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Forum » Miisc how do you get over your parents death?
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Thread: Miisc how do you get over your parents death?

post 1617326771 09-22-2020, 09:21 PM
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#31
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You will never get over it. And that is okay. The hurt will be a scar.

Grieve when you need. Go live the best life you can. That is all you can do my man.

The pain will end when you die. Until then, you have to keep living your life.
post 1617327131 09-22-2020, 09:25 PM
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#32
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Wish i could offer you advice OP but im still trying to figure it out. I dont think you ever do. You just try and get use to it and not dwell on it or think about. The pain never goes away if thats what you are asking
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post 1617327361 09-22-2020, 09:27 PM
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#33
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I can't imagine how tough it must be to lose both at once, or in a short time period.
Originally Posted By ByAssociation⏩
I don't understand what there is to be upset about unless you're young
Well I guess you won't know until it is you. I remember being on the plane to get to my dad after getting that call- the "it's really bad" kind of call. And I was super anxious and a bit in shock/denial because I seriously got a call and was on a plane maybe 2 hours later. I tried to calm myself by thinking like that- hey, this is normal, sooner than you expected, but it's normal and you only have to go through it once.

He was 67 and I was 43. Hurt like hell.
Originally Posted By Glutebrahhh⏩
I've lost some close family in recent years. Honestly the world just changes and it doesn't go back. Parents exist as a lot of different things to us as children, and as adults. They separate us from death (or rather, they tend to be our first impactful experience), they support us when we fail (because who else really cares about your successes or failures?), and they also chain us to our youth (often a very negative way, or else it drives us far away). The passing of our parents is certainly devastating, but it is also freeing. You can no longer show them what shiny piece of garbage you've recently found, and you can no longer learn from them. There's always regret. Unless you're already a perfect human being who understands what it means to live fully and in the moment and all that trash. You might not be ready yet OP, but after you've come to terms with it, you can rise up and become a free man. Have an impact on the world in the ways your parents and grandparents taught you, whatever those things were that made them so special.
^^^
It's really more like this. It was about 2 years before the rawness of my grief for my father faded significantly. My mom passed just about a year ago.

There is just nothing easy about it. And I know that grieving while the world is turned upside down is even worse. I had a service for my mom and tried to restart my life, but it is kind of a blur. Then it was Christmas. Then- wham -lock down. Couldn't even go out to get a break from yourself.

I know that the drinking can't help. Sometimes you just have to ride it out. Sometimes it helps to actually talk to another person.
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post 1617327681 09-22-2020, 09:31 PM
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#34
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Eventually the pain will become less and less but it will always be there. Life will always keep moving forward no matter what. Just gotta give it time OP
post 1617328201 09-22-2020, 09:37 PM
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#35
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Originally Posted By katya422⏩
I can't imagine how tough it must be to lose both at once, or in a short time period.



Well I guess you won't know until it is you. I remember being on the plane to get to my dad after getting that call- the "it's really bad" kind of call. And I was super anxious and a bit in shock/denial because I seriously got a call and was on a plane maybe 2 hours later. I tried to calm myself by thinking like that- hey, this is normal, sooner than you expected, but it's normal and you only have to go through it once.

He was 67 and I was 43. Hurt like hell.



^^^
It's really more like this. It was about 2 years before the rawness of my grief for my father faded significantly. My mom passed just about a year ago.

There is just nothing easy about it. And I know that grieving while the world is turned upside down is even worse. I had a service for my mom and tried to restart my life, but it is kind of a blur. Then it was Christmas. Then- wham -lock down. Couldn't even go out to get a break from yourself.

I know that the drinking can't help. Sometimes you just have to ride it out. Sometimes it helps to actually talk to another person.
And now it's almost Christmas again. Starting to get cold.

post 1617328661 09-22-2020, 09:44 PM
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#36
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You don't ever get over it. You have to grow up real fast (even if you're already an adult), and life changes forever. That doesn't mean life is bad, but it's distinctly different in a weird way that makes you uncomfortable if you think about it too much.

I dealt with it by suppressing emotion, taking all the stress of the family on to myself, and drinking heavily and running my body through the ringer for a few years. Do not recommend. All it did was make things worse.

I think the best thing you can do is try to honor their memory by being the best version of yourself. Also, take the time here and there to remember the good times.
post 1617328791 09-22-2020, 09:45 PM
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#37
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Originally Posted By DTRrex⏩
You don't ever get over it. You have to grow up real fast (even if you're already an adult), and life changes forever. That doesn't mean life is bad, but it's distinctly different in a weird way that makes you uncomfortable if you think about it too much.

I dealt with it by suppressing emotion, taking all the stress of the family on to myself, and drinking heavily and running my body through the ringer for a few years. Do not recommend. All it did was make things worse.

I think you best thing you can do is try to honor their memory by being the best version of yourself. Also, take the time here and there to remember the good times.
The thing that bugs me out is that I will have no connections to anything anymore. A true free agent with no family of my own. Nobody will ever give half a fuk again

Imagine inheriting those videos that your parents took when you did school pageants and everything that were so special to them that they watched over the years. Do you just throw them out? What a strange thought
post 1617329731 09-22-2020, 09:59 PM
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#38
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Never, I think.


But my mother is still alive and that helps a lot.

It's always the small thing which reminds me of him,

Our fond memories, which I thought I hid deep in my heart.

The heart with a broken lock, couldn't hold it back forever.



Sorry for your loss. They'll always watch over you from above. *bow*
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post 1617331001 09-22-2020, 10:17 PM
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#39
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This thread... Goddamn.

Man, mortality sucks


Tbh I really wish I was able to believe in a religion, but it's not something I've ever been able to make sense of, or "feel" either. I'm sure there's a lot of comfort and peace to be had when there's confident belief in an afterlife. I wish I could invest in that belief.
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post 1617331541 09-22-2020, 10:27 PM
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#40
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I don’t think you’d want to “get over it” tbh. Loss and pain are part of the journey, and those bad feels are just as important as the good feels. It’s all about how you deal with it and move forward IMO, especially considering that eventually losing your parents is really the best-case scenario
post 1617332441 09-22-2020, 10:41 PM
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#41
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post 1617333361 09-22-2020, 10:57 PM
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#42
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op did you take a bereavement period from work? most employers have them. I gave a week standard but gave more as needed. its paid.
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post 1617334181 09-22-2020, 11:07 PM
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You don't. I never will if that happens.

If thread is serious, I'm so sorry.
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post 1617334721 09-22-2020, 11:17 PM
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#44
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Originally Posted By FrankCostanza⏩
op did you take a bereavement period from work? most employers have them. I gave a week standard but gave more as needed. its paid.
No Just thought about them I've posted about my dad and mom dying it's always good just to love you know....
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post 1617334951 09-22-2020, 11:22 PM
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#45
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I'm 46, father passed when I was 22. They did a helicopter transport to probably the best hospital in the US. Can't feel bad about that. It is unfortunate but I try and think about the good times
post 1617335821 09-22-2020, 11:45 PM
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Originally Posted By Dontoewsmebro⏩
No Just thought about them I've posted about my dad and mom dying it's always good just to love you know....
well if its still valid (idk about canada) just take the time off. have a good cry and focus on it for a bit. this is the hardest thing you'll ever experience unless a child dies before you.

I wish you the best of luck.
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post 1617336521 09-23-2020, 12:07 AM
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#47
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Its hard, drank a bit early on when my dad passed and when my brother passed. You never get over it completely, it does hurt less though as the years go by but it's just always going to be a tender spot. If you are religious I would say look for that for comfort, if not just reminisce on the good times and realize that they live in memory. After my brother my mom went to grief counseling, she's never recovered and won't till she passes, you could try that or therapy.
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