She will not put the baby up for regular adoption because there is no angle to play or benefit to be had. Roping you into raising the child allows her to constantly inject her poison into your house.

He did not indicate whether the kids were his biologically. He also didn't indicate whether he wanted more kids nor whether his wife could make more. I have no way of knowing whether he got a vasectomy or whether his wife is able to go through making more kids, medically speaking.

I'm mostly curious how any of that matters. Of all the things to ponder, I just...I don't get you, Jay. But you know that.

Lot of promises and guarantees you're making without being the one actually affected. Your assurances don't mean a whole lot when you're clearly uninformed of how adoption and "the system" actually works.how do you even survive being this retarded?

Sorry you are faced with such a dilemma. I don't know the answer. Both sides have solid reasons, i don't think i could figure it out. Clearly taking on the responsibility will bring some amount of hardship onto your existing family. That's not necessarily bad, your children will learn about love and sacrifice, etc. I would meditate or pray and hope to come to a conclusion that way.

I'm in a somewhat similar/somewhat different situation than you. My wife's niece is bipolar, homeless, addicted, and the rest of the codependencies that go with all that. She had a daughter and tried to raise her, but the father OD'd and eventually they ran out of places to stay after all of her friends limit of couch surfing ran out and the guy she was seeing beat her up and put her in the hospital. My wife and I took custody of the child so that DFS didn't have to step in. The girl was 7 (almost 8) at the time. She's been living with us for a little over a year (turned 9 last week) and is thriving in our home. We have kids who are 15 and 13. With the youngest (i.e. niece's daughter), she is actually much more appreciative than our kids of the little things she has in our house like a steady roof over her head, constant food supply, running water, a environment without fighting, caregivers who aren't drunk or stoned all the time, etc, and gives us LESS trouble than our kids, who are good kids but typical moody teenagers who grew up where everyone lives in a $500k house in a great school district and feel like they are entitled to whatever they want. So far, it's worked out great for us and she is thriving in our home, although given her mother's mental health issues (most recently diagnosed as schizophrenic), I do worry a lot that those same mental illnesses manifesting once she reaches puberty.

However, there are major differences with your situation:

1. We have always had a relationship with the girl's mother, and still stay in contact with her (and make sure the girl has a healthy relationship with her, too). She's currently in a recovery house after her most recent drug-related relapse and hospital stay.

2. It's sad in a lot of ways, but the fact that the girl has conscious first-hand experiences of the way life is for the less privileged has shaped her perspective of and appreciation for what she has now. Taking a child at birth won't have that, but of course, you don't want to say "you have to live with your crackhead whore mother for 7 years to gain an appreciation of what you have here when you come", either. That's just the way it worked out with us because the mother did (and still does) WANT to be the girl's mother and take care of her, she is just not capable of doing it (and at least she realizes it now, too).

Anyway, good luck. If I were in your situation, I think I would tell her to abort it, although if you don't, we have had success with at least a somewhat similar situation.

My wife's youngest "brother" is actually get cousin from almost that exact scenario. His mom was murdered in a drug deal after he was born a crack baby. He had lots of problems growing up and currently does drugs and gets into trouble.

His issue is that he can not think ahead of further consequences. He can think from point A to point B to point C, but can't skip from point A to point C. So he was constantly stealing and lying because he would see something he wanted (point A), then take it (point B), then only after stealing it would he realize he would get punished (point C) so he would lie and hide things. He couldn't make the connection that if he took the item, he would get in trouble afterwards.

Whatever you decide, good luck.

I appreciate this perspective thanks

Bless your heart for even thinking about this but this is a hard pass.

Steer clear.

I know shes yours sis Op, but this guys right. I know because I lived through a very similar situation, its best you stay away as much as your inner good human wants to adopt her kid. Doing so would open pandoras box for you srs, either way thats a mindfuk phone call bruh wow

Take the kid and give it up for adoption?

Maybe I have misread so please correct me if I am wrong... but you have a wife, yes? Yet all I have read here is what YOU want to do and how YOU feel about it. Surely these things would be discussed amongst all of the contributing adults/ in the household, rather than the misc? How old are your kids? What do they think?

What if your wife doesn't want a druggie around her kids? Or just another kid in the house in general? Are you going to force this kid on her? I would rather divorce my husband than be lumbered with a kid, especially a kid that wasn't mine and was a resource parasite from my own hypothetical kids.

Think carefully because this is a big decision. You could literally blow your family apart and end up seeing your own kids on a 50-50 split for the sake of some kid that wasn't even your problem to begin with.

Like it or not, your sister is an adult and is legally entitled to make her own decisions regarding her family, leave her to it and protect your own family from this chaos.

my wife will have a harder time walking away from this without getting involved than I will.

She sounds like a lovely woman... but please do not allow yourselves to be guilted into something that deep down, you don't want.

is this a a joke? Don't do it. Didn't read any responses to avoid any bias but don't do it *******

We adopted my sister at the age of 3. She has had every benefit possible given to her time and time again.

She is a hoarder, hates the world and her life.

At 37 years old, she has only worked part time at a telemarketer for 7 months, in her entire life.

Her bio relatives are totally useless too.


She was born a weed, all the love, sunshine, food and water in the world couldn't turn her into a flower.

Pics of sister?

I’m so sorry. This is a terrible situation. After her current pregnancy is resolved, whatever form that takes, may I suggest you encourage her to contact Project Prevention? It is a non-profit that will pay addicts $300 cash if they get long-term birth control (IUD) or tubal ligation. It obviously won’t help the current crisis but it would put a stop to her having any more drug exposed children.

If she was 2 inches taller she would be perfectly round.

Yeah, unfortunately, I don't know what this girl will be like at 37. As I said, my biggest worry is that her mother's mental illnesses will manifest themselves in her once she hits puberty (the mother was a pretty normal child, too, although in a much more chaotic home than ours). We felt like we need to at least give her a chance in life, though.

I'm in a similar though not as dire situation. I'll post about it when I'm home. As for the OP, the only way I would do it is if I could ensure the mother would take care of herself while pregnant, so that the baby may be born healthy. But realistically, how could you ensure that? You most likely can't. I would say pass, and instead raise your kids to be productive members of society. So that they can help fight the degeneracy of the world by in turn having their own well adjusted and educated children.

Prefacing my statement saying my family is relatively normal, I'm not in your shoes. But we have a mutual agreement with my sister that if anything happened to my wife and I she'd take care of our kids and vice versa. You are obviously in a way different scenario. But point is, family is family. My only recommendation is listen to your gut.

That child is your blood. No able adult should abandon the next generation.

That being said, I also have a half sis that I don't know and I have no emotional attachment to the well being of her offspring. In principal, I am pretty sure I'd adopt them. It's hard to judge people, they have limits.

My only question is why not adopt the rest of her kids? Her future kids? Now things get even murkier. Someone made a point about resources. If adopting this kid keeps you from creating your own, then that's a no go imo.

Fuk all that, tell her to abort it and have her tubes tied while they are in there.

other than the safety of my own kids this is the biggest issue for me. Unlikely to get a kid that is anything but addicted to heroine and crack. Not sure I have the slightest idea how to manage that

I would adopt the baby but only on the condition that her tubes are tied so she can never have kids again. She must also give up all visitation rights. Drug addicts will do anything for drugs and she may try to visit her baby in order to steal from your house.

If she has been pregnant less than 3 months then I recommend abortion.

See if you can find information on her previous kids, one of the adopting families might like their adopted kid to have their half-brother/sister.

How do you know she isn't bluffing and will have an abortion?

Working in law enforcement I've dealt with a lot of these 'crack babies'. In general they are highly likely to have mental and emotional problems and they can be a real hand-ful when they start getting older.

Also as mentioned if the mother tries to inch her way into your life later because of it its a bigger problem. So you'd have to make sure she has no parental rights and cut off all contact with her. Including she does not know your home address and can never see/speak to the child.




TBH I suspect a lot of kids with mental, physical or behavioral issues were due to the mother being chemically induced during pregnancy. Whether its prescription pills, alcohol, hard drugs, etc. Every time we deal with a badass kid with major issues the mother was some kind of druggie. Even the ones that just used prescription pills for their 'issues'. I wouldn't marry/have kids with a woman that takes prescription meds. Especially if its for ADD/ADHD, bipolar, depression or anxiety. If any of those are an issue its a HARD PASS.

fukc no , let her have an abortion.... dude dont go there... dont bother...in this life everyone is for his own...focus on your self and block that fail in life.


tbh , animals like her needs to be dipped in acid and have all her dna abolished from earth

Gonna have to agree with a lot of miscers and go with the abortion route. Unless you think you can provide a decent life to the child and raise him with good principles I would say dont do it. It might cause issues with your children as well who might end up jealous that you're investing so much into a child who isn't yours to begin with. Its a thin line but let your sister deal with it. She's a grown up now and she can make her own decisions no matter how harmful they can be.