(A few days ago, a miscer wrote a thread discussing his feelings of being “lost” now that he was out of school, that making new friends was difficult, and was concerned that his best days were behind him. It struck a chord with me as I had similar experiences when I was his age (am now 36 – inb4 “mouse pointer to Over 35 Misc” gif). I shared my perspective and was asked in pms/reps/posts to put all of this in a separate thread. I just got home from work and it’s raining torrentially outside, so my beach volleyball game is cancelled and I have a few hours before my Friday night tinder date. So I crafted this thread for any other miscers at home surfing the web on their weekend nights. Some of this is a direct copy pasta, so it may reference an OP, or replies/quotes or whatnot.)

Here's the good news OP: What you're going through is very normal and near- universal at your age. From birth to college graduation you had an established path set up for you by society - get up, play with whatever toys the parents put in front of you, get up and go to First Grade, get up another day and go to Third Grade, get up for the expected 9th grade, 10th grade, freshman year, eventually get up and go to senior year of college. So for your whole life you existed in a clearly defined progressive pathway.

And now that you're out of school and not living under your parents' roof? The entire structure just evaporates.

I understand that that can be both terrifying and liberating at the same time. Again, virtually everyone in their mid-20s hits this realization of uncertainty for the future and concern about un-realized potential lost in the past. Hence the "lost" sensation that you're experiencing. So if anything, you should feel comforted knowing that nearly everyone gets this feeling around the same time you do.

Similarly, society is currently experiencing a “loneliness epidemic”. Joe Rogan talked about it on his podcast recently, as have the NYT and Psychology Today. I remember seeing a recent report saying that like 90% of men between 25 and 45 don’t have a “best friend”. When you walk by crowded bars and you see groups of bros hanging out laughing…that’s like 30 people in that bar. Meanwhile there’s 3000 guys that leave work and then spend the rest of their evening in isolation, usually playing video games or watching tv to distract themselves from their lack of connection with the outside world. So you’re not alone – not by a stretch. If anything you should feel comforted knowing there’s a huge percentage of people out there also looking for new friends. Hell, in the past year, the misc has been inundated with threads by guys complaining about being lonely. The epidemic is real, but it’s also treatable.




Okay, now for practical advice from someone who's been where you've been - or even in a worse spot.


Like I mentioned earlier, I’m 36. When I was in my 20s I was King of the FA's. I'd gone bald prematurely (by 21), I spent my 20s at an office filled with people in their 50s so I had no one to relate to, and I had no social life to speak of. I was practically a shut-in when I was outside of work. And I mean that - I would go weeks without talking to anyone if it wasn't through work. It wasn't always like that though - I had plenty of friends in college, but we naturally drifted away post-graduation (another universal experience). Needless to say, I saw the past as this wonderful period where I was full of potential, while the future looked like a desolate nightmare of routine work and loneliness. I recall one night when I was 28 or 29, getting drunk alone and actually screaming in my apartment that I hated my life. I think I screamed "I hate my life!" for I dunno....two hours straight.






That was my “low point”. I was in my late 20s and one hundred percent hated where I was at in life. But in that evening of despair, anger, sadness and rage, I began to feel something else.


Determination.

I was determined to turn my life completely around.

Needless to say, I saw the past as this wonderful period where I was full of potential, while the future looked like a desolate nightmare of routine work and loneliness. I recall one night when I was 28 or 29, getting drunk alone and actually screaming in my apartment that I hated my life. I think I screamed "I hate my life!" for I dunno....two hours straight.

This bit made me feel sad. Great job on turning it around OP!

This bit made me feel sad. Great job on turning it around OP!

You guys get lonely for friends? I can understand longing for a woman’s company but why would you be lonely for another *******s company...

Lurko do you read/answer PM's?

I found your lost really helpful. I didn't follow it exactly but I have found a slight social group by starting a trivia night on weekdays. It helped me familiarize myself with a group of people and move beyond surface level small talk since we hang out every week. Then when weekend comes around we can make plans together as well

bumping this for 2019, its funny how there's 20 FA threads complaining about everything but threads like this are never stickied or reach 10+ pages.


Good on you OP, inspirational that you took charge of your life and I hope other people reading this thread get inspired (dead srs).


would rep IRL/10

This is good solid advice. It's crazy, I remember reading the pick up chicks thread on here which is way longer but there weren't as many people complaining/FAs making fun of it and saying it won't help. Ah how the times have changed.