This post is the goat response, took me a while to get it but when I did mind=blown

Oke, your post made my day better, there's hope

I meant to say that being myself does not guarantee finding "the one", but the fact that experienced people in this thread said love just requires work from both sides and there are more people to be compatible with made me happy.
I'm young, immature and I have an explosive personality, lost someone awesome due to this behaviour, I learned from mistakes but I still get sad sometimes when I'm thinking that maybe I won't find someone like him again
Thank you for your post tho, it is helpful

Some people speak of temperament in terms of introvert-extrovert, does a person get their energy from interactions with others and is drained by time alone contemplating things (extrovert), or are they drained by time with others and refreshed by time alone (introvert). Nobody is absolutely one or the other, and the extrovert still meets people who bore them, and the introvert will enjoy even a large group of people if they're talking about some subject they love (thus nerds having fun playing D&D).

Most people know about that part, but another part of temperament is stable-labile. That is, is the person's mood fairly stable against the ups and downs of daily life, or are their emotions easily aroused and strongly expressed. Generally speaking, women are more labile than men (which is why they're more prone to depression, anxiety and so on), and younger people more labile than older people (ditto).

With both aspects of temperament, nobody is completely one end of the extreme, and the person can with effort move themselves some distance along the spectrum. As an introvert (yes, playing D&D), the army taught me to be extroverted. And you will find that if you have more "anchors" in your life - permanent job, reliable boyfriend and friends and family, some sort of hobby or community group - you'll become more stable.

Our society values stable extroverts, and selects against labile introverts. But the complete extrovert is tiring to be around, never contemplates themselves and finds learning new things difficult (because they hate to sit and deliberate on what they've learned, read books and so on). And while stability is a useful trait in a relationship, if you're not somewhat labile you'll have no emotions to express. So reject the social pressure for everyone to become stable extroverts, but do consider how some anchors in your life, and practice of self-reflection, meditation or whatever suits you, may make you more stable. And in any case you describe yourself as "immature", most of us find that as we get older we become more stable. I'm not sure how much that is the natural process of aging and how much that we manage to get more anchors in our lives, though.

Consider too that in relationships, differences can clash or they can complement, as Aristolean was alluding to above. For example, two extreme extroverts would tire themselves out with endless partying, and two extreme introverts might never talk to each-other; but an extrovert would be taught to slow down and enjoy quiet times by an introvert, and the introvert would be brought out of their shell to meet other people with similar interests ("Come to the D&D game tonight!"). Likewise, two stable people would live lives in parallel and have no passion, but two labile people would break up, get back together, break up, get back together, and finally break up again and each say the other was a horrible evil sht. But a stable person would make a good anchor for a labile person, and the labile person would encourage the stable person to express their emotions, both happy ones like lust and generosity, and unhappy ones like sadness and anger.

Differences can complement, or they can clash. It's up to you. Which is to say that while extremes are never good, in your being labile you do have something good to offer a person.

This post sounds like a research study, had to pause music so I can concentrate and understand everything correctly. I am only 22 years old and I think that I have a good balance between being an extrovert and an introvert, I am very sociable and friendly ,I can easily make friends and usually am told that I'm funny : at a certain point I am in the centre of the attention in my groups. However, just as you said, I sometimes find that tiring so I would rather spend time alone reading, painting,meditating, walking so I tell my friends I can't meet them cause I'm busy or have other plans.
I met someone who is more mature than me, stable and focused, in my opinion everything about him is perfect. I just ruined things with me being labile, just as you said. I was jealous in a weird way, not saying anything but ignoring him for days, then would apologize when my mood would change. I knew it wasn't his fault, but I would still do this to him.
Even back then I was going to school, gym and had a schedule to keep me focused and motivated, but I guess he got tired of my labile side who would relapse at a certain moment. Maybe it's the age too.
I think that for me a stable man is a must, I simply don't find masculine or attractive those who aren't stable and rationale, I prefer this rather than romantic for example, I think that a woman can transform a man to show emotion and feelings like I did with him, but stability is a tendency. Currently I just better myself and learn to relax a bit more, think before hurting people with words and wait until the 5 mins phase when I'm angry is gone, because after that I am back to calm and nice. In relationships I tend to be a bit labile and spoiled, I only had relationships with people that are more mature than me, the one that I regret losing is now 29 so he took care of me like a baby. At school and in the professional environment I'm very rationale, so I explode in my personal life.
It's very true what you said, your post shows a lot of experience and maturity and I wish more people were like you here on misc. Thank you

Plenty of people haven't learned anything once they reach 46. It appears that it took me over 30 years just to learn a thing or two.Good stuff. I took a year of Japanese, and so much of it is about politeness and respect. It's literally coded into their language.

As usual, this all makes sense - dedication, sacrifice, hard work, being tired all the time, etc. - but it's also quite intimidating. Glad you are happy. But do you ever wonder what your life might be like if you made some very different choices? For example, what if you somehow did something boneheaded like myself and let your wife walk out the door before you got married? Where would your life be right now?

this thread gives me hope

Bro, I don't know what line of work you're in, but if you're not a relationship counselor, it appears you missed your calling in life.

when he stops the bullets with his hand.

I don't have to wonder. As I alluded in your self-pitying thread, I did pretty much that in my 20s. I bounced around for some years after that, lost almost all my friends, and was even at one point homeless.

Blowing a relationship with a good woman is like going bust on your mortgage, getting struck off a professional register (like a paramedic I knew of who took a selfie with a DOA), becoming a drug addict, or doing a couple of years in prison for something. Basically, if you're dumb then it ruins the rest of your life, if you're smart then it costs you about 10 years while you get your sht back together. The things you would have achieved by (say) 30 it now takes you until 40 to do.

I'm happy and have a good life now. But I could have done it ten years earlier. Don't fck it up again, brothoven.

When you cum but she keeps sucking

Lol. C'mon man, sure there was plenty of self-pity in there, but at its core it was an educational thread. I needed some advice and you guys reamed me a new one and knocked some sense into me. And it also serves as a warning to anybody who reads the thread and doesn't want to make the same mistakes.I see, I didn't realize you had such a rich depth of experiences to knock you in the right direction. Crazy. I'm at a similar point in my life now. Sometimes you need to hit rock bottom before you can bounce back up the other way.Damn, you are right. Lost about 6 years with her, and will take at least 4 years to get my chit back together. I'm officially on the 10 year plan.I won't, brother. Did you let a really good one go before you settled down? At any rate, I'm glad you're happy and you've made it, brah. Thanks for all the advice you've given ITT and elsewhere.

when you see them/think of them the same way before and after jerking-off.

You stop wondering if they are the one

This is a problem. Emmeline Pankhurst didn't chain herself to Parliament house and go on hunger strike in prison just so you could baby it up as grown woman. You're 22.

Before 22 years old, Tania Aebi sailed solo around the world.
Before 22 years old, Gertrude Bell was the first woman to graduate in Modern History from Oxford - she completed her degree in two years.
At 24 years old, Laura Bingham crossed the continent of South America on a bicycle. She'd previously crossed the Atlantic in a catamaran.
At 14 years old, Jade Hameister skiied to the North Pole.
By the age of 22, Jane Austen had written her first novel.
By 22, many women in the world and through history have had four children, been widowed in a war, and looked after a farm on their own. Others have gone to war as soldiers, nurses or war correspondents.

Strength and independence is frightening because then you are responsible for all your successes and failures, and people expect more of you. It's a long journey if you're starting from infantilism. Begin with squatting, pressing and pulling three times a week and adding weight to the bar each time. Get coaching. The process of becoming physically stronger makes you mentally stronger, more stable, and makes you grow up.

You're 22. Time to be a woman, not a girl. Then you'll meet more men.

And that, brothoven, is why I'm not a relationship counsellor. Because people don't take, "yes, I understand, now harden the fck up" very well.

Right again, I still refer to myself as a girl and not a woman, but because I think my mother is a real woman and she's so fierce, strong and ambitious, she could easily be part of your post up there, so I feel cheating if I call myself a woman. The thing is, I am not infantile at all, I did some things on my own and learned a lot from my mistakes, I moved to another country and got a scholarship here, but I'm originally from a poor country and I grew up with lots of love, but not a lot of material things. I find myself pretty mature and independent, had to grow up and take care of myself while other teens were still on fluffy clouds, so I wanted to be the spoiled one in my relationship at least.
At school and in my professional life I am always aware of my battles and I do not have lots of problem with those, I am in a continuous search for better, I'm always frustrated and struggling for progress, kinda confident with my career path, I was always ok with this sector.
On the other hand, my love life totally sucks and now I understand why he left me, because he wanted a woman and not a girl. I wanted his attention and validation, would cause him pain only to "test" his behaviour and other things, I realize now it was only bullchit and probably any other guy would have left.
I need to grow up in terms of relationship and stop being so spoiled or treating the guy bad, but I don't have any motivation to date anymore, I just feel like I lost the guy I wanted the most and it's over.
And then I'm thinking "I will meet a quality guy once" but then I remember, it won't be him so what's the purpose to waste someone's time. What is your advice?
I see myself as someone who can conquer anything, but I want to be stronger physically and mentally too so will follow your advice by adding weight to the bar and try to grow up.

Also, thank you for the quality advice and the effort you made to concentrate ideas in such a good motivating way

Same as brothoven. "I fcked up, I move on, I won't fck up in the same way again." Everyone makes mistakes, the question is whether you learn from them. And that's a choice.

Gym. You start easy and build up. At some point you go in and think you'll fail. You get under a weight, you go down, start coming up, feel that sticking point and just give up and dump the bar. Then next time it occurs to you, or your coach tells you, "what if you just keep pushing?" So you keep pushing and by god that damn weight comes up. You're not going to do another 10 reps with that weight - but it came up. And then you learn an important lesson, that you can do difficult things simply because you decided to. And this helps you in the rest of your life.

Any time you face a challenge and overcome it, you become mentally stronger. The problem is that life throws you random challenges, things might be piss-easy or stupidly difficult, it's like going into the gym and rolling the dice to see what weight to put on the bar today. But some things offer incremental challenges, like university and the gym. Start easy and build up.

Going through those makes you mentally stronger, so you've a better chance at dealing with the random challenges life throws you.

And being strong and jacked always helps. Get physically bigger and stronger and you not only feel more grown up, but people take you more seriously. Which leads you to take yourself more seriously, and feel less need to troll guys to test them and all that sort of bullsht.

Thank you, makes sense in my head now, will come and read those answers you gave me when I'm feeling weak or demotivated

Just get a coach for the training part. Then you don't need any motivational speeches, you just show up and do the work.

I probably do.

I assure you I didnt make this up.
Love changes form with time. I love him but I am not in love with him like I was in the beginning of this relationship. We have been together since forever and cant see myself without him anymore. And I cannot remember when we fought for the last time. We never fight about little things, it has to be something huge to start fighting.

Perhaps not... but that is what they need to hear. From what I see, you'd be more effective than 99% of the "experts" out there that just listen to you talk and nod.

Where did you get all those facts about young women? You are killing it ITT.

I was a slut.

No such thing, and can never be certain. There are many truly compatible people.

Most of these indicators (feelings, actions, experiences, etc.) shouldn't be isolated to one individual.

Couples divorcing 60 > has been increasing.