I just ruined another fuking relationship with a beautiful fun chick. Yeah she wasn't perfect but there was alot of good things about us. You all understand how it feels to be so close to someone and then just lose them. All the good times just now memories, like a death but at least you both are still alive. But the people you became together are dead </3.

I ruined my relationship with her and just about every other X i had for the same reasons. What are those reasons you ask? I'll tell you. Low self-esteem. I know I'm not a bad looking dude. I worked on myself, probably cause i had low self-esteem (weightlifting, sliding genioplasty, saved my hair, beard max- beard isn't super long anymore cause i now have a face under it being post sliding genio) and became maybe high normie status to maybe a chad lite if the chick has a niche for me. How can i confirm this? I will go on dating apps, pay for unlimited swipes, swipe all the chicks in my area and get tons of matches. I am grateful for this ability because I am introverted af, probably an introvert cause of deep-rooted insecurities too.. I just don't always feel attractive or like a good person. It isn't only about attractiveness either. I think I say attractiveness in a way that seems superficial, but I also mean the way I feel about my self when i say attractive, regardless how my face may look, I don't feel good. I think alot of my low self esteem is rooted into feeling like i don't have enough money, I have no friends and I'm not fun enough, smart enough, have enough energy, and so on. When in a relationship, for those reasons I usually fear I will be left alone, not good enough, and I become toxically destructive.

For instance, my last gf would sometimes talk about boats and how wonderful it would to be on one. I would always just shoot down that idea cause i m not interested in the boat life. That is sport for the wealthy who sit on their boats all days and spend thousands, if not tens of thousands of dollars to enjoy that leisure. I don't want to make the financial commit for such thing. So instead of going along with it and seeing it at something that could be fun, I shoot it down aggressively. I also shoot down boating because this means i would have to hang out at Marina's, sand bars, and other places where there would be other well-off men and bring my women around them. I feel like I'd become man handled by those other men and my girl would leave me for the other guy. This might not be true, but I'd don't have the confidence to portray otherwise so I just avoid those situations. Same thing with something as simple as going out to eat. And i usually do take an X to go out to eat, but usually my mood is ruined by other people. I hate when we get a male waitress that is even a speck attractive. Why? because i feel threatened by it. Why do i feel threatened? because I don't feel good enough. Low self esteem. It ruins my mood and i become a dark cloud at the dinner table. If i get a female waitress my mood is usually way better and I don't become gloomy, but even then, I still feel the energy of other people in the room eating, and it can shut me down because of my low sense of worth in the social situation. I hope this makes sense.

I have no friends. Why don't I have any friends? Well most my friends are where I grew up. I moved thousands of miles away. I am to blame for not having friends though. I talk to my sisters on the phone everyday. I have a female friend who was a co worker from years ago. I talk to her sometimes. I tried to be friends with one of my neighbors, I'm about 8 years older than him and felt like we didn't connect, but I kept trying cause I wanted a buddy and I think i pushed him away. He moved now too. Sometimes i feel like maybe i creeped him out and that is why he moved? I honestly was just trying to bro him up and got rejected. It hurt my confidence in trying to make friends. I've had another dude come up to me in the gym and ask me a bunch of chit. I ended the convo like yeah maybe we come back and hit chest next week or some chit take down my number. We texted a few times to make plans he flaked both times. I know this other dude, from an old job, and happened to move about an hour away from me. We hung out a couple times and he seemed ok, I don't think we got along that well probably cause I suck. But he kept messaging me to hang out again, saying I should bring my girl to come and chill with him and his wife. He cheated on his wife a bunch of times, i didn't trust brining my hot af gf around him if he proved to be a sleeze ball to his own wife. Am i right for thinking this way? I have another best friend who lives thousands of miles away. Dude is so pussy whooped by a chick he hardly replies anymore. Good for him though. Then there is a misc, recently a few people have reached out to me to talk via pm, ty for that, it has helped. I know half the misc is just a bunch of feds or narcissists, but there are some good dudes on here.

I know I am pretty smart, probably above avg IQ if i were to guess. Did well in calculus and all that chit. I do work in IT in a computer science type arena and most the people I work with are probably avg IQ ++. After working with these people all the time, it can be hard to keep up, and you can feel like a dumb ass, especially when you don't know chit they know. But when I dig my feet into something I know I hold my own. I just do think working around a bunch of smart fuks after a while gets taxing. It's like running a race with a bunch of fast people and you need to always keep up. I think just some days my brain feels foggy, my mood exhausted and I just can't handle it. I also think what i mean here is accomplishments. Sure I make six figures, have a total net worth in the six figures, a masters degree, and so on. It's good, i know, but is it really that impressive for someone that is 37? Not really. I need to accomplish more, level up, but i don't have a direction other than grinding away at my current career. Which is fine, it just feels a bit stagnant although there is tons of work to do. I feel like my goals, in terms of accomplishments now, is to finish paying my house off, I don't owe a ton on it, especially this day an age. Pretty sure most of misc owes more on their brand new dually pick up trucks then I owe on my house. I really need to bunker in, stop spending money on stupid chit, and put more money towards my house and just pay it off. I don't want to invest. I don't care to. I just think I don't have any other goals. I have a good job, I want to make more money sure, but my job isn't that bad. I have a good degree that actually applies to something, not that much debt, etc. There isn't a business I want to open. So wtf, do i just be a cuk slave? I work remote and get bored AF. I just feel stagnant. The only thing I want in life now, that I don't have, is a stable relationship with a beautiful woman inside and out.

I don't know bros. I think I just have a deep-rooted depression that is rooted in a low self esteem. The low self esteem, sometimes negative thinking, is ruining my relationships. Believe me bros, i m not a chad, i dont get every chick I want. I do know, i eventually get a cute chick and I will eventually show my ugly insecurities and damage the relationship. Again, i usually do this by being in a bad mood. My bad mood isn't always because I am unhappy with her, but it could be. If she is a chick that likes to go out, disappear, not return calls, and so on, yeah I will become super insecure and become unattractive. But I do think there is a fine line of me needing to be a better person instead of looking at my partners traits of going out occasionally, or not returning calls within a couple hours, and using these reasons for excuses to become unattractive and smothering.

To try and be better. I just bought the book "feeling good; the new mood therapy". This book really discusses alot of my issues and was recommended on reddit. I google searched "my insecurities are ruinning my relationship" and found tons of people do the exact same thing I do. I'm not alone in how I feel and maybe some of you bros can relate? I do know i have some sort of low self esteem, confidence, depression, social anxiety issue. I also bought "Self mastery journal for men". It is a guided journal where every day you just write answers to questions the journal asks. I ll see how that goes. I also bought the book "moby dick". You can read this book not so much as the adventure, but as a story of self improvement and facing things in life and overcoming them as you get destroyed type of thing.

my total test was 800 on my last physical. I know my test is ok, its my mind.

He should be blasting steroids. Everyone should.

my natural test is around 800, i m 208lbs at 12%bf, vascular af, i dont need anymore muscle, i m content (22 body weight pulls dead hang chin over the bar, squat 405 x 3 reps, bench 315 x 3 reps, standing OHP 185 x 6, back rows from floor with cheating form 315 x8). I've been naturally weightlifting for almost 21 years now. Please read my OP and give some real feedback. If anything going on test, tren, etc would put me on high risk for elevating my depression and make me worse/more unstable mentally.

imagine thinking im gonna read your dear diary post

low test cuck

everything you discussed stems from heavy insecurities boyo.

you possess enough self-awareness to know what's afflicting you and your relationships - now the difficult part is altering your behaviors going forward.

much easier said than done. trust me, I know.

unfortunately, this far down the line I believe it's incredibly difficult to change default defense mechanisms that arise due to insecurity at almost 40 years old. However, with enough work and keeping the fact in the forefront of your mind that you MUST change, or you will suffer for the rest of your life and WILL actually die alone if you don't achieve this change in behavior, I think you could get to place that's much better than the current state

ok real advice, sounds to me like you are missing some kind of a higher purpose to your life (inner purpose, not talking about materialism or your career goals). and that's why you are trying to find happiness in others - relationships f.e.

for your self sabotaging ways which come from overthinking and overanalyzing actions, I suggest you read Eckhart Tolles books.. could be a life changer.

Everything you described sounds like symptoms of mild autism/aspie srs.

No friends

Difficulty in relationships

Low self esteem

Good at calculus/math

Works in IT

Feelings of isolation like nobody understands you and you don't understand anyone

Take this quiz

https://www.clinical-partners.co.uk/...lt-autism-test

I agree with Mr Yamamoto, you are likely missing a higher purpose or calling. Sure, career and being financially secure is great but what other interests do you have than working out (cause that's all I can get from your post)? I feel a "higher purpose" doesn't have to be anything noble, profitable or grand, merely something that brings you joy, can be worked on, and cherished. For some, this is career, for others, kids, and others again, something that others may not value so much, like playing music, fishing, or working with their hands at something. For me, maintaining a high level of fitness and spending time in nature allows me to recharge from my stressful job, and fixing various things keeps me very happy. I work with people of all ages, some in their 70's, and by far the happiest are those that find time to get outside and work/enjoy something that doesn't depend so much on others and continue to do that their whole life.

When I'm happy, I have no trouble meeting guys/girls, and am confident to meet the right ones and leave those that I know won't work out. You don't need many people in your life.

I'm a similar age to you, have had many relationships, however, most short-term/casual and no regrets about those not progressing. Only a few I've let go or been rejected that I feel sad about. If you want someone who'll answer their phone, then find them- lets not act like 99% of people their phone is looked at every 5 min whenever they're awake. You're old enough to know what you want on a basic level like that and it's not really "uncompromising" with simple chit like that. As for meeting friends, it definitely gets harder with age but I think that's mostly down to commitments and that most peoples large groups of "friends" are really little more than acquaintances when it comes down to it.

LMK what you think… maybe I'm just delirious cause it's middle of the night here

read it

ok which book by eckhart exactly? i ll buy it right now.

yeah i m missing something. maybe i should have had a family/kids at this point of my life and that is the void? I always felt the void, even as a teenager, and i tried to fill it with other people. Plenty of times I got rejected and it made the void worse.

People have accused me of being autistic before. I just think i m introvert/low self esteem/socially awkward at times, not always.

Here is the result:
Based on your answers,

you experience very few signs of autism and are probably not autistic.

10

what advice do you have in making a long term change that sticks? do you experience something similar?

I do wonder about this.

At 25, I was with a girl who I thought I'd like to have kids with. We went our separate ways cause I started another career and our lives were just too different. Since then though, I've been so busy and now I've settled down in another relationship in my mid 30's (with a 25yo) but I'm not so sure that kids are such a great idea. Maybe it's the perspective that being 10 or so years older brings…

If you're unhappy now (or have only just sort of reached some semblance of balance like I have), it could be harder if you are giving a lot of your energy outside of work to a child and then consequently working for longer to make the money so you can afford to give that kid a start in what's becoming an increasingly expensive/difficult environment. Children involve a large amount of self-sacrifice (and rightly so). I interact professionally and casually with a lot of men (particularly men) that are clearly distressed/depressed with the stress that raising children and seemingly resultant unhappy relationships bring. Of course, they are then stuck in a very difficult situation with no clear exit. Perhaps this speaks more to making sure you have the right partner but you can't really choose the personality/issues of any offspring and the stress that will place on the relationship and you have to be prepared to come second after your kid (in terms of time spent on yourself, your partner's energy etc).

Assuming this is a srs thread:

1. OP, that you recognize your low self-esteem is key. Many folks confuse self-esteem with self-confidence. See, self-confidence lets you do well in things like calculus, but self-esteem is the core aspect of who you are;
2. And low self-esteem, as an adult, is likely a cause of trauma that you may not yourself recognize as 'trauma'. E.g., some folks go through life ruining every romantic relationship they have because their parents fought; or their parents beat them; or their parents divorced.
3. I'd recommend you read "The Body Keeps the Score" - I'll buy you a copy if you want.

You have to be willing to work on yourself a bit, and dig deeper, but it's worth it. Life doesn't have to continue to be this way for you, unless you choose to let it continue in the way you described.

Aren't you that guy who got the double jaw surgery?

Anyways. If you know what the problem is, why not just not do the things that cause those issues.

I always tell young people I'm mentoring to take a step back and think about what they're gonna say or do. This does two things, it stops you from blurting stupid shyt out, and people think that someone who is slow and deliberate to respond knows what they're doing.

so your ex is getting dicked down by boat chads and your neighbor thinks youre gay hitting on him.

working out for sure is on the top of the list. I think the other thing that brings me joy is spending time with my partner, which was most recently my X. It was at those moments when we were together, often just laying down or something simple, that i felt bliss. i felt purpose. Even when she spent a few days here, while I was working from home, just having her around the house I felt a warm feeling. Usually when i m home by myself I feel this raw, anxious, void, uneasy open feeling that is uncomfortable. When she was here, i usually felt more secure, less anxious, etc. I like to fix things with my hands. I work on my cars all the time and do chit around the house, take care of my roses and plants. we for sure have some stuff in common. I just need another purpose man, and for me, unfortunately, it has always been to seek out another person to fill the void. I was never able to fill the void completly myself. I m not designed to be alone, and don't do well alone for too long. Do i need to face that? stay single and be alone until I can close that void? or keep filling it by finding a good partner?


yeah kids would be alot of work. I m not running out to have any either, believe me, we are on the same page. but i think the only pro of having kids is that it might help to fill a "void" in ones life. People with kids often complain but at the same type they are getting a fulfillment hard to explain that makes it worth it at the end of the day.

That's funny OP because I just ruined another fuking relationship with a beautiful fun chick. Yeah she wasn't perfect but there was alot of good things about us. You all understand how it feels to be so close to someone and then just lose them. All the good times just now memories, like a death but at least you both are still alive. But the people you became together are dead </3.

I ruined my relationship with her and just about every other X i had for the same reasons. What are those reasons you ask? I'll tell you. Low self-esteem. I know I'm not a bad looking dude. I worked on myself, probably cause i had low self-esteem (weightlifting, sliding genioplasty, saved my hair, beard max- beard isn't super long anymore cause i now have a face under it being post sliding genio) and became maybe high normie status to maybe a chad lite if the chick has a niche for me. How can i confirm this? I will go on dating apps, pay for unlimited swipes, swipe all the chicks in my area and get tons of matches. I am grateful for this ability because I am introverted af, probably an introvert cause of deep-rooted insecurities too.. I just don't always feel attractive or like a good person. It isn't only about attractiveness either. I think I say attractiveness in a way that seems superficial, but I also mean the way I feel about my self when i say attractive, regardless how my face may look, I don't feel good. I think alot of my low self esteem is rooted into feeling like i don't have enough money, I have no friends and I'm not fun enough, smart enough, have enough energy, and so on. When in a relationship, for those reasons I usually fear I will be left alone, not good enough, and I become toxically destructive.

For instance, my last gf would sometimes talk about boats and how wonderful it would to be on one. I would always just shoot down that idea cause i m not interested in the boat life. That is sport for the wealthy who sit on their boats all days and spend thousands, if not tens of thousands of dollars to enjoy that leisure. I don't want to make the financial commit for such thing. So instead of going along with it and seeing it at something that could be fun, I shoot it down aggressively. I also shoot down boating because this means i would have to hang out at Marina's, sand bars, and other places where there would be other well-off men and bring my women around them. I feel like I'd become man handled by those other men and my girl would leave me for the other guy. This might not be true, but I'd don't have the confidence to portray otherwise so I just avoid those situations. Same thing with something as simple as going out to eat. And i usually do take an X to go out to eat, but usually my mood is ruined by other people. I hate when we get a male waitress that is even a speck attractive. Why? because i feel threatened by it. Why do i feel threatened? because I don't feel good enough. Low self esteem. It ruins my mood and i become a dark cloud at the dinner table. If i get a female waitress my mood is usually way better and I don't become gloomy, but even then, I still feel the energy of other people in the room eating, and it can shut me down because of my low sense of worth in the social situation. I hope this makes sense.

I have no friends. Why don't I have any friends? Well most my friends are where I grew up. I moved thousands of miles away. I am to blame for not having friends though. I talk to my sisters on the phone everyday. I have a female friend who was a co worker from years ago. I talk to her sometimes. I tried to be friends with one of my neighbors, I'm about 8 years older than him and felt like we didn't connect, but I kept trying cause I wanted a buddy and I think i pushed him away. He moved now too. Sometimes i feel like maybe i creeped him out and that is why he moved? I honestly was just trying to bro him up and got rejected. It hurt my confidence in trying to make friends. I've had another dude come up to me in the gym and ask me a bunch of chit. I ended the convo like yeah maybe we come back and hit chest next week or some chit take down my number. We texted a few times to make plans he flaked both times. I know this other dude, from an old job, and happened to move about an hour away from me. We hung out a couple times and he seemed ok, I don't think we got along that well probably cause I suck. But he kept messaging me to hang out again, saying I should bring my girl to come and chill with him and his wife. He cheated on his wife a bunch of times, i didn't trust brining my hot af gf around him if he proved to be a sleeze ball to his own wife. Am i right for thinking this way? I have another best friend who lives thousands of miles away. Dude is so pussy whooped by a chick he hardly replies anymore. Good for him though. Then there is a misc, recently a few people have reached out to me to talk via pm, ty for that, it has helped. I know half the misc is just a bunch of feds or narcissists, but there are some good dudes on here.

I know I am pretty smart, probably above avg IQ if i were to guess. Did well in calculus and all that chit. I do work in IT in a computer science type arena and most the people I work with are probably avg IQ ++. After working with these people all the time, it can be hard to keep up, and you can feel like a dumb ass, especially when you don't know chit they know. But when I dig my feet into something I know I hold my own. I just do think working around a bunch of smart fuks after a while gets taxing. It's like running a race with a bunch of fast people and you need to always keep up. I think just some days my brain feels foggy, my mood exhausted and I just can't handle it. I also think what i mean here is accomplishments. Sure I make six figures, have a total net worth in the six figures, a masters degree, and so on. It's good, i know, but is it really that impressive for someone that is 37? Not really. I need to accomplish more, level up, but i don't have a direction other than grinding away at my current career. Which is fine, it just feels a bit stagnant although there is tons of work to do. I feel like my goals, in terms of accomplishments now, is to finish paying my house off, I don't owe a ton on it, especially this day an age. Pretty sure most of misc owes more on their brand new dually pick up trucks then I owe on my house. I really need to bunker in, stop spending money on stupid chit, and put more money towards my house and just pay it off. I don't want to invest. I don't care to. I just think I don't have any other goals. I have a good job, I want to make more money sure, but my job isn't that bad. I have a good degree that actually applies to something, not that much debt, etc. There isn't a business I want to open. So wtf, do i just be a cuk slave? I work remote and get bored AF. I just feel stagnant. The only thing I want in life now, that I don't have, is a stable relationship with a beautiful woman inside and out.

I don't know bros. I think I just have a deep-rooted depression that is rooted in a low self esteem. The low self esteem, sometimes negative thinking, is ruining my relationships. Believe me bros, i m not a chad, i dont get every chick I want. I do know, i eventually get a cute chick and I will eventually show my ugly insecurities and damage the relationship. Again, i usually do this by being in a bad mood. My bad mood isn't always because I am unhappy with her, but it could be. If she is a chick that likes to go out, disappear, not return calls, and so on, yeah I will become super insecure and become unattractive. But I do think there is a fine line of me needing to be a better person instead of looking at my partners traits of going out occasionally, or not returning calls within a couple hours, and using these reasons for excuses to become unattractive and smothering.

To try and be better. I just bought the book "feeling good; the new mood therapy". This book really discusses alot of my issues and was recommended on reddit. I google searched "my insecurities are ruinning my relationship" and found tons of people do the exact same thing I do. I'm not alone in how I feel and maybe some of you bros can relate? I do know i have some sort of low self esteem, confidence, depression, social anxiety issue. I also bought "Self mastery journal for men". It is a guided journal where every day you just write answers to questions the journal asks. I ll see how that goes. I also bought the book "moby dick". You can read this book not so much as the adventure, but as a story of self improvement and facing things in life and overcoming them as you get destroyed type of thing.

Hold up hold up, did miscers actually read that novel? Lmao bored must you be

I don't think i have the worse confidence per say, but yeah self esteem. that is a good point you made and something worth thinking about. Self esteem vs self confidence.

yeah my parents divorced when I was like 5. I just ordered the book off of amazon, ty for the recommendation.

there was another guy here getting a DJS. I got a sliding genio which is a type of jaw surgery, but technically more of a chin.

good point why not just do it. Well this is the best I can explain it. Say i call a chick 4 hours ago and I know she is out to eat with a bunch of other sloots. If i don't hear anything back soon, i start to get anxious and insecure and imagine things in my head that are probably not happening. Thinks like a bunch of chads are hitting her up at the bar or something. the feeling gets worse and worse and time goes on and I need to hear something from her like a little bitch. I need validtion from her that everything is ok. I can't go on about my life without the relief that she is home from it or some chit like that. I would say it is some sort of insecurity that makes you feel super anxious until there is some sort of relief from it. Ultimately, I really dont like chicks that need to go out anywhere, but the reason for that is my own insecurities and the fact that so many women are whores. I want to focus more so on being secure, so that when I do find a good woman, i dont ruin it by being insecure when she is actually innocent. Hope that makes sense.

Great thing about being a human adult of at least average intelligence, you can override your feelings and emotions. Try repeating "don't be a fàggot" to yourself over and over when you start to feel insecure. You know it's in your mind, so drown it out and go do something productive to take your mind off your insecurity.

This is literally how I get myself to go do cardio, which I hate. I repeat "gotta go do cardio" in my mind over and over until I get it done.

just read it man. its legit. tell me if you ever feel the same way too>??


you have a point. It kind of goes with the idea of forcing yourself to think positive and then you will eventually feel positive and then positive things come your way. Ultimately you are right, i have to control my thoughts and emotion. very good point. I am good at controling my thoughts about other things, just when it comes to relationships, I often fail hard.

op,

"The Power of Now" and "A New Earth". you can thank me later.

Ok I just spent way too much on books I added those to my cart so when I finish the other books I have.


I m going on a date with another chick tonight. I don’t feel positive about doing it but I need to keep my mind off of stuff

Not reading all that. You probably talk too much (srs).

You seem self-absorbed. just chill homie

Perhaps you should try men probably a better fit lol

misc

Holy chit, OP.


You know calculus?


I don't know calculus

OP, can you teach me calculus?

5 Signs that You Need Therapy! | Kati Morton

Legit recommendations and good to see the misc still has some legit bros (among the others that are admittedly bringing the lols ITT).

I don't think there's anything wrong with feeing a higher level of satisfaction with having a partner around and if that's what makes you tick, then you should go for it- I certainly enjoy company with intimate partners (even in a non-intimate context).

I think perhaps the other side of that coin is finding fulfillment in platonic relationships as well. You've got some solid interests which I'm sure lots of people share, and I'm always interested to see older men and women who's partners have passed on and no-doubt left a hole, but those individuals maintain their interests and other connections and remain happy and healthy. I've seen family be both a positive, and negative for these sort of cases.

I share your view on kids- they may well fill a void, but it's a huge gamble to take if that's a big part of the reason you're having them. People often complain and part of that is they can't change their situation easily once kids are in the picture (while remaining a responsible adult).

It sounds cliche but communicationa and certain personality traits sound important to you in a partner. You're old enough to wait to find the right one but in the meantime, have some open (up-front with intentions) fun with others in the meantime- you never know what might come of it.