The girl replied and said sounds fun, but is out of town visiting a girlfriend of hers next weekend, but asked if we can push it to the following weekend. I said that can work and let’s plan on that.
Not sure I played this great because I may not see her for two weeks now unless we schedule another thing earlier… plus I didn’t have plans yet so it may look like I have nothing going on. But I think that’s overthinking this. The plan is for her to visit my town and spend the day together so it would be a great opportunity to escalate things.

Nice bro re: your coffee date. Sounds like you two were vibing well. Let us know how the dinner date goes, at this rate probably well. Lol at the bookstore owner..

Hmm. I think you might need to “strike while the irons hot” with some of these girls. I understand you don’t want to come across as needy, I get it. But maybe try and get these girls out on another date quickly. Are you able to make some time in your week to link up with them? If so try asking them if they’re free again in the next couple days. If they give a day, adjust your time accordingly while making it seem like your doing them a favor by doing so.

How far do these girls live? I personally try to keep all of my dates within 30 minutes, really 20 minutes if possible. Just makes everything so much more convenient.

Yea, normally I’d schedule sooner but she left this weekend and next weekend, and I started a new job recently so I have less time. We are about 40 minutes apart but there aren’t really good places to meet in between the area and with my new commute it’s tougher.
When I reached out it was to schedule a weekend day in my town, so we scheduled the soonest one available. I may call her like midweek and see if she’s available like Thursday or something to meet up before she leaves next weekend, or just FaceTime her so we could at least stay in touch. We definitely have a good connection so far so I don’t want to wait too long but I’m not sure we’ll be able to meet this week.

While I agree it’s best to meet people closer and I try, it just doesn’t always workout that way. Good news is, she may be moving closer to me soon but either way it’s not quite a huge dealbreaker or anything, just is another small hurdle. I’m going to think on it and see if I can get creative so we could meet earlier.

Exactly. You are an instant ghost.

40 Minutes isnt too bad depending on the drive. I think the previous girl was like, over an hour? Thats tough. My location is kinda odd in regards to distance to drive time. I match with girls that live in Philly which is 22ish miles south from me but would take me 45+ minutes to get to the city, which frankly I have no interest in doing. On the flip side since I live 5 minutes off a main high way and could drive 40 miles north and it would only take me the same 45 minutes, but a far easier drive.

You end up reaching out to her?

when a chick becomes flakey AF, disrespectful, blows you off then reaches out and acts like none of that chit happened.
So you decide not to put up with that chit anymore and ignore them.
Then they use their kids phone pretending its the kid or actually have the kid text you asking if you want to come to their Halloween party.

What in the actual fuk.

I feel like you overthink way too much and just need to chill and let things flow naturally. If you have genuine chemistry, things will progress. People that have genuine chemistry will want to communicate regularly and make time for each other. I think the major flaw with modern dating is that people think that you are being overbearing if you communicate regularly. Texting twice a week and barely communicating is a surefire way to convey that you are not interested. I mean you don't have to be annoying but if I went on a date and hit it off and played the texting game of taking 5 days to reply to chit, I would just think that they are just not interested.

Yeah bro I hear you! Most girls I’ve dated the past couple years were fairly close to where I normally go (except one that was overly far so we kept meeting) but I live by the coast and I’m somewhat secluded from areas where I’m more likely to find a match. So I try to meet girls nearby but there’s less opportunity. Anyways this current girl isn’t extremely far but we can’t really meet in the week—but she’s moving closer to me in a few months possibly.

Anyways we’ve been in contact and talked on the phone Friday night for about 45 mins. We had a good convo and she told me she likes talking with me. We have a bunch to talk about now. The previous day before that she took a while to reply to me and I started overthinking but I’m trying to let things flow and not overreact. I still should be keeping my options open and just let things flow so I’m trying.

We’re still scheduled for her to come to my place this coming weekend and to go do stuff. Will be a good opportunity to be close with her and see how things go.

Totally! I really agree I need to be more relaxed, I’m a bit scarred I think from some past experiences but I need to let that go and stop using it as an excuse to be worried so often. Really Working on that but have a ways to go..

We’ve been texting every few days and chatted Friday as mentioned above (she’s gone this wknd). But seems like she’s excited to come see me next weekend and it should be a good time.

I should add fellas..that I noticed on ig she has an old account with a profile pic with her ex (it’s on private so I can’t see anything else) So it’s kind of in the back of my mind. I don’t think she’s using it at all, and she’s had a brand new account for a few weeks (nothing shady on there) but her old account is following the new one. I’m guessing she went through a break up after an ltr but I don’t know the story.. Sucks that this issue comes up again but I do understand people have a past and I shouldn’t jump to conclusions. It’s Concerning though potentially.. lastly, I know we’re not a couple but I noticed she recently liked a workout reel this random guy posted and commented about the routine. I was stalking her social admittedly. I don’t know if he’s into her or for all I know he could be in a relationship or not bc his real account is private. I know it probably sounds pathetic that I noticed this, but I try to do my due diligence.. the guy may just be her friend but it makes me wonder what the deal is. Yes I realize this isn’t healthy.

Don't look at her social media.

Don't worry about the dude on Insta

Just go do your hobbies.

Just set up the date then go on the date then repeat the process.

You're overthinking this. Now you're stalking. You never want to do this.

Thank you! You’re absolutely right. Following your advice.

Agreed.
But on the other hand I don't know anyone who has multiple IG accounts (unless one is for business) and if she had to create a new one to cleanse herself of a breakup I would think she'd have deleted the old one altogether?
Weird but if there are red flags you'll figure it out as you get to know her.

Everyone has a past. Don't be insecure. Its literally the worst look you can give to a women. Who gives a **** who she is friends with or old boyfriends. The vibe you should be giving off is that you are the catch and the upgrade from their ex. I'm telling you, The first time you make any comment about the guy you saw with on social media, its over in her mind.

Yea agreed bro. It’s a bit weird that it’s still there. Not sure why people don’t just erase that stuff..I do not think it’s active at all but it still is there.Won’t bring it up since we’ve only seen each other a few times. Going to stop looking at that stuff since it’s unhealthy and gives me anxiety. Want to Improve on this.

Agreed bro I don’t want to be insecure and worried. I feel I should be acting better than this. The anxiety I get when I like someone feels terrible. I don’t think I used to be this way, and I want to change it. Good news is, I haven’t shown her I was worried about other people at all. But I want to get control of my own mind more.

I won’t be commenting on other guys. Just going to have fun with her and be high value.

As far as your previous comment about communication goes..it’s kind of perplexing sometimes because it seems girls view it differently depending on the person. This current girl and I text but not that often, and since we can’t meet during the week usually there are some gaps in contact. Not sure if that’s a bad sign but as long as we’re still seeing each other I figure it’s ok. We’ll see how things go this weekend and if we escalate things.

I been married for 8 years and was with her for almost 7 when we got married. I'm definitely out of the loop. But when we were in that talking phase, there was a constant stream of communication.

IMHO it totally depends on the situation. Me and this girl met in an app and we had one date one FaceTime and one phone call.some texting in between although I don’t initiate texts a lot. .this weekend will be the first time she’s coming over and also the first time things could even escalate.

I was in a relationship from 2013-2019 and things are definitely different, especially on app dating. But it’s hard to know, you can’t force things but eventually you want things to flow and start having constant communication as things progress. Anyways im not expert or pro or anything; We aren’t quite there yet but she’s shown me some serious signs of interest..

So I am dating a black girl for the first time....just curious of other miscers first time? I've dated several non white girls before but white guy black girl seems fairly rare in my area. She seems a bit more tame then me in terms of going out/drinking ect but maybe that might be a good change of pace compared to past few wild girls I've seen. Has a 4 year STEM degree in similar field as me, I was fairly drunk when I met her but she didn't seem to mind, texted the next day and set up a date right away, went decent and going to go out again as soon as I have some free time.

Any updates Pain?

Sup brah. We did end up meeting Sat and spent a few hours together. We went to the the beach and hung out, got some food. Had some good conversations but i didn’t feel we connected super well or anything. This girl is super outgoing, a bit loud/a little weird which is fine, but she’s one of those people who tries to talk to anyone and everyone. It’s kind of to the point it’s strange to me and off putting. She’s definitely not a hook up type which is a good thing imo, but she lacks focus with a lot of things. She says she wants a family and a relationship but she seems to be at a stage where she may not really be ready for that. I know she’s on two apps and maybe recently out of a ltr so maybe that’s part of why she’s this way? I don’t know.

We basically had a pretty good time hanging out, I did kiss her towards the end. She seemed surprised for some reason but she reciprocated a bit but it was short. When she left I felt disappointed because it’s been hard to find time to spend together and she was finally there and she left to go visit her family.

Our date was fun and light which is what I wanted. However she did bring up that I don’t text much (which is fair and true) but I ended up telling her she kind of blew me offf a couple times and it made me question things and gave me a weird feeling. We left on good terms but I felt deflated like it’s a long shot for this to work out.
I think I’ll keep in touch with her because she’s a cool person and we can see how it goes, but I don’t have high expectations.

Update: I should have just followed my gut and left it be after the above. But I was still a bit interested so I called her tonight. She texted me later basically saying she enjoyed getting to know me but it’s not what she’s looking for etc. Shoot feelsbadman even though I agree we aren’t right for each other.

Fuark, sorry to hear man. Based on your previous posts her interest didn't seem very high. Use it as a learning experience though as your original gut reaction was correct when she sent you that shady text about meeting for dinner.

It might've sucked to be let down like that on the phone, but at least you got your answer to how she felt so you can now move on.

On to the next one.

Thank you buddy. She didn’t answer my call that night and turned me down through text. I texted back it’s totally fine, wished her the best and no hard feelings. It stung and has continued to suck thinking about it this week. But I know I’ve been making a ton of progress in life, my next step is to get my game better. She was wrong for me overall but honestly I fuked this one up a bit as far as keeping her interested.

She was excited about us after our first dinner date. I could definitely tell we were feeling each other quite a bit. But I made some mistakes after I need to learn from. Looking back it was definitely a mistake not to communicate more through text during the week..I was tired/lazy and completely neglected it..and it killed momentum and I didn’t build any good rapport or attraction.

On the date Saturday when she finally came to visit me. My energy was low, I wasn’t on my game. We did have some decent convo and we enjoyed some food together, but I criticized her too much including when she brought up my lack of texts, saying she blew me off the other night (I made things serious and negative instead of being lighthearted, I think this was mail in coffin). By the time I kissed her the night was ruined. I’m actually looking back at that day and thinking it makes perfect sense why she left and why she may have been annoyed and upset, I turned her away.

Not saying this stuff to beat myself up but I do feel like sht because I could have put a much better foot forward. Even my eye contact wasn’t good and I wasn’t focusing, I also poked fun at her too much. She unfollowed me yesterday and I reciprocated today. I’m going to be accountable and learn from this. I actually was so tempted to text her one last time admitting my lack of communication and that I shouldn’t have guilted her, but I suppose this is best left alone. She is a bit too young for me and a bit too obsessed with image/fashion, slightly rude at times, and we don’t have some important things in common. However she was pretty fun, cute, fit and had good qualities too. It does feel bad she literally cut me off and wants nothing to do with me lol..have to suck it up and learn and say f it and move forward, time to get better.

It's great that you can look back and look at where you can improve as far as "dating skills" but if you're improving in all aspects of life and having a lot going for you, don't lose fact of the sight that being "on point" every minute of every date/communication won't be as difficult or critical when you come across a woman who can match you maturity level and is a good fit in other aspects.

It's not always "learning from rejection" as it is continuing to search and be open to find the right one(s).

Thank you bro! You make a great point.

This week I’ve been extra hard on myself just because I felt I wasn’t prepared and didn’t give my best to her. It also stung harder than normal when I noticed she unfollowed me..I realized I must have really rubbed her the wrong way. Was surprised and slightly butthurt she closed the door completely. Part of me respects it though, we don’t have to drag things on.

But I agree, I think a girl who’s on a good maturity level would be more compatible and open. Plus we can never be perfect so if there’s enough in common and enough chemistry things will flow better.

I’ll just keep improving and stay open.

Here are some random thoughts based on my recent experience with dating and some mistakes I’m learning from. This is just to vent, identify issues, and hopefully help any of the maybe 15 people who still read this thread LOL

1. Don’t act needy. Stop acting like you are in a relationship with a girl after a couple dates. This is a process and you have to manage expectations without putting too much pressure on people. It turns them off and turns them away. In other words relax and play it cool.

2. Don’t stalk social media too much. There are so many things on ig or fb or elsewhere that can be misconstrued and misinterpreted. It creates anxiety and increases the chance you’ll make more bad decisions in your interaction with someone you like. This goes with the next point.

3. Don’t overthink. Be playful, positive and lighthearted when texting and dating in general. Try to be fun when texting, and I don’t mean by being overly sexual early on. Don’t read into a couple texts that she sends. If she shows signs of pulling away than you can do the same instead of freaking out and interrogating her. I’ve been learning this the hard way.

4. Remember to manage expectations and keep your options open. Be comfortable talking to people, joke around and enjoy life. Good things will come.

5. Don’t take it personally when things don’t work out. There are many reasons people can not be compatible and it’s usually not anyone’s fault. You can always learn from it and improve as well.

It ain’t always easy brahs. But I hope I can keep improving and I hope you all find what you’re looking for out there. We’re all gonna make it.

Pretty spot on

Most men nowadays don't realize girls like good texters, too many guys read red pill/pua and it shows

Lots of dudes get ghosted/stood up date day because the girl isn't sure who tf they are, because they didn't bother texting/communicating with them first

Hey guys,

First time posting in this thread.

Which is better hinge/bumble/tinder and how much time are you supposed to spend on it?

Ideally, how much time should I spend to maximize the amount of matches?

hinge is by far the best

rest are trash