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Forum » Just Asked My 18 Year Old Son To Leave The House
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Thread: Just Asked My 18 Year Old Son To Leave The House

post 1537025601 12-09-2017, 03:51 PM
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Originally Posted By Ironmanlet⏩
So I guess people actually think parents can force their kids into the military? This is really a thing? okay. That is interesting.
They seem to think the military will fix him and instill the values and discipline he failed to learn growing up

Crazy
post 1537025671 12-09-2017, 03:52 PM
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post 1537025711 12-09-2017, 03:52 PM
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Originally Posted By MiscInformed⏩
March him down to the US Marine Corps recruiting center and tell him he has a choice to make... live under your roof by your rules or start fending for himself. A stint in the Marines will knock that chip off his shoulder and help him pay for school when he gets out.
This would be a good idea.
post 1537025721 12-09-2017, 03:52 PM
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Sounds like me when I was 18

Edit: ^ yeah probably the best thing for him. It worked for me
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post 1537025791 12-09-2017, 03:53 PM
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Originally Posted By Rabbitjb⏩
They seem to think the military will fix him and instill the values and discipline he failed to learn growing up

Crazy
And now the people in the military are responsible for making the kid grow up, because his family pushed him off.

Not because he wanted to volunteer for this volunteer force.
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post 1537025811 12-09-2017, 03:53 PM
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He'll be back OP. Kid just needs his world rocked once or twice before he straightens up some
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post 1537025851 12-09-2017, 03:53 PM
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Originally Posted By AlBHappy⏩
He didn't have his phone. Left it at his girlfriend's house. Asked him to stay, told him he was welcome to stay, and we'll talk through it over a beer, chose to leave.

He's always been an entitled kid. Thinks the world owes him something

In regard to dinners, we tell him, dinner's at 7, if you aren't going to be here, you're on your own. We make him do his own laundry, fold his own clothes. We made him invest 1/2 his paycheck when he was working for college. He's just a know it all pain in the neck
Not what you said in OP

I do empathise ..he's a teen / young man and an entitled one

But you are the place he always has to retreat to
post 1537025891 12-09-2017, 03:53 PM
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Whether or not the issues that exist today are a result of parenting or other influences is not really important. What is important is how you move on from this point.

You have to make a decision. You can't live another person's life for them. I'd love to force my 70 year old father to retire. The man still has a head full of hair and going strong with yet ANOTHER business he started a few years ago. I'd love to force my 27 year old younger brother, who still lives at home, to take responsibility for his life and grow into the man I know he can be.

But I can't do that because I can only be responsible for my own life. Calm your ass down and wait for him to get in touch. When he does tell him you love him and that you can support him if he wants to make the better decisions in life, but that you're unwilling to support his self-destructive behavior. There are no easy answers when it comes to family, the best you can do is adjust your behavior and expectations so that you don't push too far or too little. At age 48 you should already know that you can never control the outcome of another human being's life, only do your best and hope that they will make the right decisions.

Good luck brother, wish you the best of luck.
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post 1537026001 12-09-2017, 03:55 PM
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just give him a good spanking
post 1537026011 12-09-2017, 03:55 PM
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You both sound like pricks. Must be a genetic thing.
post 1537026101 12-09-2017, 03:56 PM
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Originally Posted By AlBHappy⏩
Been a rocky year with a senior in high school. Skips class, been suspended, late for school, lousy grades. Completely being self destructive. Smoking , God knows what else. Verbally abusive.

Watched him walk off into the snow. After his mother told him there was no swearing in this house, he told her she was phuking pissin' him off and he hated living here.

Why? Because we told him his girlfriend couldn't come over until after he did some college applications and laundry were done. Kid isn't ready for the future, can't see 30 minutes in front of himself. Tried to have a conversation with him, he started yelling. I asked him to leave and if he didn't I was going to have the police do it.

I regretted it, and wanted to take it back, but he stormed out. Shut his phone service off. Want to be an entitled 18 year old? Ok, be an adult.

Feel terrible, blood pressure skyrocketing, but he's caused all the toxicity in the house. Not willing to fix his chit. Parental guilt. Any sage advice appreciated. Just wanted to get it off my chest.
Could be more than one kind of situation. People hate to hear it but sometimes kids can just be *******s no matter how good their parents are - for all we know OP tried extremely hard to set a good example for his son and teach him how to be a man, and his son just kept throwing it back in his face. Otoh OP could have been a neglectful parent who never took the time to bond with his son and guide him through the journey to manhood. Being that we know next to nothing it's hard to give an intelligent comment on the situation, but I would venture to suggest to you, OP, that if you've tried and tried with your kid and gotten nowhere then this is probably what he needs, even though he's likely to be very resentful initially (and perhaps forever - we can't always see the good that pain does us). It's basically either sink or swim at this point, and whilst I have some second hand knowledge of a situation like this (I was getting railed by a guy in your situation when I was your son's age) I can't claim to fully understand just how difficult it must be to know that sinking is a possibility that you have to accept. We like to think we're in control of our lives, and I assume that how our children turn out is up to us, but neither of those is really true. All that we can do is make the most of it and ensure that we do our best to do the right thing.
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post 1537026121 12-09-2017, 03:56 PM
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Originally Posted By AlBHappy⏩
There lies the rub. He likes playing the victim. He goes to therapy, he sees the school psychologist to help with his "disbilities" that just arose the last year. It's always everyone else's fault.

The problem is he never got the chit kicked out of him. Walked off his job, and then was furious when I wouldn't give him money or let him drive the car because he wouldn't pay for gas. He just wants to procrastinate and avoid any part of his future.

I've mentioned him seeing a military recruiter, because he's going to be in college one semester and fail. Waste of money
You didn't answer my questions.

And a military recruiter will find your son after he takes his ASVAB (he'll take it at school), so don't put the cart before the horse.

Edit* Maybe therapy is doing more harm than good?
post 1537026241 12-09-2017, 03:58 PM
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Originally Posted By AlBHappy⏩
Been a rocky year with a senior in high school. Skips class, been suspended, late for school, lousy grades. Completely being self destructive. Smoking , God knows what else. Verbally abusive.

Watched him walk off into the snow. After his mother told him there was no swearing in this house, he told her she was phuking pissin' him off and he hated living here.

Why? Because we told him his girlfriend couldn't come over until after he did some college applications and laundry were done. Kid isn't ready for the future, can't see 30 minutes in front of himself. Tried to have a conversation with him, he started yelling. I asked him to leave and if he didn't I was going to have the police do it.

I regretted it, and wanted to take it back, but he stormed out. Shut his phone service off. Want to be an entitled 18 year old? Ok, be an adult.

Feel terrible, blood pressure skyrocketing, but he's caused all the toxicity in the house. Not willing to fix his chit. Parental guilt. Any sage advice appreciated. Just wanted to get it off my chest.
That's horrible to read...

Happened to me once before...I was 17
post 1537026291 12-09-2017, 03:58 PM
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I think the Air Force would be great for him. Learn a trade, take some college credits, learn some structure. Come out a veteran and finish college with a GI bill.

He thinks the house is a hotel, and was kicking pennies under his bed instead of picking them up. I've tried to teach him structure in school and he's unwilling to try.

He always feels the need to put his hand on the stove. You can tell him it's hot, he has to see for himself. He'll be in for a big surprise next September when his girlfriend, who is good for him, is blowing some fraternity brother and he's at home watcihing the Best of August Ames on xhamster
post 1537026411 12-09-2017, 04:00 PM
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Originally Posted By albhappy⏩
i think the air force would be great for him. Learn a trade, take some college credits, learn some structure. Come out a veteran and finish college with a gi bill.

He thinks the house is a hotel, and was kicking pennies under his bed instead of picking them up. I've tried to teach him structure in school and he's unwilling to try.

He always feels the need to put his hand on the stove. You can tell him it's hot, he has to see for himself. He'll be in for a big surprise next september when his girlfriend, who is good for him, is blowing some fraternity brother and he's at home watcihing the best of august ames on xhamster
rip aa. :'(
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post 1537026431 12-09-2017, 04:00 PM
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I'm not saying you're a bad parent but guess you gotta learn from your mistakes.
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post 1537026511 12-09-2017, 04:00 PM
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Originally Posted By AlBHappy⏩
I think the Air Force would be great for him. Learn a trade, take some college credits, learn some structure. Come out a veteran and finish college with a GI bill.

He thinks the house is a hotel, and was kicking pennies under his bed instead of picking them up. I've tried to teach him structure in school and he's unwilling to try.

He always feels the need to put his hand on the stove. You can tell him it's hot, he has to see for himself. He'll be in for a big surprise next September when his girlfriend, who is good for him, is blowing some fraternity brother and he's at home watcihing the Best of August Ames on xhamster
Strong roll bread of the year candidate
post 1537026521 12-09-2017, 04:01 PM
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Originally Posted By AlBHappy⏩
I think the Air Force would be great for him. Learn a trade, take some college credits, learn some structure. Come out a veteran and finish college with a GI bill.

He thinks the house is a hotel, and was kicking pennies under his bed instead of picking them up. I've tried to teach him structure in school and he's unwilling to try.

He always feels the need to put his hand on the stove. You can tell him it's hot, he has to see for himself. He'll be in for a big surprise next September when his girlfriend, who is good for him, is blowing some fraternity brother and he's at home watcihing the Best of August Ames on xhamster
sorry sir but you sound like an a hole dad to me...
post 1537026601 12-09-2017, 04:02 PM
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Entitled kid seems to be the result of an entitled parent. Maybe your kid doesn’t take responsibility for his actions just like you won’t take responsibility for how he turned out. Like father like son.

“He’s just an entitled kid”

“He needs the chit kicked out of him”

Do you even remember what it was like to create that child with your wife and raise him to the man he is now.
post 1537026751 12-09-2017, 04:04 PM
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Originally Posted By SrsnotSrs1⏩
He'll be back once he gets cold lol
I can't believe it but I agree with this guy.

If you don't follow the rules of my house, don't let the door hit you on the way out.

He will start missing his xbox and comfy room and homemade meals, and will soon realize his parents are not that horrible and it's actually pretty hard to live on your own at 18.

Please don't spoil him. The world is not going to put up with his chit and you're not helping by enabling his bad behavior. If he's crazy, put him in a psych ward. If his just a spoiled brat, take away all the things he like until he starts respecting you. I wouldn't buy a phone to a kid who is not respecting me.
post 1537026891 12-09-2017, 04:06 PM
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a lot of rustled *******s ITT. Well played OP.
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post 1537026961 12-09-2017, 04:06 PM
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After the snow storm is over, you can start working on a new son, and treat this like a trial run
post 1537027111 12-09-2017, 04:08 PM
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Originally Posted By MesoPeaks⏩
sorry sir but you sound like an a hole dad to me...
No, that was just a little levity. They won't go to the same schools and probably be broken up like 99% of high school relationships by Thanksgiving.

What I meant to say was, he'll go crazy if he's home and that happens, and it will.

He needs to feel his own consequences, I need to understand he's not a 4 year old who skinned his knee.

I've never been a neglectful parent Kids are just different today. I've told him, I'm you biggest fan/supporter, I'm on your side. He's just stubborn.
post 1537027181 12-09-2017, 04:09 PM
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"no amount of care, licking, defending, will fix this"

post 1537027221 12-09-2017, 04:09 PM
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Originally Posted By CarsonX141⏩
No, your chitty parenting taught him that.
ITT - a 21 year old kid thinks he has even the slightest clue about parenting.


to OP - Yeah kick him out and tell him to figure it out, I was partially like your son. now I'm on my own living making good money with a even better relationship with family.
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post 1537027391 12-09-2017, 04:11 PM
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Originally Posted By KoCorl⏩
ITT - a 21 year old kid thinks he has even the slightest clue about parenting.


to OP - Yeah kick him out and tell him to figure it out, I was partially like your son. now I'm on my own living making good money with a even better relationship with family.
Age: 23

like you know more? lmao

Lets not forget we are getting one side of the story from the do-good father. My bet, like everything, is that when people tell their version its skewed to make them look more favorable.

In real life both OP and his spoiled son are probably both half autistic lunatics that cant communicate right...
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post 1537027441 12-09-2017, 04:12 PM
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Originally Posted By Duckliver⏩
Entitled kid seems to be the result of an entitled parent. Maybe your kid doesn’t take responsibility for his actions just like you won’t take responsibility for how he turned out. Like father like son.

“He’s just an entitled kid”

“He needs the chit kicked out of him”

Do you even remember what it was like to create that child with your wife and raise him to the man he is now.
I disagree 100% with you. I'm impatient and yell too much, I'm not perfect, nor am I entitled. I ask my kids to 1. Try their best, 2. Be respectful and 3. Be good kids. The Great Santini, I'm not.
post 1537027561 12-09-2017, 04:13 PM
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Originally Posted By FlexLex⏩
Age: 23

like you know more? lmao
That was my reason dummy

I don't know chit, and thats not why I'm acting like I'm a superstar parent at age 21. You will never know the challenged unless you have to do it for yourself.
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post 1537027591 12-09-2017, 04:14 PM
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Originally Posted By AlBHappy⏩
No, that was just a little levity. They won't go to the same schools and probably be broken up like 99% of high school relationships by Thanksgiving.

What I meant to say was, he'll go crazy if he's home and that happens, and it will.

He needs to feel his own consequences, I need to understand he's not a 4 year old who skinned his knee.

I've never been a neglectful parent Kids are just different today. I've told him, I'm you biggest fan/supporter, I'm on your side. He's just stubborn.
Maybe he needed your emotional and moral support from you particularly and you were unable to give it to him. Sometimes kids just love some tender loving care, you know...If the kid usually has this kind of behavior, it means, he needs someone to be on his side and not against his side...Basically what you pretty much did was to act like an emperor in our house and didn't even understand his situation....
post 1537027661 12-09-2017, 04:14 PM
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The kid is acting out and he is actually craving some sort of structure whether he knows it or not. If he is left on his own, things are going to be difficult for him unless he happens to fall in with good people. I don't see that happening. He will likely fall in with other kids from similar situations. They will party, possibly get into more trouble than they have already, and you'll continue to wonder what went wrong when he's calling you to bail him out of jail. 18 is an adult, but kids that age are just that, kids. He is probably driving a wedge between you and your wife, but he needs a strong dependable parent who will guide him into a positive future.

I think most kids who are rebellious think that they are invincible. The harsh realities don't come until later, when people are most reactionary to their consequences rather than having the foresight to make changes before they do happen.

Best of luck. Go get your kid.
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