To this as well as everyone else as the BF I can't get a definite answer from her? Here is the exact text from her, "So I'm hearing that dec 1 might be a day for the service. They're trying to get a day that everyone for the family can have a good weekend to come down. So that's sounding about right." Not sure about you, but nothing in those texts state no I'm not coming back. Let's say I cancelled and came down. I still don't know what her plan is. So I'm just supposed to sit here and guess what she is thinking and wants?

And to everyone saying I'm selfish to reschedule I didn't do that for my sake. I did it for her. I understand her father passed away, but do you think her life needs to be put on hold for this? Me personally I don't think so. Realistically her father is gone and she has the option to change the date so she can continue her life as normal without throwing her future down the drain and attend her fathers service. Which adding on, she has dropped out of high school, dropped out of two college courses and now this is the third time she is dropping out of college. It's a pattern here. I'm noticing that if she has an excuse to back out of it, she will do it. Because I'm sure almost everyone here would take a week off from work or school for something like this, but not totally throw their career or future down the drain. Again, my opinion. This literally has nothing to do with Italy. It has to do with her taking commitments seriously. Because school and work are commitments.

I understand what you said in the first page, but being honest she has a problem with manipulation. Not with this, but with scenarios in the past. No point getting into details about it, but all I said is that I need to talk to my unit. It's a military exercise that I can't just fly back home, be with her family, then fly back. And at this point if that is a possibility, I'm not aware of it and she said a lot more after this. Her tone is what I'm getting at is if I'm not there, then it's over. Her words, "Then I see how you and I stand." So I have to say yeah I'll be there, my unit could say no and then go back and say sorry can't go?

And I agree it's already toast. Even if I cancel Italy she will resent me forever which I never said I was going to Italy. I kind of have to talk to people before that happens. This is the girl who was depressed, suicidal, had a loaded revolver in her hand ready to do it, cut herself for the past four years and I identified that something was wrong literally 1900 miles away. I helped her through that whole thing not her family. Her family didn't care. She told her father that she didn't want to live anymore and he brushed it off and said, "ehhh you'll be fine." Then she went inside and cut herself because of that. I'm just so frustrated now.

Your perspective makes fine sense, you are approaching it from a logical/sensible standpoint. But you also need to understand, especially given her history of being unbalanced, that approaching the conversation from a logical, and non-empathetic position isn't going to reach her at this time. She wasn't going to have some epiphany, "You know, you're right, I've been running from responsibility all my life - and the last thing I need to do is let my emotionally abusive father continue to ruin my life now that he's gone." There wasn't a scenario where that happens, ever, even if it makes sense to an outside observer. And even if your message was just looking for answers, it needed to be framed in a more sensitive way.

Frankly, she doesn't seem like a real catch if what you are saying is true - you got good things going on in your life, don't piss it away for someone with BPD. Don't argue with her anymore. There is a 1% chance at some point in time she comes to the conclusion I posted above on her own, and things work out - but not if you two start bitching at each other. Best thing would be to send her some kind of message expressing your condolences for her dad and that you think she's an amazing person blah blah.

It is true brah. All of it and much more. That’s why I’m so frustrated because I acted on her depression. I helped her through and saved her life. And this is how she always responds to me. I honestly think she has BPD. And I see the horrid on how other miscers deal with it and it’s a huge mind fuk

Yes it was redraider. That was me last year in April/May timeframe.

Edit: Ha. I went back to my PM and the last message I sent was talking to you about her. Your first response was saying how you think she has BPD. How I should have listened to you.