came for answers and tips, got none

Be yourself.

You only ever know for certain when you lose them, srs

"The One" is a social construct. She/he doesn't exist. There are many "ones" for you. Lots of good "ones," lots of bad "ones."

Find a person you are most compatible with.
You just made this up.

There is no such thing as "the one." Life isn't the Matrix.

No such thing and the older you get it becomes more apparent.

If she doesn't scream and run away from you, you know she's the one.

After you bust...

Do you still find her interesting?

Thats love right there.

When she puts on the strap on and takes you on a cloud of prostate pleasure.

There's a lot of truth to this. Lmao and repped

Still looking... I'll let you know when I find the one!

When you develop feelings for the other after 1 year together and she tells you after Christmas that she doesn't love you! Great start to the year for me lol.

A lot of truth to this one as well.If it was so special, why didn't it work out? Did he leave you?

yes hymen yes diamond

True story. I'm in Ft Lauderdale 10 years ago for work, first paid trip for training. Head down to the beach after training and spring break is winding down, heard some drunk sorority chicks trying to talk their friend into entering the hot body contest at the hotel. She ends up doing it and wins, easily, perfect body and face, srs. I tried talking to her after and she laughed and said settle down meat head. Saw her the next day walking through the hotel and asked her to hold the door for the meat head. Wearing my suit looking good, she didn't recognize me. We laughed about it and she agreed to meet later that night. She showed up an hour late with a friend, but we hit it off instantly. Not only was she hot, but cool af. Not so much a wife, but partner in crime. Hot af to this day. I knew the instant I saw her, srs. Wasn't a doubt in my mind after talking to her for 10 mins that I would murder the city of Lauderdale to be with her.

current girl i'm with i am absolutely crazy about and i think the big sign is that we talk kids a lot. i have never ever talked about having a family with a girl i've dated and with this one i do it all the time with no hesitation. i think if a woman has you thinking about family and kids there must be something very special about it and you should do everything you can to stay with her.

Sad if true. You can only keep up an act for so long. Everyone does it a little (on good behavior), but if you aren't being yourself then the other person isn't really in a relationship with you.

Can happen from the other side too. Sometimes people fall for an idealized version of their partner that isn't real and then are mad/sad when the penny finally drops that you can't change other people.

Past that, also do not believe in "the one". Unless you mean "the one you are relating well to in this moment". You could probably find multiple people that you could have a relationship with.

Here is some good stuff about all that:

https://waitbutwhy.com/2014/02/pick-life-partner.html

she'll have a dink the same size as yours

44 pages of answers
https://forum.obnoxiousbrutes.com/showt...4202581&page=1

Unless your name is Morpheus, you're never going to find 'The One'...

You never want to bang another girl or look at porn (srs)

The One is a state of mind!

We were talking one day and she said "if we ever part ways" that statement felt like a mountain falling down on me. Bought her a ring and the mountain hasn't fallen after 20 years.

7 billion people, obviously there isn't "the one".

There is no "one", there are many people you could settle down with. As The Whitlams song said, "she was one in a million... that means there's five more just in New South Wales."

A good book to read is Fromm'sArt of Loving, which sounds like it'd be a sex book, but it's not. He says some interesting things there. One is that "loving" isn't merely a feeling, it's an action. If a mother says "I love my children" but doesn't bother feeding and cleaning them, you wonder how much she really does love them. But it goes further than this, in that doing loving acts creates feelings of love in both the giver and receiver.

He notes that in the days of arranged marriage, people weren't expected to love when they first got together, it was expected to grow from their actions over time, so it was thought you could love anyone, given time. But nowadays all our stories talk about two people who meet and there's this spontaneous eruption of passion and "true love" and they're together forever and ever without effort; there's only one person for you, but with that person it'll be effortless.

Of course, both extremes are silly. The truth is that there must be some compatibility, but also there must be some work. That we say, "work is a four-letter word, haha" is a reflection not of work being inherently bad, but modern employment being alienating and miserable. Good work is hard but fulfilling, like the feeling you get after cooking for a big family dinner, or putting together a bookcase and arranging your books in it, or fixing up the old hot rod in the garage.

Fromm also quotes some other shrink as saying, love is a state where two people respond to one another's expressed needs. This is strange, he says, "because surely if love means anything, it means responding to one another'sunexpressedneeds."

So we could say that you know she is the right one for you when you both have the same idea of what loving is.

Sorry to hear that. Obviously that makes it seem like he wasn't the one, but... did you make any major mistakes that chased him away? If so, I can definitely relate. I chased away my one as well.Solid move, bro. So after 20 years, how's the marriage? Still feel the same way?

Great post, my man. You seem wise beyond your years. So has all this knowledge paid off for you?

I'm 46 years old. If I haven't learned something useful by now then it'd be embarrassing.Married since 2009. Two children. We are happy, just tired a lot. But that's kids. It's easy to get so caught up in the everyday bullsht of work and kids that you forget to be "us" from time to time. It takes a deliberate effort - work, as Fromm would say.

I think a lot of it is ordinary courtesy. "Thankyou for making dinner, that was lovely, and I was just too tired," that sort of thing. It's not trendy, but old-style courtesy - without being a pompous dckhead - makes a big difference to the quality of your day. Ask anyone who's visited somewhere like Japan and then come back to our rougher Western world. And this small stuff shows respect, which means you get respect back, and so on. And then this flows on into the bedroom, you can't ignore or speak sharply to each-other all day and then expect sexytimes in bed, but a day of courtesy and kindness and compliments, well that day ends differently.

If anyone hopes to benefit from this thread - and some posters are complaining that there haven't been enough tips and tricks presented - be sure to internalize what I quoted above. The interplay between how you treat your partner and how you are treated by your partner is what forms the basis for normally assessing what is meant by 'the one'. KyleAaron - I don't think many people who use the phrase mean that X is the sole person on the planet who could ever be my partner - I think it is rather 'we complement each other in a way that is malleable, and as she grows I grow, and when she suffers I'm there for her, and when I suffer she's there for me, and even if we have screamed at each other during a ****ty year, we re-connect. And we always do, whereas before either of us would have just thrown the towel in'.

'The one' isn't a static set of pleasures, which was implied by at least one previous post in this thread which refers to the sort of blissful head over heels sensation that dominates the start of some relationships. This is something I still feel today with my wife, years after we got married, but it's not a constant feeling. This is because you (the person reading this) are not constant. You're sometimes worried about your job, about career progression, about your friendships, about your image when you look at yourself in the mirror and see the wrinkles setting in and consistently struggle to get out of bed in the morning. But if your partner is able to changewith you, it goes back to the point I made above regarding 'complementing each other'. And courtesy goes a long way towards complementing another person - too many relationships and personality types are now focused on 'me me me', when it should be 'we we we', as a relationship with someone else - by definition - includes that person's interests as well.