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Forum » I was homeless once
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Thread: I was homeless once

post 1694071763 11-28-2023, 05:59 PM
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I was homeless once

I was homeless once. I was invited into the home of a middle class family. As they served me breakfast, I demanded that my eggs be served lightly scrambled but not over cooked, and my toast must be wheat or whole grain, lightly toasted with olive oil and oregano instead of butter. Just because I was homeless doesn’t mean I can’t eat healthy, right?

When they told me I would be staying in the guest bedroom, I told them I have a daily three hour masturbation session from noon until 3 pm, and would appreciate it if they didn’t disturb me during those hours.

I was kicked out within five minutes of getting invited in, some people are too sensitive, know what I mean?
**********
How is that for the first joke in a standup comedy routine?
Exercise will get you through times of ill health better than no exercise will get you through times of good health.
post 1694072263 11-28-2023, 06:13 PM
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sounds pretty normal for most people honestly, so yea not bad
post 1694072353 11-28-2023, 06:15 PM
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post 1694072393 11-28-2023, 06:15 PM
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Just remember when they flash the flashlight at you that it means you are bombing and its time to get off the stage.
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post 1694074133 11-28-2023, 06:48 PM
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Originally Posted By Parkerscott⏩
Just remember when they flash the flashlight at you that it means you are bombing and its time to get off the stage.
Maybe the joke is too verbose, I might need to trim it down
Exercise will get you through times of ill health better than no exercise will get you through times of good health.
post 1694074213 11-28-2023, 06:49 PM
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More times than not it's not the joke but the way you tell it that makes it funny
"it takes a wise man to know when he is in error and a noble man to admit to it"
post 1694074383 11-28-2023, 06:52 PM
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this thread is chit and OP is a chit tier troll.
post 1694074473 11-28-2023, 06:54 PM
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Originally Posted By latverian41⏩
More times than not it's not the joke but the way you tell it that makes it funny
I think they need to be broken up into two separate jokes:

Joke 1:

I was homeless once. I was invited into the home of a middle class family. As they served me breakfast, I demanded that my eggs be served lightly scrambled but not over cooked, and my toast must be wheat or whole grain, lightly toasted with olive oil and oregano instead of butter. Just because I was homeless doesn’t mean I can’t eat healthy, right?

Joke 2:

I was homeless once. A nice family invited me to stay with them in their guest bedroom. I told them I have a daily three hour masturbation session from noon until 3 pm, and I was kicked out within five minutes of getting invited in, some people are too sensitive, know what I mean?
Exercise will get you through times of ill health better than no exercise will get you through times of good health.
post 1694075053 11-28-2023, 07:06 PM
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Originally Posted By AdvancedDreamer⏩
this thread is chit and OP is a chit tier troll.
What if I decided I couldn't go on the American way, so I closed the shop, sold the house, bought a ticket to the West Coast, so I can give them a stand-up routine in LA?
Exercise will get you through times of ill health better than no exercise will get you through times of good health.
post 1694083113 11-28-2023, 10:31 PM
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A man is going to rent a bedroom, and asks:

“What’s the policy on sex in the bedroom?”

“Why, do you plan on having sex in this bedroom?”

“No, I’m a 30 year old virgin. But three hour masturbation sessions will be a regular occurrence if I rent this room, and I was wondering if that was okay with the landlord.”
Exercise will get you through times of ill health better than no exercise will get you through times of good health.
post 1694083323 11-28-2023, 10:37 PM
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A man is yelling at his wife for ordering pizza instead of cooking dinner.

A black man gets the attention of his white room mate, saying: “It’s that show with that actor that looks just like you! You know, you’re gonna catch hell at work tomorrow because most of the people we know think that actor is you!”

The doppelgänger on TV continues his tirade: “I should bitch slap you!”
Exercise will get you through times of ill health better than no exercise will get you through times of good health.
post 1695536703 12-28-2023, 10:17 PM
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Me too JFL.
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