Here’s my journal, it’s the first time I’ve ever posted on an internet forum about this. I’ve known about porn addiction for about seven years now, had countless streaks but never been able to get past the 90 days. Probably only had four or five streaks that have gone past a month. My longest was in winter 2022 when I got to Day 75, but I moved to a new city and started a stressful job in that period so I didn’t see any benefits (probably had withdrawals too), in fact it was one of the worst periods of my life. After re-reading Gary Wilson’s book and basically listening to all his radio shows and podcast appearances on repeat, I realise that it’s probably going to take me a lot longer than 75 days anyway to recover.

First started watching porn at 11 and probably became addicted around 15. I’m 26 now and turn 27 in four weeks, something that scares me a lot for some reason and is making me even more determined to set this right. Used to spend entire weekends watching, escalated to new genres, you name it had all the clear signs of addiction. Struggled with mental health problems since I was in my teens too, real bad social anxiety and depression. There’s lots more I could talk about here, both my issues and the scale of my addiction, but when I’ve tried to write about this before I’ve written a ridiculous amount so want to keep it brief to start. Been to therapy and on antidepressants on and off over the last five years but not really seen any true improvement. After re-reading all the stuff about porn addiction I’m now 99% sure that the real issue in my life is this.

I’m on Day 31 of my current streak. In truth, I’ve not seen any real benefits as of yet. Just been having withdrawals. Low motivation, low energy, craving junk food, mood swings, irritation and feelings of loneliness have been my main symptoms. But woke up today with really strong morning wood and felt great this morning, so hopeful that I’m turning a corner. I’ve got a job interview tomorrow and I am praying I get it. I hate my current job and this role would improve my life in so many ways, it’s much closer to what I’m interested in, lets me wfh for three days a week, would give me an extra 15 hours of free time each week (thanks to reduced commute and slightly shorter working day), and would give me more disposable income. Lots of pressure as I’ve been looking for months now and this is the first time I’ve had interest, so I’m gonna feel pretty dejected if I don’t get it as there’s no backup right now. This is my current mindset one month into the streak, again I could write a lot more but trying to keep this readable.

I wanted to start a journal and post online to track my progress and give me an outlet to talk about these things. I actually told my Mum (lmao) which felt pretty good but obviously can’t really talk to her completely openly about certain stuff. I’m pretty socially isolated having lost all connection to my previous friends and ex-girlfriends, likely my addicted brain causing me to become ever more distant from the real world. So hoping that by posting here I’ll get some accountability and ideally an outlet on this journey. Would be great if this could serve as comfort or inspiration to someone who is suffering and looking for hope as I’ve relied on success stories countless times over the years to keep me going.

Feel free to ask any questions. I’ll try to post an update each day, which may be ambitious, but will definitely keep updated on a weekly basis at the very least.

Thanks for reading and wish me luck

I too am addicted to women

there's a 90% chance of someone posting porn in here brah

not a safe place if you have a problem and trying to avoid it

negged

100% this


OP has consistently proven he is a homosexual pervert.

yea boyo i'm 29 now and have been addicted since forever

we gon make it

Cheers man I'll keep that in mind

Definitely bro crazy how hard this is to quit. You on a streak now?

lmao

Day 32 - Had my interview today, think it went fairly well. I've at least given myself a shot which is all I can ask of myself. Hard to really say how much the reboot is affecting me today. I felt quite nervous this morning and still feel a bit uneasy, but this is a natural response to waiting to hear for something. Nofap or yesfap I guess nothing will change that waiting is chit.

Didn't have morning wood when I woke up, first time in about a week. I think I had a mini flatline between day 14 and day 21, nothing too major. In truth, I haven't experienced a massive flatline on any of my streaks. Pretty sure pron addiction has impacted my sexual performance tho as ED and PE have kinda been present ever since I became sexually active at 19 and definitely got worse in the last few years. Haven't shagged since day 6 so can't really say if it's changed (this bish i've been seeing casually for a couple of months is on holiday atm, not 100% sure i'll see her again as she's treating me like chit tbh)

Took the day off work for my interview so went to the shops, talking to the cashier I felt more charming and social than usual. lame af to analyse such a small interaction I know but have to take this as evidence of development. My normal mode is to be very shy and painfully awkward in all social situations but have had periods where I'm outgoing and charismatic so I know I've got the social skills in me. Feeling relaxed and confident in a situation like this felt like a return to how I know I can be. Positive sign.

Brings me to why I'm doing this. I read one guy say about before his reboot he felt like a 'Ferrari stuck in first gear'. That's me socially, professionally and in every area. Can't lie I know I'm pretty capable and got stuff going for me but this unexplained cloud has followed me for years and I feel robbed of the man I should be. It's hard to express just how terrible I feel most the time. Stuck feeling and acting like an autist when I know how it can be, I've had enough of a taste of it to know this is not me and that something is wrong. If that something is pron than the joy i will feel i won't be able to put into words. Even if it's not than I need to completely quit anyway so I can turn my attention to other stuff.

Buckled up though as everything I've read on the subject suggests I'm still really early in the process. Basically seems like 3-6 months is when the real rewiring happens, potentially even longer. Small note that I'd strongly recommend anyone wanting to quit to really absorb everything on yourbrainonporn.com as well as all Gary Wilson's chit. The man was a true hero.

Also can see that this forum ain't really too into nofap anymore, probably everyone knows about it by now, so not really expecting much reaction, but hoping other bros will get involved, start quitting and post their own experiences. I read some of the bodybuilding nofap threads from 2013 and they were great. Dream would be to get something like that going again.

Inb4 tldr

Day 33 - Back in the office today. I truly hate this job. It’s all so ugly. The commute is ugly, the office is ugly, the work is ugly and the people are ugly. Very hard to gauge the reboot when I’m spending the majority of my waking life in a place I hate. Fingers crossed that I get this other job, though I’ve decided even if I don’t I’ll hand my notice in in a few weeks anyway. Can’t deal with this much longer. The thought of handing my notice in is stressing me out though. There’s a hectic period coming up and they’ve been trying to hire someone else but unable to. My boss asked me a week or so ago if I was happy, clearly worried about losing someone else, and I told him yes because I didn’t really want to get into it. Now the thought of handing my notice in makes me feel scared. Crazy really considering how unhappy I am and that I’m well in my right to leave when I want. Just shows how unassertive and scared of conflict I am, hopefully this changes as the reboot continues.

Not experiencing cravings at all so far on this reboot. I was expecting to deal with cravings after I hit the three week mark due to the addiction related pathways strengthening but absolutely nothing so far. Not sure if this is because I’ve pretty much made myself an anti-pron fanatic by constantly listening to Gary Wilson or if I’m in a mini flatline. I had morning wood this morning, pretty decent too, so I don’t think so but I also am not feeling much drive to meet girls or strong sexual feelings so it's possible. Whatever it is, it is making this reboot much easier but also allowing creeping doubts to slip in, telling me that I can’t actually have been an addict. I know where that doubt leads me and it’s right back into the hole. Luckily I have been maintaining a daily log for the last six months so I have access to what my relationship to pron is. All I need to do is look back on the days when I was using and it’s clear I was. For example, on January 6 I answered the ‘PMO?’ section with - “Yes - did it twice (first time for 5 hours)”. The next day, Jan 7, I noted I did it three times and wrote: “Very much in the PMO hole and it’s making living properly feel hard. Should never doubt how addicted I am again, it has been hellish this weekend and a stark reminder that it must be eradicated.” Having this data helps me to remember better as on previous streaks doubt in the reality of pron addiction has led me to relapse. I can’t let this happen again.

But not a particularly noteworthy day overall. It’s one of those where I have to show patience and grit. Acknowledge that my current position in life is only temporary. I won’t be in this job forever and I will reboot. Tricky to really appreciate this at the time but I know it’s true. It’s also difficult right now because I know I’ve got two paths ahead of me, both of which are going to initiate a strong emotional response. Either I get this other job, and I will feel overwhelming relief and joy, or I won't, which will make me feel despairing as I don’t have a clear back-up. I think once I know, either way, it will be easier to be more centred.

Also wanted to say that my lifestyle in every area apart from quitting pmo has deteriorated massively. This has been me for the last two weeks or so:
- Exercising way less, probably only been to the gym three or four times. Was going 4-5 times a week before.
- Used to have a list of 10 daily rules to complete (including things like meditate, cold shower, exercise etc). Used to get at least 8/10 most days and would maintain a meticulous record. For the past two weeks I’ve stopped even bothering to track.
- My diet has gone to chit. In the last year or so I overhauled my diet and completely removed junk food. For the last two weeks I’ve eaten a **** load of fast food, even when I cook now it’s just chucking a pizza in the oven. Yesterday I literally just ate KFC and a pizza, proper teenage loser diet.
- Most disgustingly, my personal hygiene habits have deteriorated too. I’m not brushing my teeth before bed, I’m not showering everyday, not washing my clothes enough, wearing dirty clothes to work (don’t smell but still, need standards).
- My room is messy. Haven’t bothered to clean it.
- Back to biting my nails and skin on fingers. Lifelong problem but had managed to stop for around a month before the start of this reboot.
- I’m spending way more time mindlessly browsing the web, listening to the same podcast clips on Youtube over and over, and just lounging about a lot more. When I get home from work these past two weeks I’ve just crawled into bed and been lazy, before I was basically productive until around 9 when I would start chilling.
- No attention span. This has been **** for years now but has dipped further. I was at least watching a tv show before this reboot, now I seriously don’t have the focus to watch television. I just go on Youtube and re-listen to the same podcast clips. Clearly just seeking comfort.

I’ve not been this bad since I was in the depths of depression in my early 20s, yet weirdly I don’t feel overly bad, my mood has been more fluctuating I’d say but the average is probably the same as before the reboot. I believe the low motivation to maintain my lifestyle is a withdrawal effect from quitting. It seems that dopamine dips even lower during the early stages of quitting so that would make sense. I don’t want to shirk responsibility though, it’s going to take effort (as it always is whenever you fall out of the habit with anything) to get these back but I can’t afford to just wait till my motivation comes back. It’s vital to be living the healthy lifestyle I want so I can expose my brain to healthy sources of dopamine whilst I’m rebooting. Can’t expect to feel good and confident if I’m not taking care of myself. At the same time, I don’t want to put too much on my plate and lose focus. Removing pmo addiction is my absolute top priority and I would happily take this lifestyle for the next six months if it meant I finally freed myself from it. Obviously, I do not need to choose between staying pmo free and having a healthy lifestyle but I think I need to gently introduce it again to ensure I don’t get overwhelmed.

someone send this guy to reddit or any other phæggy forum

lol keep gatekeeping an internet forum bro sounds like a cool life

Day 35 -
Noticed some improvements in my mood last few days. Other signs of improvement:
- More vivid dreams. One last night woke me up at the middle of the night, it involved work and be becoming some sort of strike leader (lmao), I felt great when I awoke.
- Randomly got bored of unproductive activities like youtube and reading this forum (sry) on evening of day 33. Read and meditated instead.
- Swear skin has got better. Usually get fair amount of acne on my forehead, that's clearing up. Feels smoother.
- Some subtle improvements in anxiety and confidence.
- Seeing a clearer path towards the person I want to be, the person I should have been all along.

Still dealing with relatively low motivation and energy, trying to sort my lifestyle out (need to focus on diet and exercise). Five weeks done mofos a lifetime to go

it may be related
to addicted brain wiring
and possession of demons (srs)
since this addiction push you into darkareas
of isolation,self hatred,lowers mind grey material in the ass.

damn brah explains so much

lmao nah, fapped yesterday

dink is tingling rn and i might fap again

smh fml

come on broski you got this

Day 36 - Felt profoundly bored yesterday, never felt this bored when I was pmoing. My mood has dipped this morning. I’m feeling doubtful that this is going to be the answer and so sick of being alone. Also having painful regret feelings that I have wasted my youth on this lame addiction. I’ve lost friendships, the girl I loved, lost opportunities and lost the potential I once had. Turning 27 in less than three weeks now and I hate where I am in life.

Are these withdrawals? The flatness that addicts usually feel during the early stages of recovery? I hope so but I’m not sure. I know it’s early days, realistically it could be double the amount of days and it would still be early. Nothing to do but continue.

Didn’t have morning wood yesterday or today. Not noticing any positive changes today, my judgement is clouded though by this negativity I’m feeling this morning.

congratz boyo

the last time i went 30+ days without ejaculating was in 2017

i hope to reach there again

Thank you mate, you will get there. Thing that's worked for me is really delving into the YBOP world again. Listen to the radio shows on there they've been really helpful and motivating.

Can I ask how addicted you are? Do you do it everyday and for hours?

I went on a stretch from 23-28 years old where I was fapping to porn 2-5 hours everyday

Since jan 2024, i've lowered it to 1.5-3 hours 2-3 times a week

I feel infinitely better. Can't imagine how good i'd feel when I completely cut it out

I was just thinking about this the other day. Whenever I think back to my good phases and memories in life, there was always a common theme. I wasn't fapping and watching porn.

Now is it a chicken/egg situation where life was good therefore I didn't care to escape to porn? Or was my life good because I wasn't watching porn. I'm sure there is a debate to be made there but I want to get off this either way

Damn man, two to five hours is crazy. I was quite similar though, I'd at least do it for an hour a day and it was quite normal for me to do it for several hours. Legit remember finishing and being starving and thirsty because I'd put off feeding myself. Cutting down is good work but I'd recommend checking out YBOP again as it says you basically need to go cold turkey, wish I could link the specific article but I haven't posted enough yet. If you go onto their web page, click 'Quitting Porn' then 'Rebooting/Porn Use FAQs' and there's chit loads of info.

Really relate to good phases coinciding with no pron use. I've had two serious relationships in my life and both started when I was actively quitting. I get what you're saying about the chicken/egg situation, and I'm sure there's some truth in it, but I see it quite simply. Just ask yourself these questions:
1) Do you think pron can be addictive? (To answer look at YBOP again, they've got chit loads of studies proving it is)
2) If pron is addictive, do you think you are addicted? (Look at 4Cs:
- Compulsion to use
- Continued use in spite of adverse consequences
- Inability to Control use
- Craving – psychological or physical

In your case and mine it's pretty clear as it's strong sign of addiction to watch that much every day, shows a level of escalated and dependency)

If you are addicted than you will have the brain changes common to all addictions:

sensitisation (brain becomes hyper sensitive to pron use, and everything related to it),

desensitisation (brain becomes less sensitive to every other pleasure due to reduced dopamine and dopamine receptors),

hypofrontality (frontal lobe gets weaker and loses grey matter, resulting in poorer self control, basically weaker anything that requires thought),

malfunctioning stress system (any minor stress results in huge cravings for pron and withdrawal symptoms when quitting).

If you look at it this way than it should make sense why your life is better when you have quit in the past. It can be the same bro, we both gon make it

Edit: Found the article about why tapering doesn't work, it's called "why doesn't gradual reduction work with porn recovery? on YBOP:

"“gradual” may not work for you if your porn use has led to addiction processes in your brain. These are physical changes, which numb your response to pleasure, make you hypersensitive to porn related cues, alter your stress response, and impair your executive control (self-control) due to alterations in your frontal lobes.

The strategy of slowly “cutting back” until you are ready to quit works primarily for only two addictions. They are caffeine and nicotine. Neither chemical interferes with functioning—indeed they may improve it. Each is ingested in very specific amounts throughout the day. People get addicted to both, find “their” levels, and stay there.

Gradual weaning does not work well for drug addicts, pathological gamblers, or even the obese (fattening food). Consuming these other addictions usually leads to escalation—and you end up right back where you started. From all reports, Internet porn addiction is similar to these addictions as moderation often fails."

Got some bad news for you. Almost 45 and the addiction doesn't fade, it merely changes.

Now I try not to watch anything hardcore, just partially nude camgirls or whatever, while hiding in the washroom from the family. Rarely fap, which seems to help maintain my energy for lifting, work, home maintenance etc… And it really does help with your charisma and social energy around attractive women.

My trick to get by is to do all the fapping you want, edge like crazy and have those mini orgasms without ejaculating. If you can master this art, you will be full of high test energy, be hard as a rock 75% of the night and sloots seem to sense your sexual energy. Life is good.

Appreciate your input bro, is interesting to hear. I'd say that the addiction is to pron though so not ejaculating doesn't help, need to fully quit watching pron. Masturbating and ejaculating is fine tbh in moderation it's only pron that is fcking up the brain.

uhhh…. this has literally never happened to me.
Either nut or blue balls… don't know wtf a mini orgasm is

gonna have to disagree here

Since jan 2024, i've "gradually weaned" every addiction I had by 75%+

Fapping/porn
alcohol
chit diet
gaming

im about to jerk off to sybil and jason luv right now

Fair mate it does say it only doesn't work in most cases so assume it's possible to break it this way. But danger is when life gets stressful you will fall back into pron use (not gonna comment on the others as no idea what your use is + i've no real knowledge about them) as hard. I think cutting down works if you are not fully addicted, that is if you haven't had the physical brain changes. But if you have then you basically need to go cold turkey otherwise you are still reinforcing the same pathways.

Can't recommend enough reading YBOP. Know I keep banging on about it but the insight into the neurobiology of addiction has been invaluable to me. It's stopped me rationalising pron use, which has been a real danger for me.

enjoy brah

Basically, you're about to blow but hold off, so you feel a bit of the orgasm without actually spilling your seed. I think it's some kind of tantric $hit, but discovered the ability myself through trial and error.

The eventual eruption after doing it for days on end, is fkn ridiculous.

It's called edging brah, it's actually the worst thing you can do for addiction as your just bathing yourself in dopamine for longer. Used to do it all the time

Edit:
YBOP on edging:

Anyone wondering if they have a problem with pron should read this, see if you can relate:

That medical student sounds just like me 99% of the time tbh