"Social skills" are about the ability to understand and manipulate the emotions of others.

How quickly can you profile a sloot/new boss/acquaintance and figure out the type of person they enjoy most? Now take it a step further - can you sell yourself as that person in a given situation by leading the interaction? The people I've met with the best social skills are the ones who can glide seamlessly between groups, donning a different nuanced mask for each scenario as needed.

As someone lacking social skills, I'm sure you're going to say, "but that's so fake!" Yeah well, welcome to reality.

You're too busy trying to cope when faced with the reality around you to see that my post was helpful. People like you who write "I can out converse anyone" or Roxy "I'm one of the youngest and most attractive women around" don't realize that such comments reek of insecurity.

Worse, it'll be an inherent part of your approach. That you think so highly of yourself is likely perceived by those people around you who simply dont rate you as highly as you rate yourself. So I'm suggesting you do some serious introspection rather than consistently blaming the entire world around you for not living up to your delusions of grandeur and fame.

Ok fine. You win. It was obviously hyperbole. I have not given a way of ranking conversation skills. I could just define my ranking of conversation skills as "talking like wincel." Then, I am unambiguously the best person at conversing on the planet since I am wincel. That's the great thing about social science. No definitions = I don't have to deal with your semantics. OK. Are we done? Can we move on?

Thanks.

Now define social skills or at least give some examples that show me it isn't what I suspect it to be.

And what delusions of grandeur or fame? I have NEVER desired either of these things in my life. The only things I really desire are love and knowledge. I would rather not be famous, and I am not the type to become famous.

Right but that's what I mean. Some of the most antisocial people have "good social skills." It all comes down to emotional manipulation then.

Right. But then this is mostly fake emotional manipulation, and you are just basically being a useful source of pleasure for the person. Also, if you're not desirable and you constantly say things in efforts to try to make people feel better, you will be labeled a "suck up" and a "nice guy."

Yes, if you want to get laid, you better figure out how to seduce her. Pro tip: don't talk about daggers.

Lol wrong. I have a friend (not really personal friend, more because of mutual ones) whos like that. I bet he thinks hes a great social interactor. But everything seems forced and superficial, like its a chore to talk to him. And he tells everything thats on his mind and has very low inhibition when it comes to conflicts and awkward situations, which a lot of miscers would think is alpha but its just weird and annoying listening him call out others for miniscule stuff that mean nothing


Social skills are soft skills, being more aware of how you're perceived etc. Some people have it more than others, like I know legitimate retards (special needs type with born brain damage) that despite their lack of mental capabilities I'd say have decent social skills and are liked among people


A lot of it has to do with where you're liked, like some people can have 'good social skills' in certain environments/situations while bad at others. How to Win and Influence People and The Charisma Myth can be good starters if you want to read more about it although real interactions are the best

I just feel like it is all so fake. And I fail to see how that is a skill. Anyone who doesn't have a communication impediment or mental retardation can pull that off. Actually, many retards are probably better at that sort of thing. And my point is that if you are sufficiently ugly, people won't find ANYTHING you say interesting. They will just want to exit the conversation and get away from you. I don't think I am at that level, but there are people out there who are, and for them, there is little they can do to project "good social skills". When you are ugly enough, you are guaranteed to have "bad social skills" simply by virtue of the fact that nobody will find what you are saying interesting because they want to get away from you.Unless she's into that sort of thing, eh? lulz

I agree with you on that. I think I have good conversation skills in the classroom or in casual settings...perhaps bad skills in intimate settings? Perhaps that is because I am useful in the classroom, but useless in intimate settings due to my lack of attractiveness? Sort of fits what I was saying...

So far, most of this thread is consistent with my idea that social skills once you have basic abilities to communicate pretty much amount to just being useful to someone...

good social skills at work/school = being useful and helpful to others (able to explain concepts, work with team to solve problems, contribute...)
good social skills with strangers or at parties etc = being useful at making feel better about themselves via a kind of emotional manipulation and fake projection of happiness
good social skills on dates = being useful for romantic connection by being attractive and demonstrating stability as a potential mate

Seems to me it just comes down to people being useful to each other or not. If you're useful, people want to talk to you. If not, they don't. Makes sense. But then, an ugly, incompetent individual can't really work on his "social skills" without enhancing his competence...

Then talk less and listen more. If you're ugly, it's always going to be difficult, but social skills still go a long way. Carve out a persona that paints you as quietly intelligent and a good listener who takes interest in others. That is a quality that Chad won't bother to cultivate.

I guess then you become useful to people as an outlet for venting lol. You're right. That would enhance "social skills" if my interpretation of them is correct.

Thanks for your previous post. As to your ask, let's start here:A basic requirement of someone with social skills is the ability to genuinely pull this off with anyone. An example would be, someone who can have a quick laugh with the garbage collector, then treat the fast food take out person with respect, then pull off a winning sales pitch in a board room, and have a drink in the local bar on the way home, all the while forming at least basic connections with the people around him/her when relevant.

When you ask for a unifying definition of what 'social skills' are - it's a vague predicate. I meet some very shady people at my gym, and they talk about X and Y (I can't mention them here on this board). To me, social skills mean that I don't confront the shady people there and then. It means that I say "Alright, interesting" and then see if the shady behavior will eventually constitute a formal report of some kind. Why? Well, because other people are in the gym; I don't want to create a scene; I don't want to escalate the situation; and therefore I should involve the appropriate persons in a case like this.

Social skills are a catch-all phrase referring to a wide skill set that means you can handle various social situations (everything from meeting a President to digging a ditch) with relative ease. This includes conflict resolution capabilities, charm, empathy, etc. This is an indicative not an exhaustive list.

This is why I reacted badly to your hyperbole - anyone reading this who hangs out in 'elite' social circles knows that it's one of the worst things you can portray - that somehowyouare so blessed because you're the only one evarrrr who skipped grades, was in a gifted program, went to an ivy league school on a scholarship, networked with private clubs that open lots of doors. So what? The real thing anyone should learn in that kind of situation is self deprecation. A bit of modesty. That, coupled with the ability to read your counterparts and then apply your skills appropriately, is what 'social skills' really refer to.

I can't really draft an exhaustive list for you. As to your point that this is 'fake' - it's only fake where your interest is not genuine. And if your interest is not genuine then...why continue interacting with these people? Shut them out and hang out with people you're genuinely interested in.

30 year old virgin lmfaooooooooo.

I do all those things though, and most people do all these things everyday, and well. I mean, the vast majority of people shoot the chit with the bartender or can be kind to service people or give a presentation at work. I bet you most incels and rejects can do all of these things quite acceptably. If this is the definition of social skills, then almost everyone who isn't extremely autistic (even people on the spectrum can do many of the things you mentioned very well) or actually lacking the ability to communicate can pull this off.

BTW for the record: didn't go to an ivy. IDK what elite circles you are talking about, but I know some ivy kids and very successful people, and if you think I'm full of myself, just fuking lol you should see them. I am well aware there are people way better than me at chit. I study math, and in math, you should see the kind of geniuses that emerge in that field. We are talking about people who mastered calculus at the age of 8. Just fukking lol. You very quickly learn you are just a small fish. I am fuking plankton. My sentence was hyperbole, and you are reading way too much into it. Replace it with that I am very confident in my conversational skills.lol

Perhaps you do, but you are far more generous regarding the general population than I am. I see loads of socially inept people in my day to day business. There is the possibility to grade skills too, and there's subjectivity in here as well. Some people you speak to really only care about your ability to listen to them; others want you to carry a conversation. Others will be enraged if anything you speak about implies your belief in yourself - there are loads of insecure people out there who are set off by comments pretty easily.

I'm not sure why you're so confident in your assessment that pretty much everyone has great social skills unless they are spastics. I mean, honestly: no.

IDK aside from obviously mentally ill people, I practically never encounter anyone with "poor social skills" in the way that you have defined them.u mean like u? lol

I would think of 'good social skills" as an ability to empathize. Being viewing the world through someone else' point of view and understanding how they see the world.

Seems to me, by reading your posts that you don't really have the ability to empathize with others. From what I'm reading you seem to definitely be able to sympathize with others, that is, able to share and recognized someone else' feelings. However, with empathy you take the perspective of another person and recognize it as their truth.

I used to have a lot more empathy. It has rapidly degraded due to my failure to integrate with society.

That's a really good question, and more complicated than what I thought the answer would be. I think ultimately it comes down to, how can you make the other person 'feel good' by interacting with you? My Mom always says, "People won't remember what you said or what you did as much as they will remember how you made them feel." Having empathy is a big part of this. Feigned empathy is fine, too. Fake it 'til you make it.

As I get older and meet more people, I realize that small talk gets some stuff done. I learned this a few years back when I was in a role doing investigative and interrogation work with the most personable lawyers and former employees you could imagine. My team and the poor employee I was about to annihilate would all be sitting in a lobby, waiting for a our transcriptionist to set up, and we are talking about the most pleasant things. Their new job, their family, that they simplymusttry Luke's Lobster down the block when we wrap up. Some might argue that this is manipulative, but what do you want, us all to sit in silence while waiting for a room to open up? No.

It gives you at least the beginning of a common frame of reference. "Nice wolf shirt" is small talk JUST AS MUCH as "where do you get your nails done" is small talk. People do not have to have all of the same tastes and interests as you for you to talk to them for 10 minutes of time, and I hope the dude who asked me "Do you game?" at a party years ago and then turned on his heel and walked away from me when I said "not really" has figured that out by now. Personally I would prefer "Hey, where do you eat around here?" to "Hey, can you tell me how you voted in the last four elections?"/"What’s your relationship with your family like?" or another equally inappropriate or theoretically Deep Important Big Talk would be from someone I just met. People are mostly not trying to quiz you on all your life choices, they are just trying to find some common ground or a frame of reference with you. See if you can do the same, and ask some questions of your own.

Right so basically being useful to people to make them feel better. I do these things though. I am aware of what is considered acceptable public discourse and not. I suspect there may be arenas of competence as the guy described. Someone can have good social skills in one setting and bad social skills in another. Unfortunately, in the setting of intimacy and dating, it boils down to not being ugly aka being useful to the opposite sex for mating. This all fits nicely into my idea that we are all just biological machines that use each other. Social skills is just a euphemism for how useful you are in a given situation. After all, society is just the collective team of humans working toward the goal of making survival and reproduction for them on average (unfortunately, some of us slip through the cracks).

It just disgusts me how fake it all is. I'm the type that would rather not talk about the lobster down the street, but we have to because of some bullchit norms. I'd rather just say nothing. Maybe it's because those other people aren't useful to me at all, and that's why it's me trying to exit those conversations? IDK I still do the small talk game sometimes, but I do not like it. Maybe people can pick up on that? IDK

You yourself recognized that it was hyperbole. I'm all for accurate representations of capabilities, but there's so much cope on this forum (did you see that thread where some Europeans were arguing that colleges in the USA are trash, comparing say Princeton to London? Just LMAO) that it takes truth seekers like me to separate fact from fiction.

I think you're last sentence is self-defeating and inaccurate, but that's for another day.

But you're right about different situations making people freeze up. I could probably make besties rotting a night away in county lockup, but I remember one time I was having drinks with a good friend and another guy I'd never met before, and it was like my brain melted down, for no reason whatsoever. The entire night was awkward and weird and I'm still cringing thinking about it. It just happens. Move on. And also remember, the onus does not lie solely with you to carry the conversation.Yeah, but that fakeness is on you. If you begin to view people as interesting, lovely people you don't want to use, but rather simply learn more about them, it stops being fake.

OP just write a book or something, you're too smart for misc

It is about the ability to manipulate people. And meet people to talk about any topic, do not be shy, accept to go everywhere and, of course, do not have complaints.

That's a good point. Conversations require multiple people, and each party has to find the others useful. If one party straight up does not want to participate, the conversation with them is over.IDK UK has some pretty excellent education programs...I certainly wouldn't call the USA's "trash" though. But fair enough.What's funny is these traits are most easily seen in psychopathic people, who are the most ANTISOCIAL of all. LOLz at the misnomer of "social skills".

More about manipulating emotions. A 3rd grader can have 'social skills'.

Well, tbh tho, the only time I want to learn more about people is if I want to use them. (Not necessarily in a bad way, but I want to "use" them for their friendship, for example, or "use" them for a relationship, or "use" them for their knowledge, or something, but at the end of the day it still boils down to using them...)

I guess it really boils down to being useful...being the kind of person people want to be around, be it for looks, knowledge, positivity, etc...but the problem is that if it is too fake, people will eventually pick up on it. So, it has to be natural, and boils down to having the right combination of genetics and life experiences at the end of the day to make you naturally that way.

Feelsbad.

They are fake skills that ppl use to get by in life. You can't be social without being fake I dont care what anyone on this forum says. Most of what ppl say around anyone besides their best friends is a bunch of cope.

I personally am a loner because I got tired of the fakeness

Agree. All anyone my age talks about is politics and sports. Or Frank's old cars and patsy's garden. I miss being 22 and hearing interesting stories. Inb4 eod is just a social retard that doesn't get out much. No this is what most ppls lives are like when you get older. And almost every time anyone talks they are just putting on an act to keep the conversation going. It's at least 50% fake and cringey