Woke up 8am covered in vomit on my recliner.

Punched wife in the face and called her a b1tch for not waking me up, children scattered to the room scared.

Drove to work in my F450. Made sure to straddle 2 lanes and tailgate everyone.

Picked up breakfast at the gas station - $20 milk, $20 pie, $10 newspaper, easy as.

Show up at work 9:30 for safety brief. Foreman screamed something about 7am, but can't remember, was digging my itchy a55hole.

9:45am take all tools out, smoke break, b1tch about boss being cheap. and underpaying us.

11am start work

11:30pm lunch break. head to the pub and down 2 pints. spent $200 on pokies, can't remember how much I won.

2:30pm resume work

3:00pm smoke break

3:30pm end of work, bitch about lazy liberal college kids having no work ethic.

Pick up a slab of beer, spend everything else on scratchies. Gonna win someday and marry a supermodel.

Lie on recliner and sinking cans.

Wife comes home at 5 hurriedly, preparing amazing dinner.

Scream at wife for having dinner out late. Have a bite, but feeling full from beer, so I slammed the plate against the wall, beat her while the kids scatter. Hunt each one down and beat all of them.

Lie on recliner and finish entire slab of beer, pass out watching news at maximum volume.

Ahhhhhh...GOAT life.

The average life story of: The Australian Tradie

-born into a family with tradie dad and school canteen lady mum
-pay no attention in primary school and just play footy all day
-pay not attention in high school and just play footy all day
-get bad grades and can’t get into uni but it’s ok cause you think you’ll make the AFL
-fails to get drafted to the AFL
-forced to be apprentice with dad cause you need job as you know you can’t make AFL now
-start balding at 19
-fully tatted at 20
-go to Bali and almost die due to drug and alcohol overdose
-finance a brand new Ute for work
-marry girl you knew from high school that’s had sex with 3 of your mates from your local footy team
-combine incomes to buy over priced house 40km from the city
-wake up at 4:30am every morning to make it to work by 7am
-diet of energy drinks, maccas breakfast, cigarettes and beer
-go to the cricket and hurl racial abuse at Virat Kohli and rest of Indian cricket team
-pub everyday after work to avoid fat wife
-come home and drink 6 more beers
-get cheated on by wife with mate from footy but don’t care cause already have 2 kids with her
-shoulder, back and knee pain at 25
-wife doesn’t even wash orange/yellow hi-vis work clothes so you go to the job site in dirty clothes.
-turn on news to see Sudanese youths carjacking BMWs or a Mercedes Benz
-tell everyone at pub that you would’ve made the AFL if it wasn’t for your injured knee
-3 drunk driving charges and loose licence
-lose last of pay playing pokies while drinking Bundaberg rum and coke
-bash 60 year old Indian taxi driver
-go online and brag to everyone you make $120k a year
-2 surgeries at 27
-tell everyone that both liberals and labor are dogs and you could make a better prime minister than current PM
-look late 40s at 29 due to being out in sun all day
-hurl racial abuse at 18 year old Indian uni student working at 7/11 because they ran out of meat pies at 3am
-kids have bad grades cause all they do is play footy all day…

a guy i know is a tradie supervisor working on doing water pipes for public construction/roads...tells me all kinds of stories about the debauchery they are involved in. cheating wives, strippers, fights, etc...also seems 95% of them do pills, snort coke, vape THC while on the job. i guess it's how they make through the day digging and being in mud holes. he and his wife beat the chit out each other regularly, alcoholics, pot heads, and pretty much all other drugs aside from meth that they only tried a few times

it's not the 80's anymore...

scam