might be mentioned other times, ill read the thread later but...been there

It rubbed off on me and landed me in a psych ward with alcoholism. Constantly anxious about how she's going to overreact over nothing. Not wanting to go home.
I was legitimately medicated and bipolar for a year.

I don't want to risk sounding retarded but it's contagious.
Life-ruining.
Just stay away. These women usually struggle with toxic relationships, drug addiction, and legal issues.
They are the source of toxicity and they will try and convince you that YOU are the crazy one.
You'll start believing it.

just my .02

Its amazing on how well they can act. These people tend to be able to put on an incredible amount of charisma and charm if they want to.

My mom is able to attract people to her like I've never seen anyone be able to do. She will charm them and they'll think she's the greatest person ever. But they have no idea of how crazy and abusive she is behind her facade.

I've witnessed her acting, even right after she was bawling her eyes out, raging, and throwing a tantrum. In the flick of a switch the alligator tears disappear and she will talk to someone in the sweetest most charming voice and manner right after.

If she went to a therapist, she would easily be able to convince them that I WAS the source of all her problems and I was the crazy one.

It is contagious and will destroy your mental health if you're around it too long and don't understand the disorder and take steps to walk away or set up boundaries.

My dad was married to my BPD mom for many years. Like you, he got involved in alcoholism. I watched a great man completely destroy himself and lose his sanity. Even after they separated she still inflicted her abuse and control. It killed him in the end.

Yep legal issues are very much over looked. They will some how find themselves in trouble, yet are always the victim.

Not always the case. All 3 people in my life who I've experienced with BPD never had any legal troubles.

But they seem more prone to it statistically. It seems the higher-functioning ones are able to avoid it.

A few weeks after we got married I begin to feel weird in sexual engagements, so I tried telling her that it felt weird, and asking if there was a problem, or why she acted like she owed me something. No warning signs before marriage. When I started probing about what was bothering her, she wouldn't tell me and just go into hysterics.

Then, eventually, about a year into, she started telling me about the abuse she suffered as a child. Then I started finding about the lies. Eventually when I started confronting her on the lies, the anger and hysterics would get worse. Now, for the last year, since she's been in counseling, it has only escalated and the episodes have been more intense.

I'm almost 100% sure the chick I just dated had it. Biggest sloot I've ever met in my life. Fun to fukk, but everything else was pretty annoying. She went completely psycho a couple times.

She was molested/raped when she was young.

Just kinda view her as a sad, lost child instead of a raging sloot.

Oh well.

This thread is so ****ed lol

Here are some behaviour indicators of bpd. Wanted to know if this checks out based on miscers experiences.. (its written in context of male bpd, but obviously should apply to females as well):

Black-white thinking, wherein he categorizes everyone as "all good" or "all bad" and will recategorize someone -- in just a few seconds -- from one polar extreme to the other based on a minor infraction;

Frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions like "you always" and "you never;"

Irrational jealousy and controlling behavior that tries to isolate you away from close friends or family members;

A strong sense of entitlement that prevents him from appreciating your sacrifices, resulting in a "what have you done for me lately?" attitude and a double standard;

Flipping, on a dime, between adoring you and devaluing you -- making you feel like you're always walking on eggshells;

Frequently creating drama over issues so minor that neither of you can recall what the fight was about two days later;

Low self esteem;

Verbal abuse and anger that is easily triggered, in seconds, by a minor thing you say or do (real or imagined), resulting in temper tantrums that typically last several hours;

Fear of abandonment or being alone -- evident in his expecting you to “be there” for him on demand, making unrealistic demands for the amount of time spent together, or responding with intense anger to even brief separations or slight changes in plans;

Always being "The Victim," a false self image he validates by blaming you for every misfortune;

Lack of impulse control, wherein he does reckless things without considering the consequences (e.g., binge eating, drugs, or spending);

Complaining that all his previous GFs were abusive and claiming (during your courtship) that you are the only one who has treated him well;

Mirroring your personality and preferences so perfectly during the courtship period (e.g., enjoying everything and everyone you like) that you were convinced you had met your "soul mate;"

Relying on you to center and ground him, giving him a sense of direction because his goals otherwise keep changing every few months;

Relying on you to sooth him and calm him down, when he is stressed, because he has so little ability to do self soothing;

Having no close long-term friends (unless they live a long distance away) even though he may have many casual friends;

Taking on the personality of whatever person he is talking to, thereby acting quite differently around different types of people;


Always convinced that his intense feelings accurately reflect reality -- to the point that he often "rewrites history" because he regards his own feelings as self-evident facts, despite his inability to support them with any hard evidence.

Look at tysons face when he has that rant ,talks about ****ing a man till he loves him and eating a mans *******, I don't see just anger I see pain and fear in his eyes.I at times rant myself and say extreme stuff,ruined some relationships that way or got into trouble,fights with other men, a couple of times the cops were called. Afterwards I often can't understand why I got so angry, it is normally over something very minor done or said to me, that most people with shrug off.

,when I saw tyson behave like he did I didn't know then he had BPD,but it shocked me how similar it was to my 'episodes'. I think getting older can cause some people with PD to burn out,read that some where, I am hoping that happens to me!, I did hear mike once say in an interview that he had had a lot of therapy.He does seem to be doing better, but the trouble with BPD is ,there tends to be two sides to the person with it. It's possible tyson has got better in keeping the bad mike chained up, thats what Iam getting better at,thinking a bit more before reacting.

I have been told by my psychiatrist to avoid weed at all costs funnily enough. Iam on the same drugs they give to people with schizophrenia as apparently they help with anger and anxiety in BPD. Can't say I have noticed much improvement. At best they help me sleep a bit better.

My mom has all of these:


Black-white thinking, wherein he categorizes everyone as "all good" or "all bad" and will recategorize someone -- in just a few seconds -- from one polar extreme to the other based on a minor infraction;

I go from "the greatest and most loving son in the world" to "total disappointment" multiple times per day depending on the slightest infraction

Frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions like "you always" and "you never;"

She always says "You never call enough" or "We don't go out to eat enough" or "You don't come see me enough" despite me giving her more attention than anyone else I know gives their mother

Irrational jealousy and controlling behavior that tries to isolate you away from close friends or family members;

Every girlfriend I've had she's been extremely jealous of because she sees it as taking my attention away from her and sets off her irrational fear of abandonment. She's always tried to manipulate me to hate my girlfriends.

A strong sense of entitlement that prevents him from appreciating your sacrifices, resulting in a "what have you done for me lately?" attitude and a double standard;

I do so much for my mom but its never appreciated. But she is quick to bring up "I've sacrificed so much for you." She also complains that I don't help her make more money or fix stuff at her house..."no one does anything for me" directed at me.

Flipping, on a dime, between adoring you and devaluing you -- making you feel like you're always walking on eggshells;

Constantly. I can't have a true loving relationship with her where I could talk to her about stuff. Any struggle or problem in my life with her gets flipped onto me, everything is my fault, and I'll never hear the end of it.

Frequently creating drama over issues so minor that neither of you can recall what the fight was about two days later;

This happens all the time. Then a few hours later or the next day its like it never happened for her. Last Christmas she stormed out of my place in hysterics and crying because I spent $20 over the agreed amount she said we should spend on each other. Right after, it was like her tantrum never happened and she denies it to this day.

Low self esteem;

Constantly complains about how old she is, wrinkles, no one likes her....its neverending.

Verbal abuse and anger that is easily triggered, in seconds, by a minor thing you say or do (real or imagined), resulting in temper tantrums that typically last several hours;

All the time. I was terrified of her as a kid because of her tantrums over minor things. One time I got a C on a test and she threw my folder/binder of school stuff across the room and starting shrieking, calling me dumb. Ever since then I was so terrified that I had to fake report cards if I got a C on them.

Fear of abandonment or being alone -- evident in his expecting you to “be there” for him on demand, making unrealistic demands for the amount of time spent together, or responding with intense anger to even brief separations or slight changes in plans;

This is a big one. She expects me to be at her whim all the time, unrealistically expects me to make money for her in the stock market now since I helped her once before I realized she had BPD (now she puts on the drama saying she's going to be homeless and shopping at the dollar store because she has to draw out of her savings sometimes....despite her having around a million dollars net worth). If I go on a trip with my girlfriend, she gets angry and gives me the whole guilt trip/silent treatment. Says stuff like "it must be nice" to make me feel guilty for enjoying myself. Or says stuff like "your old mother will be here all alone by herself" to guilt trip me....chit is crazy.

Always being "The Victim," a false self image he validates by blaming you for every misfortune;

Never seen her take blame or responsibility for anything. Always mine or someone else's fault.

Taking on the personality of whatever person he is talking to, thereby acting quite differently around different types of people;

She will switch personality/moods in a split second depending on who she is with or talking to. Example, will be raging or crying at me, and then someone else appears and she as sweet and loving as ever.

Now THIS more than anything smashed me in the face. Horry chit if this isn't spot on, word for word, what's going on.

I'm not sure if this is true, but with men I think PD gets better as they get older. Whereas with women, and menopause, it tends to get worse.

I also think with Tyson that lots of therapy, a support system, family, and cannabis has helped tremendously. He seems very level-headed now when I listen to him talk.

Yeah, this is seriously a 10/10 thread. Word for word, over and over again, I've experienced and dealt with the same person as you all have. It's a tragedy we've had to suffer over broken people, but it's also reassuring to read other people's stories, to know you're not crazy and you're not alone.

Not lecturing or claiming "moral superiority". I think we just see it a bit differently. Sounds like you believe they choose to make other people miserable and I think that they are miserable and the damage to other peoplegenerallyisn't intended. Yeah, there can be exceptions just like I think there are degrees of severity.The BPD person in my family? My mom.

Subjected to her crazy my whole life until quite recently. She did not have a BPD diagnosis. I didn't even know about PDs until fairly recently. When I did start to learn about it she was able to see it in her sister and mother, but never accepted it for herself.

She had a really bad time as a child. And she did try to get better- self-improvement books, therapy, anti-depressants. Also she did/would accept responsibility for her actions and could apologize.

Then brain cancer seemed to rip all that away and she was raw, angry and afraid her last year.

I don't believe she was evil, just very broken.

I was "parentified", invalidated, and yeah, though it is hard for me to think it abused.

And I am not BPD or NPD. CPTSD with some avoidant/fearful traits and I'm dealing with it as best I can.

Agreed

Sounds like my mom. Down to her being able to see it in her own mom, but never accepted it for herself.

She was neglected from love and comfort as a child which is what caused it. She formed a codependent relationship with her mother (always at her whim, trying to appease her). And I unknowingly formed a codependent relationship with her the same way, until I discovered she had BPD in my late 20s. I know she's read self-improvement books, took anti-depressants, and did therapy for a few months but it never really helped. She always slipped back into her borderline ways.

As an only child, I'm honestly terrified for when she gets sick or gets cancer and goes through the dying stage and I'm left by myself to take care of her. She's currently 65 years old. Like your mom, I know she is going to become extremely raw, angry, and afraid. I've witnessed people go through the dying process and some take it better than others, but based on how my mom handles things its going to be an explosion of anger, hysterics, rage, fear, blame, guilt, and manipulation to an extent I've never seen before.

They aren't evil people, even though the abuse they inflict on us can be considered evil and cruel. They are just extremely broken.

I have a brother but he is a mess himself. So it was/is all on me. And it was very bad. I know that I disassociated to function even though I tried my best to practice self care. Bad enough it was notable to the hospice nurse who witnessed it. Nurse actually apologized profusely once for waking her up.

Mom was briefly in nursing home and was miserable/hated it. She agreed to go to home hospice. I feel that the person that signed us up for that were somewhat deceitful. I was told that if/when it got to be more than I could handle that my mom could transfer to a hospice facility.

I hit the wall more than once and when I finally contacted them and asked about getting her transferred I was told that they didn't actually have a hospice facility. Oh, and they couldn't transfer her to a nursing home either because her raving and suicidal ranting would cause the nursing home to send her to a hospital pysch ward so they couldn't even put her in respite care so I could have a few days off. Pretty much there was nowhere for her to go and the hospice service wouldn't put a nurse in the house full time until she reached a point of needing pain medication every 3 hours IIRC.

She died before it got to that.

That sounds like hell.

I disassociated regularly during times my mom was having intense/prolonged episodes it was so bad, so I understand. The worst was back around 2012 I believe and the stock market was falling, she has a large investment account she inherited. It lost about 15% of its value and for weeks she would call me up in total hysterics crying and asking what to do. I tried giving advice but it was always ignored and twisted in a way for me to feel responsible for her portfolio dropping. "Why didn't you tell me to get out of these stocks!!." Her tantrums, rage and sobbing fits while rehashing the same thing over and over multiple times per days for weeks put so much emotional stress on me that it made me completely disassociate and experience panic attacks.

My mom already mentioned how she never wants to go into a nursing home. Probably will end up being home hospice when the time comes like you had to do.

This is so fukin sad man.

My ex gf had 90% of these issues and I didn't even know what BPD was when I was with her.

Not saying things would have turned out differently between us but in hindsight I feel like I could have been more empathetic towards her instead of thinking to myself "This women is insane, why am I even with this girl?" when I was with her.

Sigh.

This wont win me any fans but most of the women here are mentally ill abusers. This place is rife with Bipolars, BPDs and Narcissistic Personality Disorders. As you pointed out the holier than thou moral high road attitude while taking a swipe at you is a big giveaway.

Thats not to say there arent psychopathic men on here. **** many of those have made the news. Ive just noticed a much higher concentration of mental illness among the women because this isnt a logical place where they should be hanging out. That leaves people that think irrationally aka crazy women. Before anyone gets mad over this I want to ask you would you introduce your daughter to this place?

Quit being a passive aggressive kunt. If you have an issue with someone or what they're saying, address it. All i see from you are threads whining about circumstances you've created for yourself then bitching about mentally ill women. Bro, if you're stuck in traffic and bitching about traffic, perhaps realize thatyou are traffic.Pisses me off to no end to see you bring this chit into this thread.

Said before that what you went through was trauma. As long as you keep in contact with her you are unlikely to heal.

It would probably be in your best interest to relocate.

You can think whatever you want. I'm lonely, I like message boards and about 8 years ago I lost a bunch of weight. Then a few years after that I got interested in resistance training.

That's it. No particular agenda.

Just watch The Sopranos.

Tony Sopranos is broken because his mother had BPD.

Now would you want Tony's mother to be the mother of your children? It's a no brainer.

Damn, didn't even think about that, haven't seen that show in ten years. I'll have to go back and watch it, such a great show.

I have this book literally in my hand. Bought it a year ago never read it. Reading now thanks for posting. This im going to start tonight

Other good books are "Walking on Eggshells" and "I hate you - don't leave me"

Life is too short to deal with this chit.

Why would you marry this girl?

USAF.....

Is the extra bump in BAH worth your peace of mind?

She probably didn't really start showing signs until after they married, which I heard happens a lot. Although I'm sure there were some red flags beforehand. But if you're not aware of what BPD is and haven't experienced it before then you won't realize it until its too late.

I've read cases of guys meeting a woman that showed zero signs and was absolutely perfect until right after the wedding and then it was like a light bulb got turned on. This is why I always said I would wait at least 3 or more years of being with someone before getting married. Never rush marriages.