Lonely checking in - at least I have all this time to workout & all these books for knowledge??

that'sthat.jpg

100% introvert on myers-briggs crew.

i'm safe from this horrendous "loneliness epidemic" that everyone is speaking of.

All that you are describing is depression. Continue with professional help for this, a discussion forum will only enable your issues.

Only read 1st page but completely disagree u can be alone and not lonely i mean think of ppl like tesla they were alone yet lived lives altering the course of history and if you cant live alone or be alone i think u have an irrational fear of loneliness just my 2 cents

Yes, that and people have to take risks. And they will get rejected and it will suck big time but without those risks there will be no relationships. The more risks, the more rewards (just deal with the rejection and keep going).

Loneliness is killing me slowly. I really wish I could just ****ing die.

I wish I had something more constructive and informative to say but phuck it.

I feel like im in a support group for loneliness.

First I just want to say, I hope I don't come across as a trying to be a 'guru' by trying to give you advice. I'm a flawed person who has spent time and money trying to be less flawed. So I'm just passing on perspectives and practices that I hope can help. And you said you are a father,
and want to be intimate more with your family, so I'll thought I'd chip in with some advice. That being said...

I found it really interesting that you said that you had loving parents, was popular in school, had no problem with women, but are scared of intimacy.

Are you comfortable with the feeling of vulnerability? I think that vulnerability and intimacy are inseparably linked. Brene Brown defines vulnerability as the experience of uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure...



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Quh_AznMVM

In my experience and research, a common thing that we males do is physically tense (the abdomen and necks/traps are common major places to hold tension, to numb feelings) - and immediately go into intellectual/problem solving mode - whenever we feel vulnerability.

IMO and IME getting comfortable with vulnerability is a skill, based in finding your own way of being comfortable with 'softness' or letting down the intellectual and ****tic armour. (One of the things I like about Taoist thought is the idea that extremes are best avoided... Too much gentleness will make you a push over and you won't know how to handle hardness, and too much toughness will make you 'untouchable' and you won't know how to handle softness.)

A concrete practices can be journaling/speaking into a recorder/drawing, etc, a few times a week about experiences of vulnerability. Or speaking to someone once a week or so about experiences of vulnerability.

(Note: 'forcing' yourself to be vulnerable, is antithetical to the attitude of gentleness required for vulnerability. So if you begin to feel to uncomfortable, you can go back to your old 'distractions' or numbing techniques. Scott Sonnon has saying that I apply to practices for healing physical and psychological issues.. "Go to the tension, not through the tension" IME after a while the tension - psychological or physical begins to effortless melt. The 'plow through' attitude, is bad for developing comfort with vulnerability and intimacy.)Props for getting rid of your status obsessed social circle.

Regarding the 'me first' attitude... I'm an expert in that. :-)

I can share with you a deceptively simple practice that has made me a lot less self-absorbed...

Theory.

Our thoughts can create sentiments/feelings. How we habitually use our imagination, and our internal dialogue, can literally change our values and focus in life. And the more we practice habits of thought, the stronger our values and focus becomes...By analogy, it's just like lifting.

(That is pretty much the foundation of sports psychology, hypnotherapy and Cognitive behavioural therapy.)

In order to develop empathetic joy and benevolence, we need to practice using our imagination and/or internal dialogue in a way that develops those already present sentiments.

Practice.

In regards to your family...

You can either use the word pattern: "I hope" if your are secular, or "I pray" If you are a theist.

When you wake up, and before you go to sleep (I literally do it lying in bed). In your mind say, whilst 'getting in touch with the feeling' or imagining what your are saying in your mind's eye...

I hope/pray that my son/GF experiences love.

I hope/pray that my son/GF experiences safety.

I hope/pray that my son/GF experiences good health.

I hope/pray that my son/GF experiences (XYZ value that you hold).

(You can add more, and you can also change whatever values you wish for them to experience.)


Then do another round change the beginning of the sentences to...

I hope/pray that I experience...


Then do another round change the beginning of the sentences to...

I hope/pray that we experience...


So 3 or 4 rounds, morning and at night. That's literally it. After a few weeks, IME you'll start seeing the effect.


If tender feelings surface when you do it enough (which they will), you can practice being comfortable with vulnerability.

I can't stress enough how deceptively simple the practice it, but it works. to get you to care more about others well being, and wanting to be a part of creating/maintaining it.

(Note: Variations of this practice is the part of every major religious tradition that I've come across. Unfortunately though, it's not the most emphasized practtice, IME.)

Sorry to read you're feeling so low.

Are you getting professional help brah?

Things can change. Even in the study in the OP it says that people who were 'train wrecks' in their 20s grew to become happy and healthier later in life.

For all lonely people subbed.

When I was going through a really lonely and distrusting period, interacting with people on this website helped me a ton...

https://tinychat.com/

I've seen some crazy chit on there, and met some one-of-a-kind characters too.

[QUOTE=BetaAsPhuck post_id=1513100441][i]First I just want to say, I hope I don't come across as a trying to be a 'guru' by trying to give you advice. I'm a flawed person who has spent time and money trying to be less flawed. So I'm just passing on perspectives and practices that I hope can help. And you said you are a father,
and want to be intimate more with your family, so I'll thought I'd chip in with some advice. That being said...[/i]

I found it really interesting that you said that you had loving parents, was popular in school, had no problem with women, but are scared of intimacy.

Are you comfortable with the feeling of vulnerability? I think that vulnerability and intimacy are inseparably linked. Brene Brown defines vulnerability as the experience of uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure...

[youtube]3Quh_AznMVM[/youtu

[url]https://www.youtube.com/watc?v=3Quh_AznMVM[

In my experience and research, a common thing that we males do is physically tense (the abdomen and necks/traps are common major places to hold tension, to numb feelings) - and immediately go into intellectual/problem solving mode - whenever we feel vulnerability.

IMO and IME getting comfortable with vulnerability is a skill, based in finding your own way of being comfortable with 'softness' or letting down the intellectual and ****tic armour. (One of the things I like about Taoist thought is the idea that extremes are best avoided... Too much gentleness will make you a push over and you won't know how to handle hardness, and too much toughness will make you 'untouchable' and you won't know how to handle softness.)

[b]A concrete practices can be journaling/speaking into a recorder/drawing, etc, a few times a week about experiences of vulnerability. Or speaking to someone once a week or so about experiences of vulnerability.[/b]

[i](Note: 'forcing' yourself to be vulnerable, is antithetical to the attitude of gentleness required for vulnerability. So if you begin to feel to uncomfortable, you can go back to your old 'distractions' or numbing techniques. Scott Sonnon has saying that I apply to practices for healing physical and psychological issues.. "Go to the tension, not through the tension" IME after a while the tension - psychological or physical begins to effortless melt. The 'plow through' attitude, is bad for developing comfort with vulnerability and intimacy.)[/i]



Props for getting rid of your status obsessed social circle.

Regarding the 'me first' attitude... I'm an expert in that. :-)

I can share with you a deceptively simple practice that has made me a lot less self-absorbed...

[b][i]Theory.[/i][/b]

Our thoughts can create sentiments/feelings. How we habitually use our imagination, and our internal dialogue, can literally change our values and focus in life. And the more we practice habits of thought, the stronger our values and focus becomes...[i]By analogy, it's just like lifting.[/i]

(That is pretty much the foundation of sports psychology, hypnotherapy and Cognitive behavioural therapy.)

In order to develop empathetic joy and benevolence, we need to practice using our imagination and/or internal dialogue in a way that develops those already present sentiments.

[b][i]Practice. [/i][/b]

In regards to your family...

[i]You can either use the word pattern: "I hope" if your are secular, or "I pray" If you are a theist.[/i]

When you wake up, and before you go to sleep (I literally do it lying in bed). In your mind say, whilst 'getting in touch with the feeling' or imagining what your are saying in your mind's eye...

[b][i]I hope/pray that my son/GF experiences love.

I hope/pray that my son/GF experiences safety.

I hope/pray that my son/GF experiences good health.

I hope/pray that my son/GF experiences (XYZ value that you hold).[/i][/b]

(You can add more, and you can also change whatever values you wish for them to experience.)


Then do another round change the beginning of the sentences to...

[b][i]I hope/pray that I experience...[/i][/b]


Then do another round change the beginning of the sentences to...

[b][i]I hope/pray that we experience...[/i][/b]


So 3 or 4 rounds, morning and at night. That's literally it. After a few weeks, IME you'll start seeing the effect.


If tender feelings surface when you do it enough (which they will), you can practice being comfortable with vulnerability.

I can't stress enough how deceptively simple the practice it, but it works. to get you to care more about others well being, and wanting to be a part of creating/maintaining it.

([i]Note: Variations of this practice is the part of every major religious tradition that I've come across. Unfortunately though, it's not the most emphasized practtice, IME.)[/i][/QUOTE]Thank you so much for this post man. I read it over a few times, and I will start doing those exercises you suggested. On spread but reps for life boyo.

Who here's from NY? Lez meet up. Not a bar thing tho, srs. Unless it's drink and doing something active

Do you work from home?

Oh so I'm just supposed to magically understand how to interact with people and develop meaningful relationships despite the fact that I'm unable to? Oh, and if I don't, I'll die? Great! Thanks for nothing, OP.

Lol I was so introverted when I was 18 that I remember at the end of some weekends asking myself "how many days has it been since I've spoken?" Sometimes the answer was 3-4. I had friends but I just wanted to be alone haha. Super unhealthy and I socialize all the time now but I still have weekends where I just can't do it.

Depends on where you live. If you live a bad spot the only things to do are basically drinking and staying in.

I believe it. When I got out of college and was unemployed away from all my friends my anxiety shot through the roof. The recluse life takes it's toll.

I wrote this in another thread, I'm hoping this gives you some motivation...Extensive actionable advice for developing a social life is available here...

https://forum.obnoxiousbrutes.com/showt...hp?t=174443971

Sounds like a lot of my friends.

People act as though I have it all together and figured out and many people see me as a "strong" person. I am, but I hate always being the person to have to reach out to friends and establish contact mostly.

Family checks up on me quite often but when I visit them they always want me to do stuff for everyone else. Sometimes it's annoying.

I like being alone at times and need it, but I do get lonely for sure and need friends and family to talk to and do stuff with. I have to be more focused in what I want in life and go for it though. No one will give me happiness or cure it for me because everyone else is involved in their own life.

Yeah I am. I'm gonna give the material in this thread a read through eventually since it seems detailed and scientific.

Quick question though: are there any studies on how the effects of loneliness varies between genders? If so what do they seem to indicate?

alone is a longer life than a psycho untrustworthy sloot

study shmudy

get out in the real world

That's not the only 2 options brah.

Good question.

I have no access to academic studies, only summaries.

"Introversion" and "extroversion" does not exist. Willingness to socialize is expressed on a continuum, with most people falling under the definition of "ampivert". Introversion is the new "look at me, look at how special I am, give me attention" phrase. Many self proclaimed introverts suffer from issues associated with social anxiety. You aren't introverted, you are socially anxious, and there is help available.

A majority of you who are "lonely" or sad because you are single are unhappy with your lives. A relationship, an S/O, or a spouse, should not make you happy. You've watched too many chick flicks. Getting into a relationship, or staying in a relationship, because the other person makes you happy is asking for codependency problems.

A normal, healthy relationship is one in which both people are independent and happy without each other. When together, they enhance each other's lives through compatibility.

Please, become happy before you enter in a relationship with someone else. It's not fair on them, and it's not their responsibility to make you happy. It's your responsibility to make yourself happy. Live for yourself.

feels good

ah fuk bye

The feels are strong in this one.

too much real life.