or are that way. A psychopath can still have a moral code even though they don't actually feel bad if and when someone breaks rules. When a psychopath tells you they will do something, they aren't joking. They pretty much never lie, if they do lie that means they are most likely sociopaths.

EDIT: Wiki says they are pathological liars, but that's actually mostly sociopaths, srs. A psychopath as a child will interpret children around them crying to their parents for whatever reason as a manipulation tactic, but they themselves will typically not follow suit unless they choose to, maybe even just because they can.
Similar to what I have read. That psychopathy is a brain wiring issue/biological vs. psychological condition triggered by environmental factors. So a psychopath could be lawful, neutral, or good etc., but it would be a based on childhood training or some analytical conclusion vs. empathy.



I wonder if it might eventually land a spot under neurodivergence, though that could be problematic.
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post 1690217223 09-17-2023, 12:58 PM
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Originally Posted By katya422⏩
Some truth here which applies to most things that start getting a lot of attention. There are plenty of cluster B types out there, but also people who are just narcissistic jerks, but don't meet the requirements to be diagnosed as disordered.




Well I disagree that they are untreatable and you have them in order from least treatment resistant to most treatment resistant. The genetic bit and running in families along with alcoholism and neurodivergence is something I've read too.




Next step is figuring out what is up with you and why you are drawn to that so that you can stop it.

ETA: To your OP- first they would have to have awareness of the issue and be willing to acknowledge that there is a problem. If they can make it that far then IMO someone can get better, though it isn't necessarily quick or straight forward.

From what I've read re: NPD they create a false self that is "all good" which means that they can't see themselves or others as a mixture of good and bad traits and actions. To admit that they themselves have some fault or flaw could pop the bubble of their ego [IOW narcissistic injury]. This doesn't mean that everyone who is defensive or slow to admit fault is a narcissist. The bigger tell is if they project bad intent or ill action on to others, like they accuse you of doing what they are doing.

BPD is slightly different. They also split between black and white, however in BPD the usual idea is that they had a "bad" parent, but could not deal with the parent being bad and so decided that they must be the bad ones and that their parent[s] were good. They still flip between all good/all bad with people, but it isn't based on a fake persona being projected outward.
You just described it. Her mother ran out on her when she was 13 and left her with her dad.

This is why it's hard for me to be upset or mad at her.
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post 1690217743 09-17-2023, 01:13 PM
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Originally Posted By Vorago⏩
Some people literally do not care about others, even though they are aware that others do and expect them to behave the same. You should read how psychopaths think, it's like a different world to someone like you who is all about feelings. A true psychopath does not feel love or affection even towards their loved ones. You can love them as much as you like and when you break up with them they'll say "ok, bye" without any emotions whatsoever, as though you never had a history with them. People often confuse sociopaths with psychopaths. A psychopath does not pretend in social settings, whereas sociopaths tend to put on a mask and behave the way people around them are behaving.

It doesn't mean psychopaths are cruel or will go out of their way to be violent or kill people. They don't really have a reason to hurt others and they generally do not seek revenge when someone wrongs them. They are also not afraid of getting hurt and do not experience fear of any kind even it leads to their own demise. In fact, it's generally neurotypical people who do those things or are that way. A psychopath can still have a moral code even though they don't actually feel bad if and when someone breaks rules. When a psychopath tells you they will do something, they aren't joking. They pretty much never lie, if they do lie that means they are most likely sociopaths.

EDIT: Wiki says they are pathological liars, but that's actually mostly sociopaths, srs. A psychopath as a child will interpret children around them crying to their parents for whatever reason as a manipulation tactic, but they themselves will typically not follow suit unless they choose to, maybe even just because they can.
Great post but NPD people are a different animal in that like the socio and psychos they lack empathy or consideration of others, they themselves care very much what you think of them.

No expert but I do believe there are different levels/degrees to all of this. Some I'm sure are more than others.

For me, I think due to a very bad stage when I was young of being neglected and abused it has caused me both a strong empathy but then again it can be totally turned off. I lack some emotions such as jealousy and envy. I just don't care about what others have and every so once in a while I will have someone who will see this and really try to trigger a response and it results in a pretty unexplainable feeling as though they need to be delt with. It's odd because if I see someone innocent hurt or even not the innocent I will really feel for them. It's harder for me to see others get hurt than for me to get hurt. At the same time if someone tries to come at me thinking I am less than and they will have their way with me, something hits and it's almost undescribable. No feelings of emotion such as fear, just enjoyment, glee, energy if you will towards luring them in. It comes from when I was very young and my stepfather basically locking me in a room and nearly suffocating me and I just wanted to live and did nothing to deserve that. There were several things where they fought to keep custody of me just to hurt me because they felt I belonged to them. They wouldn't even feed me. As a result though, I feel for those in that position, and hate those who put people in positions like that.
post 1690217753 09-17-2023, 01:13 PM
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Originally Posted By katya422⏩
Similar to what I have read. That psychopathy is a brain wiring issue/biological vs. psychological condition triggered by environmental factors. So a psychopath could be lawful, neutral, or good etc., but it would be a based on childhood training or some analytical conclusion vs. empathy.



I wonder if it might eventually land a spot under neurodivergence, though that could be problematic.
I'm slightly autistic, so being apathetic about most things is the norm for me. However, I'm also super aware of people's emotions and can sense the negative energy. When I speak to people online and they talk about their past and how they were hurt it's almost like I'm there with them experiencing the same thing and I hate it. Whenever I take those alignment tests it always places me smack in the middle with True Neutrals. I care about the people I care about, but don't worry about those who aren't part of my daily life. It's interesting how psychopaths can be lawful good, but without actually feeling emotional about it. That's generally how I am about following the law. I won't go out of my way to be an ******* unless the other person is being an *******
post 1690218283 09-17-2023, 01:24 PM
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Originally Posted By Jasonw1178⏩
Great post but NPD people are a different animal in that like the socio and psychos they lack empathy or consideration of others, they themselves care very much what you think of them.

No expert but I do believe there are different levels/degrees to all of this. Some I'm sure are more than others.

For me, I think due to a very bad stage when I was young of being neglected and abused it has caused me both a strong empathy but then again it can be totally turned off. I lack some emotions such as jealousy and envy. I just don't care about what others have and every so once in a while I will have someone who will see this and really try to trigger a response and it results in a pretty unexplainable feeling as though they need to be delt with. It's odd because if I see someone innocent hurt or even not the innocent I will really feel for them. It's harder for me to see others get hurt than for me to get hurt. At the same time if someone tries to come at me thinking I am less than and they will have their way with me, something hits and it's almost undescribable. No feelings of emotion such as fear, just enjoyment, glee, energy if you will towards luring them in. It comes from when I was very young and my stepfather basically locking me in a room and nearly suffocating me and I just wanted to live and did nothing to deserve that. There were several things where they fought to keep custody of me just to hurt me because they felt I belonged to them. They wouldn't even feed me. As a result though, I feel for those in that position, and hate those who put people in positions like that.
I agree about NPD. Not sure why I started talking about psychopathy while ignoring narcissism. I had a different upbringing, but I kind of have the same thing that you do, not just the jealousy thing but the glee of someone getting testy with me. I grew up in a very religious family. Not just any religious family, but one where parents fought constantly and there wasn't any real peace in the house. There were many things that were ingrained into me from a young age, but I generally don't care about much of it now that I'm not part of the community anymore. I've learned to let much of it go. I've studied the Bible since I was a kid, so I can tell when someone is still young in the faith and is preaching at me or thinking they can catch me with a few verses to try to contradict what I say, lol. When you grow in your spiritual views, you eventually realize that the Bible is more of a guide book than a "follow this or you will feel the wraith of God" type thing. Few Christians see it that way, but that's also because many are cultists. Literally every aspect of my life has something to do with how I view the world through the lens of God's glory or whatever. Maybe I would be very science-y had I been born into a different family. Who nose.
post 1690220203 09-17-2023, 02:16 PM
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Originally Posted By Vorago⏩
I'm slightly autistic, so being apathetic about most things is the norm for me. However, I'm also super aware of people's emotions and can sense the negative energy. When I speak to people online and they talk about their past and how they were hurt it's almost like I'm there with them experiencing the same thing and I hate it. Whenever I take those alignment tests it always places me smack in the middle with True Neutrals. I care about the people I care about, but don't worry about those who aren't part of my daily life. It's interesting how psychopaths can be lawful good, but without actually feeling emotional about it. That's generally how I am about following the law. I won't go out of my way to be an ******* unless the other person is being an *******
Common misunderstanding about autism...that autistic people aren't aware of other peoples' emotions.

If anything it is poor awareness of or ability to express their own emotions.
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