My GF father passed away this morning. I need SRS advice.

11-14-2018, 07:34 PM

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#31

MiscInformed
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Originally Posted By billclintonnn⏩

I understand it's a minefield bringing it up hence why I don't plan on doing it. However according to her grandmother he wanted to get better about six hours prior to passing away. IMO you have to call an ace an ace and a spade a spade. Humans tend to want something when it's already too late. He would get extremely pissed if someone talked about his drinking to him or he would totally shut the conversation out. He did have control over it he just didn't want to do anything about it until it was too late. All just my opinion.

Read up on it. Some of them need it to function. When you get to that point, the last thing you want is people telling you that you're killing yourself. I had an acquaintance on social media who would tell stories alluding to her drinking. She was a functioning alcoholic and she knew it and she knew she couldn't do anything about it. She needed to drink a case of beer a day just to fight off the withdrawal effects of not drinking. She knew people meant well but she also knew she couldn't change, so she talked about how she hid her drinking from others so they didn't see how much she actually needed to drink per day.

Seems like a pretty sad way to spend your final years. Anyway, if she's the woman you end up with, you might even kick yourself for not going years from now.

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11-14-2018, 07:35 PM

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#32

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Originally Posted By billclintonnn⏩

I actually did ask her if she wanted me to go and she said I have school and stuff so it's fine. Which I get is a cue to go. Just as others have stated I don't want to put my future in jeopardy. Which I understand whatever decision I make has consequences.

Because my father made my mom leave her father to go home in order to spend "family" time and then my moms father passed away when she wasn't there. She told me she still remembers that to this day. But IMO I didn't do that.

While it's a screw job to go, why can't you just miss one day, fly out there, make your presence known - show that you were willing to burn a day of school/work/flying/money to "support" her and then come right back?

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11-14-2018, 07:37 PM

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#33

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Depends how serious this relationship is, from a spouse/future spouse point of view, unforgivable.

11-14-2018, 07:37 PM

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#34

MiscInformed
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Originally Posted By billclintonnn⏩

I actually did ask her if she wanted me to go and she said I have school and stuff so it's fine. Which I get is a cue to go. Just as others have stated I don't want to put my future in jeopardy. Which I understand whatever decision I make has consequences.

Because my father made my mom leave her father to go home in order to spend "family" time and then my moms father passed away when she wasn't there. She told me she still remembers that to this day. But IMO I didn't do that.

If you're trying to justify NOT going, then it seems to me that you already know in your gut you probably should make the effort to go...

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11-14-2018, 07:38 PM

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#35

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Originally Posted By MiscInformed⏩

If you're trying to justify NOT going, then it seems to me that you already know in your gut you probably should make the effort to go...

Yep

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11-14-2018, 07:41 PM

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#36

MarinoMike
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I’m really sorry you are having to go through with this. But, if she’s worth it, then absolutely sacrifice anything and everything short term to be there for her. Trust me, school isn’t going anywhere, and you’ll have PLENTY more opportunities with the guard.

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11-14-2018, 07:43 PM

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#37

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Originally Posted By billclintonnn⏩

Yeah I totally understand and I definitely have to think about this. Everyone is different. As stated before if there is going to be a funeral service I'm going to attend. This is more of me being there and saying I'm sorry for what happened. I understand the risks of both sides, but IMO it's scenario based. This chit literally happened out of no where. He wanted to go to the hospital and then five days later passed away.

you don't want her to be emotionally ****ed up and have cousin chad swoop in with the kind shoulder to "cry" on

11-14-2018, 07:43 PM

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#38

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Originally Posted By MiscInformed⏩

If you're trying to justify NOT going, then it seems to me that you already know in your gut you probably should make the effort to go...

the excuses are silly and selfish too.

"I don't want to fall behind, sacrifice my future"

If you can't be there for friends/family/partner, what the hell good are you for?

11-14-2018, 07:46 PM

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#39

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did hillary find out about any of this?

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11-14-2018, 07:49 PM

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#40

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Originally Posted By wickedman⏩

While it's a screw job to go, why can't you just miss one day, fly out there, make your presence known - show that you were willing to burn a day of school/work/flying/money to "support" her and then come right back?

Realistically the only day I could would be Saturday afternoon to leave Sunday. She is scheduled to come back Monday as well as she has school Tuesday (we go to the same school).

Originally Posted By MiscInformed⏩

If you're trying to justify NOT going, then it seems to me that you already know in your gut you probably should make the effort to go...

I'm not trying to justify not going as I already made my decision. I wanted to see if my decision was a selfish one or not as it was something I have thought about.

Originally Posted By Frank

the excuses are silly and selfish too.

"I don't want to fall behind, sacrifice my future"

If you can't be there for friends/family/partner, what the hell good are you for?

I was there for her. Multiple times for things that her own family weren't there for her. The days leading up to his death I spent every second with her comforting her on it and stayed awake to the seconds leading up to his death. Multiple times she said I should just go to sleep and I told her no I'm her BF and I'm supporting her on this. Originally this was for her to go there to spend time with her father. He was actually recovering and then had a freak accident so it shifted to her going to be with her family for a few days.

I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky. I never told anybody to lie, not a single time; never. These allegations are false. And I need to go back to work for the American people. Thank you.

11-14-2018, 07:50 PM

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#41

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I tend to agree w/others who've said if it's as serious serious relationship then go but if less than that then dont. also, she'll remember this all & whether you were there or not when she thinks back on it or looks at what kind of person you are in the future. right or wrong. she will.

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11-14-2018, 07:50 PM

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#42

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Originally Posted By Ratfish⏩

did hillary find out about any of this?

There’s a time and place, this is neither.

OP, as others have said, you need to focus on you because she’s just a GF. Maybe you’ll get married and have kids one day, but that day isn’t today. What happens if you go to be with her and it hurts you with your job and schooling? What if you break up a year from now? You’ll regret it.

However, you’ll never regret doing what’s best for your future. You made the right choice.

11-14-2018, 07:57 PM

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#43

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Originally Posted By Devils⏩

you don't want her to be emotionally ****ed up and have cousin chad swoop in with the kind shoulder to "cry" on

They live on a 43 acre farm in the middle of no where so I'm not concerned about that. I'm concerned about that at all either. I understand what women are capable of though.

I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky. I never told anybody to lie, not a single time; never. These allegations are false. And I need to go back to work for the American people. Thank you.

11-14-2018, 08:02 PM

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#44

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Originally Posted By billclintonnn⏩

I'm not trying to justify not going as I already made my decision. I wanted to see if my decision was a selfish one or not as it was something I have thought about.

in a word, yes. But I would have probably done the same when I was your age and in your shoes.

It's likely something that you will regret in the future.

11-14-2018, 08:04 PM

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#45

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She told you that she understands why you didn't go so you're off the hook on that one so no need to feel guilty. You've already got commitments/responsibilities that you have to handle already and it's not like she'll be alone there since she's got her family who could comfort her and to her for them as well.

Just video phone chat with her while she's there.

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11-14-2018, 08:05 PM

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#46

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You did the right thing OP

Just make sure to offer your support for her from a distance during this tough time

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11-14-2018, 08:07 PM

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#47

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11-14-2018, 08:07 PM

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#48

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11-14-2018, 08:15 PM

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#49

billclintonnn
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Originally Posted By Legz422⏩

That's way different than having to miss important school and work stuff.

OP, Can you compromise and just go for the funeral?

Didn't see this until now. I have stated to her if they actually had a service or funeral I would cancel attending Italy to attend it. I believe missing that is fukked up. I want her to be with her family. My mother and myself were the ones who heavily encouraged it because before she was going to wait until further down the road.

I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky. I never told anybody to lie, not a single time; never. These allegations are false. And I need to go back to work for the American people. Thank you.

11-14-2018, 08:15 PM

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#50

Dota2Brah
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you are the man. she wants a leader. focusing on your classes is important to you, which in turn is important to her. dont be a ******* and drop everything just to go to alcoholic's funeral. the more you care about your girl, the less she will want you. that's just how women work. the more attached/dependent/responsive you are to a woman, the less she will like you over time.

11-14-2018, 08:18 PM

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#51

billclintonnn
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Originally Posted By Frank

in a word, yes. But I would have probably done the same when I was your age and in your shoes.

It's likely something that you will regret in the future.

I personally don't believe I will, but I can't predict how I will feel in the future. If I missed the service if there is one then yes it would bug me.

Originally Posted By 2thTEE82⏩

She told you that she understands why you didn't go so you're off the hook on that one so no need to feel guilty. You've already got commitments/responsibilities that you have to handle already and it's not like she'll be alone there since she's got her family who could comfort her and to her for them as well.

Just video phone chat with her while she's there.

Sort of what I was thinking. I get the impression people think I left her. I believe she should be with her family during this as stated before myself and my mother heavily encouraged it.

Originally Posted By SuperHercules⏩

You did the right thing OP

Just make sure to offer your support for her from a distance during this tough time

I will.

Originally Posted By dabbmw2002⏩

Let's simply this.....is she the girl of your dreams? If yes, go. If not, dont.

Yes she is with some flaws, but who doesn't?

I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky. I never told anybody to lie, not a single time; never. These allegations are false. And I need to go back to work for the American people. Thank you.

11-14-2018, 08:36 PM

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#52

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Your reasons for not being there sound like excuses, to be honest. Maybe you should ask yourself why you are making excuses to not be there instead of coming to the misc for validation for your actions.

11-14-2018, 08:39 PM

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#53

billclintonnn
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Originally Posted By iceypain⏩

Your reasons for not being there sound like excuses, to be honest. Maybe you should ask yourself why you are making excuses to not be there instead of coming to the misc for validation for your actions.

I’m not making negative excuses I’m saying what reality is. If I didn’t have work or school I’d be there. Work isn’t really an issue, but I’m going to be missing two weeks of class and I don’t want to miss anymore since my instructor is giving me the last two weeks off. Work isn’t really an issue.

I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky. I never told anybody to lie, not a single time; never. These allegations are false. And I need to go back to work for the American people. Thank you.

11-14-2018, 08:43 PM

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#54

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Originally Posted By billclintonnn⏩

Didn't see this until now. I have stated to her if they actually had a service or funeral I would cancel attending Italy to attend it. I believe missing that is fukked up. I want her to be with her family. My mother and myself were the ones who heavily encouraged it because before she was going to wait until further down the road.

oh didn't realize there might not be a service. All good man.

11-14-2018, 08:47 PM

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#55

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You should have been there OP - to open casket anal rape him to assert that you are the new daddy in charge. Everyone in the family needed to know who the new boss in town is. You blew that opportunity.

Putting that aside and respecting the SRS tag for a second, the fact that you didn’t feel compelled to be there after 1.3 years says a lot. It means you weren’t supposed to be there and you shouldn’t be there.

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11-14-2018, 08:53 PM

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#56

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To add:

1.3 years is a long time

11-14-2018, 08:54 PM

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#57

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Originally Posted By gamehendge⏩

Give her the support she needs when she gets home. She's with her family right now.

This.

edit: if there is a funeral and wake you should flight out for the day or two. There's no real excuse around that. But expecting you to remain for an extended amount of time longer than a couple of days would be unrealistic and selfish of your gf/her family

11-14-2018, 09:07 PM

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#58

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If you see a future with this girl, and she is saying she wishes she had your support, you should be there. You "can't" because of missing 3 days of work and school? Bro those 3 days are a blip on the radar in the big picture, it's not going to ruin your career or your education by taking 3 days; she lost her dad- for the rest of her life. If you don't see a future, or you don't care, then all good... don't even try.

Also, being there for the gf doesn't mean you approve of what he's done or the life he's lived... he did that to himself, but she didn't choose to lose her dad either.

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11-14-2018, 09:11 PM

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#59

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Ask yourself this OP..

• What if you went and it f*cked your job and you become unemployed?

• What if you went and it caused serious academic harm or even worse, got you on probation and a black mark on your record?

Her old man off'ed himself gradually with a substance... that's on him. You can't drop your entire life because of his stupid *ss. I understand you want to be there for your girl... but she expects you to drop everything so you can be convenient for her? Sorry brah, tell her you will be right here waiting for her and will support and comfort her to the best of your abilities when she returns.

This is one of those moments where adulthood is tough. Yea, you want to help her... but you also don't want to f*ck yourself financially (employment) and academically (your entire future). If she holds anything against you for this? Dump her.

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