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tour over with GF I think.
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Thread: tour over with GF I think.
10-14-2023, 05:25 PM
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#1
- Jasonw1178
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- Jasonw1178
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tour over with GF I think.
Dear daria... So GF and I have been dating for 6mo. Lately she has been scheduling all these family things she wants me to go to. No asking if I want to go, just suddenly I find out I'm going. This one was a birthday party for her 1yo cousin. BS, 1yo's don't understand birthdays, it's for the parents. Over an hour's drive away too and I don't know these people. Was bummed last night about it because I wanted to make other plans. This morning woke up and just flat out told her I don't want to go. First she was cool about it. Then here it comes....
I get this message that she's skipping it too.
Then she calls me and I can tell she's mad and saying she's driving there.
She tells me "family stuff is apart of my life".
Calls mutual friend saying I don't want to go to any events at all.
Clearly upset.
I told her that I have never expected her to go anywhere and wouldn't ask her to do anything, doesn't phase her.
She wants to talk but I said lets give it a day.
At this point, I'm thinking this is just a red flag for other things considering we are entering holiday season and she's starting to plan all kinds of things. I don't think she wants to talk about it as much as she just wants me to see it her way but I haven't talked to her much about it.
What bothers me the most is how she handled it. I just said I don't want to go somewhere, and I get all of this BS.
I get this message that she's skipping it too.
Then she calls me and I can tell she's mad and saying she's driving there.
She tells me "family stuff is apart of my life".
Calls mutual friend saying I don't want to go to any events at all.
Clearly upset.
I told her that I have never expected her to go anywhere and wouldn't ask her to do anything, doesn't phase her.
She wants to talk but I said lets give it a day.
At this point, I'm thinking this is just a red flag for other things considering we are entering holiday season and she's starting to plan all kinds of things. I don't think she wants to talk about it as much as she just wants me to see it her way but I haven't talked to her much about it.
What bothers me the most is how she handled it. I just said I don't want to go somewhere, and I get all of this BS.
10-14-2023, 05:33 PM
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#2
10-14-2023, 05:34 PM
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#3
- Cadet4life
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- Cadet4life
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we all goin to make it
be the turtle in the race.
10-14-2023, 05:35 PM
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#4
10-14-2023, 05:36 PM
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#5
- meanstringbean
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- meanstringbean
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Say you need more a heads up, and that you approach time differently. For ex: some people need a spotless kitchen, living room, desk, etc. while others are ok with some mess. Some people need every detail of a vacation planned down to meal while others are go with the flow.
How you spend time is no different. Some people literally just wake up and putz around. I prefer to have clear blocks of things Im doing and when Im doing them (ex: gym in AM, grocery run, going to a festival in afternoon, etc.). It's impossible to do all that chit if you just wake up and see where day takes you, but on other hand people like that spontaneous. I f'ing hate those types of surprises.
Yes in general family stuff is more important than random crap like watching the game with the boys, and at 6 months in meeting and time with family is likely a big deal. But she also should respect your schedule more. Have that conversation and at the very least she needs to see where you are coming from, and going forward to give you heads up so you can prioritize.
The above is a srs answer. Im sure the rest of the responses will be 'lol stupid sloot, u dodged a bullet boyo'
How you spend time is no different. Some people literally just wake up and putz around. I prefer to have clear blocks of things Im doing and when Im doing them (ex: gym in AM, grocery run, going to a festival in afternoon, etc.). It's impossible to do all that chit if you just wake up and see where day takes you, but on other hand people like that spontaneous. I f'ing hate those types of surprises.
Yes in general family stuff is more important than random crap like watching the game with the boys, and at 6 months in meeting and time with family is likely a big deal. But she also should respect your schedule more. Have that conversation and at the very least she needs to see where you are coming from, and going forward to give you heads up so you can prioritize.
The above is a srs answer. Im sure the rest of the responses will be 'lol stupid sloot, u dodged a bullet boyo'
10-14-2023, 05:51 PM
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#6
- OliverHeldens
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What do you want? She's trying to move you from Stage 1 to Stage 2 of the relationship. If you want to keep things in Stage 1, let her know.
Personally, I just avoid ever getting this serious with females because I have zero interest in pretending what her boring family in the suburbs somewhere are doing. And the type of girl I typically date wouldn't even want me to do these things.
But make no mistake, it's not your job to break up in this situation. You're not the one trying to move things along. If she wants to change the dynamics to something you never agreed to, it's her reponsibility to be the one who ends it.
Personally, I just avoid ever getting this serious with females because I have zero interest in pretending what her boring family in the suburbs somewhere are doing. And the type of girl I typically date wouldn't even want me to do these things.
But make no mistake, it's not your job to break up in this situation. You're not the one trying to move things along. If she wants to change the dynamics to something you never agreed to, it's her reponsibility to be the one who ends it.
10-14-2023, 05:54 PM
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#7
- BraddlesMcGee
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- BraddlesMcGee
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Originally Posted By Jasonw1178⏩
I've had this drama. As the one paying for it.1yo's don't understand birthdays, it's for the parents.
'It's for your son'
No it's a party for your family and friends.
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10-14-2023, 05:58 PM
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#8
- Tanerian
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- Tanerian
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Dating for 6 months, actually wants the relationship to move forward...
OP: OMG WTF IS THIS YOU'RE CRAZY!
Some of you ****ers are hopeless if you can't navigate situations like this.
She wants to be seen with you by her family. It's not hard to understand. In her head, "You and Her" are becoming "Us" and she wants her people to start viewing it that way as well. The actual event doesn't matter, it's not for her cousin or the parents, it's literally for your GF.
Shouldn't be hard to politely decline, and schedule some other time to meet her family more. And if you're not interested in that, let her know so you can both move on boyo.
OP: OMG WTF IS THIS YOU'RE CRAZY!
Some of you ****ers are hopeless if you can't navigate situations like this.
She wants to be seen with you by her family. It's not hard to understand. In her head, "You and Her" are becoming "Us" and she wants her people to start viewing it that way as well. The actual event doesn't matter, it's not for her cousin or the parents, it's literally for your GF.
Shouldn't be hard to politely decline, and schedule some other time to meet her family more. And if you're not interested in that, let her know so you can both move on boyo.
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10-14-2023, 05:58 PM
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#9
- kimm4
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I don't care what stage of a relationship a couple is in. You're grown adults and some functions you might want to attend and other's you don't. I never understood why this is such a big deal...let her go solo.
Good luck.
Good luck.
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10-14-2023, 06:01 PM
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#10
- Jasonw1178
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- Jasonw1178
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Originally Posted By meanstringbean⏩
Good response.Say you need more a heads up, and that you approach time differently. For ex: some people need a spotless kitchen, living room, desk, etc. while others are ok with some mess. Some people need every detail of a vacation planned down to meal while others are go with the flow.
How you spend time is no different. Some people literally just wake up and putz around. I prefer to have clear blocks of things Im doing and when Im doing them (ex: gym in AM, grocery run, going to a festival in afternoon, etc.). It's impossible to do all that chit if you just wake up and see where day takes you, but on other hand people like that spontaneous. I f'ing hate those types of surprises.
Yes in general family stuff is more important than random crap like watching the game with the boys, and at 6 months in meeting and time with family is likely a big deal. But she also should respect your schedule more. Have that conversation and at the very least she needs to see where you are coming from, and going forward to give you heads up so you can prioritize.
The above is a srs answer. Im sure the rest of the responses will be 'lol stupid sloot, u dodged a bullet boyo'
How you spend time is no different. Some people literally just wake up and putz around. I prefer to have clear blocks of things Im doing and when Im doing them (ex: gym in AM, grocery run, going to a festival in afternoon, etc.). It's impossible to do all that chit if you just wake up and see where day takes you, but on other hand people like that spontaneous. I f'ing hate those types of surprises.
Yes in general family stuff is more important than random crap like watching the game with the boys, and at 6 months in meeting and time with family is likely a big deal. But she also should respect your schedule more. Have that conversation and at the very least she needs to see where you are coming from, and going forward to give you heads up so you can prioritize.
The above is a srs answer. Im sure the rest of the responses will be 'lol stupid sloot, u dodged a bullet boyo'
To me, I understand why she wants me to meet family. I've already met quite a few, but she has all these cousins and distant family and she basically is planning tons of events that she just schedules me to and they usually take up a whole day of my weekend and I have other things to do for myself. I don't even have any family, so it's not even at all. If she was graduation or something like that, I would have gone, but a 1yo's birthday? come on. She is a generally overbearing person too.
My main concern is how she reacted to me telling her no. I wouldn't have treated things that way.
Most of all, I feel numb like I don't really care. I'm not all that attracted to her, 6mo no smash, srs.
10-14-2023, 06:01 PM
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#11
Originally Posted By Tanerian⏩
6 months is nothing, and she's being very inconsiderate.Dating for 6 months, actually wants the relationship to move forward...
OP: OMG WTF IS THIS YOU'RE CRAZY!
Some of you ****ers are hopeless if you can't navigate situations like this.
OP: OMG WTF IS THIS YOU'RE CRAZY!
Some of you ****ers are hopeless if you can't navigate situations like this.
10-14-2023, 06:03 PM
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#12
- crupiea
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- crupiea
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She is just **** testing you.
Two ways to pursue it.
1- If you want to stay with her then step up and just say no. She wont like it but will have no choice but to get used to it. the is the actual outcome she wants. She doesnt really care that much about her stupid family events, she cares about seeing if you are a suitable partner going forward.
2- if you secretly want to get rid of her this is an easy way to do it. Just give in and apologize and go to the stupid events. This will turn her off and she will lose interest in you. She will leave thus accomplishing what you secretly wanted all along.
Two ways to pursue it.
1- If you want to stay with her then step up and just say no. She wont like it but will have no choice but to get used to it. the is the actual outcome she wants. She doesnt really care that much about her stupid family events, she cares about seeing if you are a suitable partner going forward.
2- if you secretly want to get rid of her this is an easy way to do it. Just give in and apologize and go to the stupid events. This will turn her off and she will lose interest in you. She will leave thus accomplishing what you secretly wanted all along.
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10-14-2023, 06:06 PM
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#13
- Tanerian
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- Tanerian
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Originally Posted By Polaris⏩
6 months is a perfectly reasonable amount of time to want your S/O to meet your family you ****ing goober. Retard Miscers out here getting married after 2 years of knowing a person.6 months is nothing, and she's being very inconsiderate.
And sure, she's being inconsiderate, I didn't say cave into her demands. OP not wanting to do it isn't an issue, how he's reacting to it is. Jesus Christ worrying about red flags and **** like women wanting their S/O's to attend family events is some crazy chit. Meanstringbean made a good post, just listen to that guy.
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Fukin mall cop neg police of piss
10-14-2023, 06:09 PM
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#14
10-14-2023, 06:11 PM
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#15
- meanstringbean
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- meanstringbean
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Originally Posted By Jasonw1178⏩
6 month no smash? wtf if she super religious or something? When I was single and dating like 4 girls on rotation one went months without putting out and eventually was ready for it but then I broke up with her because she clearly viewed sex differently than I did and I was one foot out the door already, and didnt want to bump and run ded srsGood response.
To me, I understand why she wants me to meet family. I've already met quite a few, but she has all these cousins and distant family and she basically is planning tons of events that she just schedules me to and they usually take up a whole day of my weekend and I have other things to do for myself. I don't even have any family, so it's not even at all. If she was graduation or something like that, I would have gone, but a 1yo's birthday? come on. She is a generally overbearing person too.
My main concern is how she reacted to me telling her no. I wouldn't have treated things that way.
Most of all, I feel numb like I don't really care. I'm not all that attracted to her, 6mo no smash, srs.
To me, I understand why she wants me to meet family. I've already met quite a few, but she has all these cousins and distant family and she basically is planning tons of events that she just schedules me to and they usually take up a whole day of my weekend and I have other things to do for myself. I don't even have any family, so it's not even at all. If she was graduation or something like that, I would have gone, but a 1yo's birthday? come on. She is a generally overbearing person too.
My main concern is how she reacted to me telling her no. I wouldn't have treated things that way.
Most of all, I feel numb like I don't really care. I'm not all that attracted to her, 6mo no smash, srs.
Sexual incompatibility this early is worth addressing but tbh idk how, because as they say you cant negotiate attraction and IMO once you bring up 'why arent we having sex' to a girl she will be turned off even more
10-14-2023, 06:15 PM
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#16
10-14-2023, 06:21 PM
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#17
- Matty5RA
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- Matty5RA
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Originally Posted By Jasonw1178⏩
- Been dating 6 months, haven’t smashed in said 6 monthsGood response.
To me, I understand why she wants me to meet family. I've already met quite a few, but she has all these cousins and distant family and she basically is planning tons of events that she just schedules me to and they usually take up a whole day of my weekend and I have other things to do for myself. I don't even have any family, so it's not even at all. If she was graduation or something like that, I would have gone, but a 1yo's birthday? come on. She is a generally overbearing person too.
My main concern is how she reacted to me telling her no. I wouldn't have treated things that way.
Most of all, I feel numb like I don't really care. I'm not all that attracted to her, 6mo no smash, srs.
To me, I understand why she wants me to meet family. I've already met quite a few, but she has all these cousins and distant family and she basically is planning tons of events that she just schedules me to and they usually take up a whole day of my weekend and I have other things to do for myself. I don't even have any family, so it's not even at all. If she was graduation or something like that, I would have gone, but a 1yo's birthday? come on. She is a generally overbearing person too.
My main concern is how she reacted to me telling her no. I wouldn't have treated things that way.
Most of all, I feel numb like I don't really care. I'm not all that attracted to her, 6mo no smash, srs.
- Not attracted to her
What sort of waster relationship is this lol
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10-14-2023, 06:24 PM
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#18
10-14-2023, 06:27 PM
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#19
- PrimarisIn
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Originally Posted By ezmac31⏩
6 months no smash, she has zero right to any expectation
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