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» Got removed from wedding party. Thoughts ?
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post 1577193631 04-02-2019, 12:54 PM
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Originally Posted By Ochosiete
Was in a similar situation (srs)

-I was talked to about being a groomsmen
- wedding is being arranged and I sorta just didn't hear about being a groomsmen anymore
- I'm relief, I don't mind attending, don't care for being part of the show

Ironically marriage lasted 2 years lol ....
Forgot to add, you said you moved out of state, you can easily think of a reason to bail, not like you're going to run into them at Walmart
post 1577193651 04-02-2019, 12:54 PM
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Go to the wedding and get blind drunk and get physically removed from the wedding.
post 1577193861 04-02-2019, 12:57 PM
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Originally Posted By Cheeky*******
I get how you feel mane. I had a friend since I was 6 years old never even ask me if I wanted to be in his wedding, and since then hasn't spoken more than 10 words to me. I dont understand how ppl can be such chit friends.
. Sane. My best friend in the world didn’t ask me. But he never asked and took it back so I went and enjoyed it. And I 100% knew it was his snob fiancé
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post 1577194121 04-02-2019, 01:00 PM
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Originally Posted By BOZZ
Lol at your friend. Yes his (unt of a future wife is behind it, but really? You over invite, push the wedding back and then MONTHS later figure out you have too many groomsmen? **** that. Men don't pick how many groomsmen they have it entirely depends on how many bridesmaids she has.
I know. They just don’t want me and idk why. Literally my entire group of best friends are in besides me it will be so awkward. And 4/7 of us also moved away and I’m the closest to him of our whole group.
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post 1577195401 04-02-2019, 01:14 PM
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You should show up to the wedding and just poop on the floor right where the bride and groom are standing during the ceremony in front of everyone. Then step on it and smudge it all around
27/3/2019
post 1577195531 04-02-2019, 01:16 PM
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Originally Posted By stardewvalley
So to clarify:

you were asked to be a member of the wedding party, that is a groomsmen
now he met up with you and pretty much said said you're out

you still invited to the reception, but not a member of the party itself

is that right?

if he's a good friend to you then that would hurt, no doubt
if you're petty then pay that back by not showing up
if you're magnanimous then show up, have fun, celebrate his life
one decision focuses on you, the other focuses on other people; not sure which one is better, just different priorities for you different people

good luck with the butt hurt in either scenario
great post.

he probably isnt going to notice OP if he was there anyways.
post 1577196151 04-02-2019, 01:24 PM
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As expected, OP wasn't actually looking for advice. Just looking for people to validate his emotional state and emotional decision.
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post 1577196471 04-02-2019, 01:29 PM
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I know something like that would sting but by understanding HIS situation and still going to support him would be showing what a true friend is.
post 1577196721 04-02-2019, 01:33 PM
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Originally Posted By DetectiveBeard
i don't get it... so you're still invited but uninvited? Do you even English?
Invited to the pre after wedding but before the best man after the bachelor party. That’s without his other friend but not outside the church.

What are you, stupid or something ?
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post 1577197291 04-02-2019, 01:39 PM
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Originally Posted By Frank
I know something like that would sting but by understanding HIS situation and still going to support him would be showing what a true friend is.
This.

It's a hard one, but if you can make it I would go.
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post 1577199141 04-02-2019, 02:04 PM
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I dislike how he indirectly told you that you were no longer a part of the party. He should've said:

"Hey man. I'm really sorry but plans have changed and we're now having less people a part of the wedding party than originally thought. I feel horrible but I no longer have room for you to be a groomsman. I hope you understand and know you're still an important friend to me."

He's either whipped or a flake for handling it the way he did.
If I still genuinely felt like we had a friendship that was mutually important and beneficial to us both I'd talk about it with him and let him know how he made you feel unimportant by the way it was handled. Depending on how that convo goes I'd how much effort to put into the friendship moving forward (& whether or not to attend the wedding festivities).
post 1577199491 04-02-2019, 02:07 PM
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I would have a heart to heart with him but on the other hand people do grow apart.

I know if you were one of my boys I would have you there no matter what
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post 1577199881 04-02-2019, 02:12 PM
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I'm 50/50, that's super lame he did it... maybe just go and be like wtf maaaaate lol
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post 1577199971 04-02-2019, 02:13 PM
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Originally Posted By bf527365
I’m assuming you’re not from USA. Here there is wedding party’s. Groomsmen. The groom picks his best friends to be in the wedding party. It’s a big deal. All of my best friends are in and he kicked me out but I’m still invited to the wedding as a normal guest
Nah, the wording in your original post is confusing. So he kicked you out of the wedding party, but you are still invited to the wedding. You are butthurt by it. Don't go.
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post 1577201001 04-02-2019, 02:25 PM
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Wow that’s crazy because I’m from New York. I moved to another state about 7 years ago and all my best friends stayed behind.but we still keep in touch. One of best friends, who I’ve known since I was 16(30 now) called me last year and said hey man I’m getting married and I want you to be in my wedding party, do you want to be one of my best men?. I said of course man! I never heard anything again and the weeeing got pushed back to June of next year.i just assumed I was obv still in the wedding party since I was already asked. He was on business where I live and we met up for dinner. Anyway he was talking about the wedding and said I know you will be cool with sitting while the wedding goes in ( his way of saying not being in I guess)”I invited too many people” , I invited(one of his new friends ) a while ago and they still remembered I invited him so I have to have them. All while he invited me too? He never just said. Hey man I know I invited you but I have too many people. Either way it’s strange as I am one of his best friends. What would you do in this situation. I’m planning on ending my friendship with him and not going to the wedding.
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post 1577201551 04-02-2019, 02:33 PM
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I'd kick you out of the wedding party for not even writing proper sentences or paragraphs.

You need to elaborate OP:
1) Were you asked to be the best man, or the groomsman? (two different things)
2) Are you now not invited to the wedding altogether?
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post 1577201641 04-02-2019, 02:35 PM
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Save yourself of the hassle of getting dressed up and spending $$ on gift... WIN
post 1577202341 04-02-2019, 02:45 PM
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OP... you sound like a person that hasn't been apart of many weddings. Chill out and just drink a bunch of free booze. I've been in over a dozen weddings... it aint all that its cracked up to be. Worry about some chit that matters like banging one of the brides maids.
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post 1577202371 04-02-2019, 02:45 PM
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Not sure I completely understand the situation. I was away from my best friends for 6 years, it certainly had an effect. Although I got invited to two weddings, one to be best man, and had to refuse to attend both times. Didn't go down particularly well but time has healed those slights (and they were for good reasons).

What's strange is inviting you then uninviting you. Or is it just that you're not a groomsman? Either way you'll feel awkward when you're there if you have any sort of pride or self worth.

I'd assess the friendship and decide from there. Do you even see these friends anymore? If not, then what does it matter if you don't go? He probably doesn't want to you go anyway because he'll find it awkward.
post 1577202611 04-02-2019, 02:48 PM
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Originally Posted By skinnyfat88
I dislike how he indirectly told you that you were no longer a part of the party. He should've said:

"Hey man. I'm really sorry but plans have changed and we're now having less people a part of the wedding party than originally thought. I feel horrible but I no longer have room for you to be a groomsman. I hope you understand and know you're still an important friend to me."

He's either whipped or a flake for handling it the way he did.
If I still genuinely felt like we had a friendship that was mutually important and beneficial to us both I'd talk about it with him and let him know how he made you feel unimportant by the way it was handled. Depending on how that convo goes I'd how much effort to put into the friendship moving forward (& whether or not to attend the wedding festivities).
This man. Idk. I guess it’s hard to describe like our group has really strong friendships. Everyone’s invited but me. Even a few of the friends in our group not as close as him and I.
Hey
post 1577202721 04-02-2019, 02:50 PM
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He invited my to be a groomsmen. Recently told me I’m not in it but still obv invited to the wedding. I’ll be the only one if the best friends from our hometown not in it. He said “sorry I invited someone a long time ago and he still remembers so I have to”
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post 1577202871 04-02-2019, 02:52 PM
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OP, after reading everyone's comments and updates in this thread (you didn't make it clear), let me answer with the following; and also provide experience.

1) If he asked to reduce the wedding size and you are no longer part of it - go to the wedding to support him.
Reason: Weddings are a lot of stress, and he may have made a predetermined decision when he picked you, but may have changed his mind.

2) If he replaced you in the wedding with someone else - I'd feel upset going, and may just not go.
Reason: This depends on your friendship with him. Him asking you to join, and then kick you out would be pretty hurtful.

Basically - if he reduced the size, then I don't see an issue with it. If he just replaced you, I'd be upset.

Experience:
I got married. My wedding party was the best man + 4 groomsman. I was fine to just have 3 groomsman, but my wife really wanted to have these two friends. She couldn't decide between the two, so I told her to take both because I already knew of someone else I wanted to pick anyway. I didn't want to have a big wedding party, because when you have to help them get things we take care of the costs.

If my wife just wanted a maid of honour, I'd also be fine to just have a best man. I was very indifferent about this stuff.

Now...I had picked my friend and told him he's in the wedding party, and then my wife turn around and say "i only want 3 bridesmaids, not 4" (so we have matching numbers) I would tell her to find someone else because I wouldn't kick him out. That's just me.
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post 1577203131 04-02-2019, 02:55 PM
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If this dude is your "best friend" (what grown man makes these titles btw?) then you should be able to check him right then and there. If your relationship is so weak that you have to pussyfoot around the issues, then maybe you are not as tight as you thought (its a two way street)
post 1577203641 04-02-2019, 03:02 PM
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Originally Posted By GravityLee
This exact situation happened with a guy i considered my best friend. It was 100% his fiancee thatdid it. Women are very petty about stuff like this.
Sounds like you have a little biotch for a best friend. If my wife tried to pull this she would get checked.
post 1577203811 04-02-2019, 03:05 PM
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OP you sound like you are heavily influenced by your emotions

Don’t go because you’ll be too wrapped up in this and you won’t enjoy yourself plus it will show you are not having a good time and it will make you look bad

You don’t even live in the same state as these people so just bail and move on , it was wrong for them to remove you after asking so it’s all on them

Get over it
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post 1577203841 04-02-2019, 03:05 PM
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Originally Posted By Bracket199
OP, after reading everyone's comments and updates in this thread (you didn't make it clear), let me answer with the following; and also provide experience.

1) If he asked to reduce the wedding size and you are no longer part of it - go to the wedding to support him.
Reason: Weddings are a lot of stress, and he may have made a predetermined decision when he picked you, but may have changed his mind.

2) If he replaced you in the wedding with someone else - I'd feel upset going, and may just not go.
Reason: This depends on your friendship with him. Him asking you to join, and then kick you out would be pretty hurtful.

Basically - if he reduced the size, then I don't see an issue with it. If he just replaced you, I'd be upset.

Experience:
I got married. My wedding party was the best man + 4 groomsman. I was fine to just have 3 groomsman, but my wife really wanted to have these two friends. She couldn't decide between the two, so I told her to take both because I already knew of someone else I wanted to pick anyway. I didn't want to have a big wedding party, because when you have to help them get things we take care of the costs.

If my wife just wanted a maid of honour, I'd also be fine to just have a best man. I was very indifferent about this stuff.

Now...I had picked my friend and told him he's in the wedding party, and then my wife turn around and say "i only want 3 bridesmaids, not 4" (so we have matching numbers) I would tell her to find someone else because I wouldn't kick him out. That's just me.
No he did not reduce the size. He basically kicked me out and now one of these kids hes known maybe 2 years tops is in. Maybe more who knows that’s all he said to me. I supported him through jail. Wrote him letters when everyone gave up on him. It’s just hurtful I don’t get it and wasn’t sure if I was overreacting or not.
Hey
post 1577204331 04-02-2019, 03:12 PM
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Originally Posted By bf527365
No he did not reduce the size. He basically kicked me out and now one of these kids hes known maybe 2 years tops is in. Maybe more who knows that’s all he said to me. I supported him through jail. Wrote him letters when everyone gave up on him. It’s just hurtful I don’t get it and wasn’t sure if I was overreacting or not.
Going back to your original post, let's start a timeline:

1) He contacted you last year to be in his wedding party to be his groomsman (judging by this post)
2) He decided to rescind his invitation of you being in the wedding party, for someone else. But you're still invited to the wedding?
3) According to you - he may have known this person for approximately two (2) years

Assuming the timeline fits, then he may have met this guy through his wife's friend - probably through double-dating as a couple. This would have happened right around the time he asked you, while he was still hanging out with them and became close. At that point, his future wife probably convinced him to drop you and pick this guy up instead.

Do you know the wife at all? Does she like you? She may have convinced him if she knows this other guy would be a perfect match for her bridesmaid, since they are already together.


At this point, I'd just not go. I'd feel hurt to be replaced. At least a reduction in wedding party I can understand. I'd also agree with the guy above and straight up ask him why you were kicked out. His answer so far seems very timid like he didn't even give you much to understand his reasoning.
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post 1577204691 04-02-2019, 03:18 PM
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Originally Posted By sammywatkins
Go for the free food but don’t bring a gift
This, but also start a fight with him and/or his new friend
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post 1577205031 04-02-2019, 03:22 PM
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Everyone saying free food lol. Do you not know you have to give at least 100$( if you’re cheap) when you go to a wedding ? It’s not free you pay for your plate.
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post 1577205121 04-02-2019, 03:23 PM
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Originally Posted By Bracket199
Going back to your original post, let's start a timeline:

1) He contacted you last year to be in his wedding party to be his groomsman (judging by this post)
2) He decided to rescind his invitation of you being in the wedding party, for someone else. But you're still invited to the wedding?
3) According to you - he may have known this person for approximately two (2) years

Assuming the timeline fits, then he may have met this guy through his wife's friend - probably through double-dating as a couple. This would have happened right around the time he asked you, while he was still hanging out with them and became close. At that point, his future wife probably convinced him to drop you and pick this guy up instead.

Do you know the wife at all? Does she like you? She may have convinced him if she knows this other guy would be a perfect match for her bridesmaid, since they are already together.


At this point, I'd just not go. I'd feel hurt to be replaced. At least a reduction in wedding party I can understand. I'd also agree with the guy above and straight up ask him why you were kicked out. His answer so far seems very timid like he didn't even give you much to understand his reasoning.
Spot on. Just wanted to make sure I wasn’t overreacting. I know if I had a wedding he would be in the party no questions asked.
Hey
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